TipsForSuccess: October 2007

TipsForSuccess: Get Anything You Want with ARC, Part 1

TipsForSuccess: You Tried to Reach a Goal and Failed . . . Now What?

Get Anything You Want with ARC
(Affinity, Reality and Communication)

By using this powerful tool, you can form a meaningful relationship with anyone you like. Based on these relationships, you can get the raise, promotion, sale, contract, friendship, marriage, support or cooperation you need.

"The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations." -- L. Ron Hubbard

ARC (pronounced as A-R-C, not "ark") forms the basis for all of your relationships. L. Ron Hubbard discovered the rules and uses of ARC during the 1950s.

Every relationship has three parts:

Affinity: how much you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas

These three parts interact with each other and so form a triangle.

Part 1: How ARC Works

Purdue University did a study a few years ago to determine why some of their graduates succeeded and others did not. After several years of analyzing the success of their engineering students, Purdue came to the following conclusions:

"The average salary of the students with the highest grades was only slightly higher than the average salary of all the graduates. The salaries of the most popular students, the ones with the good personalities, were much higher than the average of all students. Also, their salaries were much higher than the students with the highest grades."

A popular personality is based on ARC. When you have good ARC with people, they understand you, believe in you, trust you, help you and feel good about you. ARC is such a powerful tool that the simple lack of ARC results in upsets, distrust, hatred and attacks.

"Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication." -- L. Ron Hubbard

The ARC Triangle gives you a deeper understanding of people. When you truly understand your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, employees, customers, clients, neighbors and friends, you can help them, talk to them, reach more agreements and enjoy their company more than ever before.

You have more ARC for some people than others. For example, you have high ARC with a coworker or colleague if you like the person (Affinity), can talk about many subjects (Communication) and agree on many subjects (Reality). You understand this person and this person understands you.

You probably also know someone with whom you have low ARC. You cannot agree on things (Reality), you do not like the person very much (Affinity) and you do not communicate.

In Part One of this series of articles on ARC, you will learn how you can easily increase your ARC with anyone.

How to Increase ARC with Anyone

"The triangle of affinity, reality and communication could be called an interactive triangle in that no point of it can be raised without affecting the other two points and raising them, and no point of it can be lowered without affecting the other two points." -- L. Ron Hubbard

So all you need to do is decide which point of the triangle you can increase and the other two points automatically rise!

In other words, if you increase the volume or quality of communication you have with someone, you are raising the C point of the triangle. As a result, the A point and the R point both rise. If you simply talk about anything to a person for enough time (C), the person likes you more (A) and agrees with you more (R).

For example, you meet a new fellow at work named Richard and instantly dislike him. Maybe his attitude or appearance rubs you the wrong way. You really don't want to communicate with him (C) or to agree on any reality with him (R). There is little or no understanding.

However, you decide you need to understand Richard so you can work with him. So you ask yourself, "Which of the three points can I raise?" You decide to work on the C part of the triangle and just start talking to him. "Where did you work before?" "How long have you lived in this area?" "Do you have any kids?"

As a result of your communication, you find out he has three kids about the same age as your kids. You share a reality here and so you chat about children. You find yourself agreeing with Richard. Within a few minutes, you realize you like Richard. You understand each other better than before. You look forward to working with him.

As another example, you want to have more ARC and a better understanding of Stella. Stella could be your boss, an important client, a potential mate or other valuable contact. You currently know little about Stella, but have scheduled to meet with her for lunch.

During lunch, you notice Stella is not talking very much. She rarely looks at you and barely smiles. You realize the Communication point of the triangle is not very good with Stella. The Affinity point is also weak as she does not seem to like you very much. So you decide to raise the Reality point of the triangle. You look for things to agree on. "How do you relax after work?" "What kind of exercise do you like?" "Do you have a vacation coming up?"

Stella mentions she loves sailboats and you happen to be a sailboat fanatic. Because of this shared Reality point of the triangle, you and Stella suddenly have a lot to talk about. After several minutes of sailboat chat, you notice she is smiling at you and you feel a higher level Affinity for her.

As a final example, you want a better relationship with your spouse. You have not been talking very much lately and seem to disagree more often than before. You decide to increase the Affinity point of the triangle in your marriage.

Before you go home, you decide to just feel more Affinity. You think of all the things you like about your spouse. After a few minutes, your mood improves and you look forward to going home.

At home, you give your spouse a big smile. You hug and kiss your spouse. At first, he or she is a little shocked, but soon starts to return the affection and your Affinity point rises. You talk about your day's events (C) and agree (R) on your plans for the evening. Your ARC Triangle is higher than it has been for a while.

This is the power of ARC. With this knowledge, you can rehabilitate or create a wonderful relationship with anyone.

Recommendations

1. Write down something you want. Do not limit yourself to money or physical objects, but consider new opportunities, powerful contacts, new or deeper friendships, contracts or deals, promotions, projects you want to do and so on.

2. List the names of people who can help you get it.

3. Decide which point of the triangle you can increase with each person: Affinity, Reality or Communication.

4. Increase that one point with each person until the other two points of the triangle increase.

5. Continue to increase your ARC Triangle with each person until you reach your objective.

In future articles, we will cover more ways you can use this powerful tool to form friendships with strangers, become a better leader, negotiate better deals, increase your success at work, improve your marriage and boost your self confidence.

Learn more about ARC in the book The Problems of Work by L. Ron Hubbard, available at www.tipsforsuccess.org/bookstore.htm and www.bridgepubs.com.

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

You Tried to Reach a Goal and Failed . . . Now What?

(Note: If you completed our on-line subscriber survey, thank you very much! If not, please click this link www.tipsforsuccess.org/survey.htm and take a minute to do so. Thanks!)

Have you ever said:

"I have too many problems to reach my goals."
"I'm the wrong age/wrong race/wrong gender/wrong nationality."
"It seems too hard for me to do."
"I'd rather watch TV."
"Whatever made me think I could do that?"
"I'm sick of the whole thing."
"I simply can't do it."
"I'll do it some other time."
"I don't have enough energy."
"I didn't realize it would be this difficult."
"Like most people, I'll never reach my dreams."
"I've lost hope."

Once you start saying, "can't," you are on the downhill road to failure. "I can't do the project." "I can't pay my bills." "I can't succeed." Of course, barriers to success are part of society.

For example, most government regulations outline the things you cannot do. "You can't park there." "You can't keep that money." "Unless you follow these regulations, you can't . . . ." Pick up any law and notice how often the words "Prohibit," "Forbidden" and "Disallowed" occur while words like "Encouraged," "Allowed" and "Recommended" are absent.

Some employers like to act like governments and stop things. "You can't leave early." "You can't have more authority." "You can't do things your own way."

Businesses do it to customers. "We can't see you without an appointment." "I can't give you a discount if you pay in full." "Sorry, we cannot help you."

The real damage occurs when you stop yourself. "I can't handle more work." "I can't earn more money." "I can't change."

Have You Been Stopped?

When all you see in life are problems, you feel stopped. When you decide the forces in the universe are against you, you feel stopped. Whenever you feel like giving up, you feel stopped.

Why might you feel there are so many barriers to your progress?

"STOPS ALL OCCUR BECAUSE OF FAILED PURPOSES. BEHIND EVERY STOP THERE IS A FAILED PURPOSE." -- L. Ron Hubbard

The sequence goes like this:

1. You have a purpose to _________.

For example, do you remember some of your old purposes? Make $20 million. Raise a happy family. Tour Europe. Get involved in the community. Make a major contribution to society. Help people. Buy a mansion.

2. For one reason or other, you decide you have failed to achieve that purpose.

When you made some effort to achieve your purpose, you felt stopped. Maybe achieving the purpose turned out to be more difficult than you expected. Maybe you saw someone else fail. Perhaps you became afraid or lazy. Maybe someone got in your road.

3. You then invent or agree with stops or barriers to your purpose.

"It's too much work for me." "I need a better education first." "They don't want me to do this." "No one succeeds without lucky breaks." "I don't know what to do." "It's better to settle for less."

Some people go even lower and begin to oppose solutions: "Don't try to help me as it is impossible." "I tried all the solutions and none of them work." "No one has the answers." "You should give up, too."

You stop looking for ways to succeed. You avoid setting any goals at all. You feel very tired.

Fortunately, you can turn things around and reach your biggest goals.

The Law Regarding Failed Purposes

"THERE IS A LAW ABOUT THIS -- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO RESTORE LIFE AND ACTION IS TO REKINDLE* THE FAILED PURPOSE. THE STOPS WILL AT ONCE BLOW." -- L. Ron Hubbard (rekindle: revive or renew)

A simple solution to a very big, difficult problem. Just fire up your original purpose and the stops or barriers magically disappear! Can it be that easy?

Example: Jill, an amateur athlete, wants to enter and finish a 25-mile marathon even though she lost a leg in an auto accident when she was a teenager. She starts to run every day with her prosthetic leg, but trips and falls every mile or so. People keep telling her, "You're so brave!" "I really admire you for trying." "I would have given up long ago." Finally, after missing a few runs, she decides it is too difficult.

She tries to run one morning anyway. Usually, her real leg has a slight cramp, but this morning it feels worse. Jill normally pushes through, but for some reason, she lets it bother her. Suddenly, she falls on the sidewalk and scrapes her elbows and hands. A delivery truck drives by, hits a puddle and soaks her clothes while she is down. She quits for the day.

Each morning a new reason for not running comes up. She has a dental appointment. The weather is bad. The cat runs away. Stops, stops, stops.

She tells her family and friends, "I just didn't realize how tough it would be." "It's too cold and wet out there." "I probably should have given up long ago." The thought of running makes her tired.

Jill then learns the law about failed purposes. She thinks about ways she can fire up her original purpose. "All I wanted to do was enter and finish that stupid 25-mile run! Why did I want to do that? Oh yeah, it wasn't to prove anything. It wasn't to make people admire me. I wanted to run that race long before I lost the leg. I remember when I first saw people finishing the race on TV when I was in junior high school. I thought I should do that. It would be a really great thing to do. I would just prove to myself that I could run 25 miles. THAT was my purpose! I still want that!"

Within seconds, Jill feels great! She sees no reason she can't finish the 25-mile race. She changes her clothes and gets back into training. But this time, she is more determined than ever. "Nothing is going to stop me this time!" The stops have blown off.

Recommendations

1. What have you given up on? What goals did you once have, but now think are impossible? What purposes have failed?

2. FIRE THEM UP! What were your original reasons? Rekindle, renew and revive those original reasons.

3. Make the purposes stronger. Put more energy into them. Convince yourself that you can accomplish those purposes despite all the barriers. Notice what happens to all the "reasons" preventing that purpose.

4. Plan how you will reach these goals. Write down the steps. Focus on how you can succeed.

5. Make one small step toward the goal. Make another. Get some momentum going.

6. Each time you feel like quitting, change your mind and remember your reasons, your goals, your purposes.

7. You never fail until you decide to stop trying, so persist until you win!

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: "Did You Hear Me?"

TipsForSuccess: Stupid Thinking

"Did You Hear Me?"

Does it bother you when you say things to people and they just stare at you? If they act like you said nothing at all?

Do you want people to confide in you? To value their time with you? To regard you as a good conversationalist?

If so, you will like this simple, yet powerful, communication technique.

After someone tells you something, what should you do next?

"Acknowledgment: Something said or done to inform another that his statement or action has been noted, understood and received. 'Very good,' 'Okay,' and other such phrases are intended to inform another who has spoken or acted that his statement or action has been accepted."

"Acknowledgment itself does not necessarily imply an approval or disapproval or any other thing beyond the knowledge that an action or statement has been observed and is received." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, if I ask you for the time and you reply, "It's nine o'clock," how would you know I received your answer if I didn't give you an acknowledgment? You might feel a little confused and wonder why I didn't say anything.

If you say, "It's nine o'clock" and I say, "thanks," you know I heard you and you can move on.

Pay attention and wait until the person is finished. Then indicate you received and understood the message. "Okay," "Thanks," "Good," "All right," "I got that," "Makes sense," "Sure thing," "Fine" and so on.

10 Acknowledgment Facts

1. Some people do not like to talk. Why? Perhaps at some point, they tried to express themselves and were repeatedly ignored. They have given up the idea that anyone listens to them.

2. Other people talk too much. Why? They believe no one hears them. They are still trying to get through. They think that if they talk long enough, someone will listen. If someone would acknowledge them, they could relax.

3. When employers give their staff members a good acknowledgment for completing their work, the staff members feel proud and satisfied.

"Boss, I finished that project ahead of schedule and under budget!"

"Good job!"

If the boss does not acknowledge the project completion, the employee will either repeat the statement or give up and lose interest in talking to the boss.

4. Employees who are not acknowledged will demand more pay because pay is a form of acknowledgment. Without any acknowledgments, an employee eventually gives up and finds a better boss who appreciates the employee's hard work.

5. Bosses (and parents) need to be acknowledged as well.

"Could you clean up this area before you leave?"

Silence.

"I said, clean up this area before you leave."

Blank face.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID CLEAN UP THE AREA BEFORE YOU LEAVE! GOT IT?"

6. Acknowledgments help keep your relationships going. If you never respond to personal letters, no one will write to you. If you forget to thank people for their gifts, you eventually get no gifts. If you never return telephone calls, your phone goes silent.

7. Acknowledging e-mail communication is also important. With so many spam filters around, you might not know if your message gets through if the person does not write back. You improve your relationships when you acknowledge your e-mail: "Thanks for the note."

8. Children who are not acknowledged get upset and demand more attention. "Mommy? Watch this! Mommy? Watch me! Mommy? Look at me! Mommy? Mommy?" Parents who acknowledge their children have calmer, more confident children.

9. Believe it or not, even dogs and cats are happier when you acknowledge their efforts to please you. "Good girl!" Do not be surprised that if you ignore them, they cause problems.

10. When people do not acknowledge you, you feel the need repeat yourself. You speak louder. You get angry or yell. You might also decide "To heck with it," and stop talking.

How to Test this Success Tip

If you are not sure an acknowledgment is important, listen to someone talk to you and then say nothing. Remain silent. Don't even nod your head. Notice how they react.

Then give the person some relief and say, "Oh, sorry. I heard you."

Also try it if someone repeats themselves or gets irritated at you for no reason. Patiently listen and then give him or her a good acknowledgment. "Yes, I understand. Thank you." If you do it properly, they will feel much better.

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

Stupid Thinking

Can you think things through? When you do something, do you consider what will happen next?

If you hit your hand with a hammer, it will hurt. If you scream at people, you will not be loved. If you steal cars, you will go to jail.

If you can think in sequence, you are probably not a criminal. You can see the consequences of a crime. A criminal cannot think that far ahead.

"This is a consequence. 'If you saw off the limb you are sitting on you will of course fall.'

"Police try to bring this home often to people who have no concept of sequence; so the threat of punishment works well on well-behaved citizens and not at all on criminals since they often are criminals because they can't think in sequence." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, a murderer may only think about revenge. He cannot see beyond the death of the person he hates. He does not think about living in prison for the rest of his life.

Only criminals are stupid enough to think a crime has no consequences. Smart people get what they want without crime.

For example, if you want $500, you can just work at a job. Even at $7.00 per hour, it only takes two weeks to earn $500. You can spend it however you like, no stress, no secrets, no risks.

A criminal robs a store for $500 without thinking it through. If he's not caught right away, he must keep his crime a secret. He might need to go into hiding. His life is no longer open, happy and trusting. For just $500, he ruins his life and reduces his chances for success.

A criminal also fails to see how he or she hurts others. A stolen car, even when insured, can take months to replace. Stolen money might represent someone's life savings and ruin their retirement plans. Hitting someone on the head can cause the person to suffer pain for a lifetime.

Street-drug users can only think about their next high. If they looked further into the future, they would see damage to their bodies, financial ruin and failed marriages. Prison time is also a real possibility; in fact, half of the inmates in US prisons are there for violating drug laws. All of these inmates did not look into the future.

Fortunately, when a criminal gets smart and thinks in sequence, he or she stops committing crimes.

Even Small Crimes Have Big Consequences

People who commit small crimes do not think in sequence either. "If I take a few office supplies, no one will know." This person does not see the nagging feeling of guilt or the possibility of getting caught, getting fired and being labeled a criminal. This person does not see the big risks far outweigh the tiny benefit.

Crimes against your spouse, friends or family might not lead to jail time, but can be equally devastating. For example, the sequences of a secret sexual affair can lead to disease, blackmail, legal problems and divorce.

Even lying is a sign of stupid thinking. People who lie are shocked when no one believes them any longer. They fail to consider at least three sequences of a lie: you need to remember your lie so you do not accidentally tell the truth; if caught in your lie, you look twice as bad than if you had just admitted the truth in the first place; lying can make you feel guilty and unhappy.

Recommendations

1. When making a big decision, think in sequence. If you do Plan A, what are the consequences? If you do Plan B, what are those consequences?

2. Teach children how to think in sequence. "If you hit your brother, what might happen? Let's ask him." "If you don't do your homework, what will happen?" "If you steal candy from the store, what might happen? What would it be like to get caught? Let's ask the store manager what would happen."

3. Talk to criminals and potential criminals about sequences. Help them see the bigger picture. Get them to practice thinking in sequence. As crime hurts everyone directly or indirectly, we all increase our chances of success by helping criminals get smarter.

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: Get Anything You Want with ARC, Part 1

TipsForSuccess: You Tried to Reach a Goal and Failed . . . Now What?

TipsForSuccess: "Did You Hear Me?"

TipsForSuccess: Stupid Thinking

Blog Archive