TipsForSuccess

TipsForSuccess: How to Get Along with Your Spouse (and Others)

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How to Get along with Your Spouse (and Others)

When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?

Some people like to blame their spouse. "You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home."

Others prefer to criticize. "You're so fat it makes me sick."

Getting even is also a common response. "Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat."

By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship.

Cause and Effect

When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.

There are two types of relationships:

1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.

For example, husband John says, "Mary, you ran over the neighbor's gate. How could you be so stupid?"

John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.

2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage your spouse to assume the cause point AS WELL.

This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes:

"If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame.

"Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor's gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!' John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John's car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands.

"John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones's gate with the car.' John says, `Yes, I know. We've already repaired it." Mary says, `I'm sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.' John says, `That's all right. What about the bathroom curtains?' Mary says, I want to dye them blue.' John says, `That's a good idea.'

"If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John's and Mary's attention, since it represents future action." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility over each other.

Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments.

Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage.

Give it a try!

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

TipsForSuccess: Getting Organized

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Getting Organized

As covered in two previous articles, to succeed you need to NAME and WANT whatever product or result you are after. The third component is ORGANIZE TO GET YOUR PRODUCT.

"The purpose of organization is TO MAKE PLANNING BECOME ACTUALITY." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Well-organized operations make it simple for its employees to follow the set procedures. For example, McDonald's restaurants can train a high-school student to run the cash register, fill orders and provide good service with just a few days of training. Everyone in McDonald's does it the same efficient way, from Burbank to Boise to Berlin.

Successful individuals are also well-organized. They get the most possible productivity with the least amount of time and effort. Their work space is orderly and clean. Their possessions are kept in good working order and easy to locate. They are punctual, dependable and efficient.

Organized people stay on top of the routine actions necessary to successful living. Their cars run well, their desks are clean and their closets are orderly. They set goals, work out doable plans and figure out their priorities. Because they are organized and ready to produce, they get more things done than people who are disorganized.

You, too, must be organized to achieve your dreams.

Six Key Ingredients

L. Ron Hubbard lists six essential parts of good organizing.
Observation
Planning
Communicating
Supervision
Production
Users

1. Observation: Before you start, look around. See what needs to be done. Envision a well-organized life or operation.

When organizing your business, your job, your employees or your home, look at the current scene. Do not assume anything. Listen to no one. Observe for yourself so you can more accurately do the rest of the steps.

2. Planning: List all the steps you will need to take to reach the final result. Break big projects down into small tasks. Make sure each task is doable and not based on fantasy.

3. Communicating: Talk to those who will be involved in your plan. Ensure they will help you, work with you or do the work.

4. Supervision: Everyone is a supervisor, even if just a supervisor for themselves. Someone has to put things into motion. If no one supervises the activity, it dies from lack of attention.

5. Production: Until this point, it's been all thinking and talking. Now you take action. Because you have properly organized the activity, you get more done in less time. Your planning steps will pay off.

You can throw yourself and others into the task. Focus on accomplishment. Do whatever you need to do to make the plan an actuality.

6. Users: Make sure whoever receives your product or service is satisfied. If they get what they need or want, you are successful.

For example, a new software program that is incredibly powerful, is only successful if anyone can use it. If it's too complicated, it will not lead you to your dreams until you take it one extra mile to the user.

As an employee, your user may be your boss, your customers or your coworkers. Do they love your product or service? Does it exceed their expectations? If so, you have organized your ultimate success.

Summary

NAME your product. Get very specific about what you need to produce or accomplish.

WANT your product. Raise your desire and passion to the highest levels possible.

ORGANIZE yourself and the activity. Use the six ingredients to quickly and efficiently reach your goals.

With all three factors in place, you perform better, accomplish more and make your dreams into reality.

You win!

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

TipsForSuccess: The "Want" Factor

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The "WANT" Factor

As mentioned in last week's article, you can get anything you want if you do three things: "NAME" or describe exactly what you need to create, accomplish or produce, "WANT" that result or product, and "ORGANIZE TO GET" that result or product. This article addresses WANT.

How badly do you want to succeed?

On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 meaning you are so excited and passionate about your success that you can't sleep), how would you score right now?

How important is it for you to reach your goals? How badly do you want to increase your income? How much do you want to improve your future?

"Where no real or valuable production is occurring, one has to ask the question, does the executive really WANT the product he is demanding? And does the staff member or members he is dealing with WANT the product?" -- L. Ron Hubbard

Just as you can NAME any product or result you want, you can also WANT anything you like. In fact, many people succeed, not because they are experts in their fields, but because they REALLY WANT to succeed. They will do whatever is necessary to reach their goals.

Many people do not REALLY WANT the results of their jobs (their products) badly enough to make it happen. And instead of finding ways to get what they want, they find excuses. For example, "I can't get anything done today because _________."

Recommendations

NAME the product and then WANT the product.

1. NAME the product or the accomplishment or the result. It is much easier to want something specific than something general.

Get specific. For example, a car salesperson might want 30 test rides, 5 sales and $1000 in commissions. An accountant might want to complete 20 tax forms and start 3 new clients. A mother might want her five-year-old to use good manners and her 16-year-old to stop smoking pot.

2. Decide to really WANT the result. Increasing your want for a result or product will increase your chances of getting it.

For example, "I'd like a successful career" does not show much WANT. So imagine how successful you might be if you wanted a successful career at this level:

"MAKING MY CAREER A BIG SUCCESS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME THAT I'LL DO WHATEVER I MUST DO TO BE ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD. I WILL WORK 10-12 HOURS PER DAY. I WILL LEARN ALL I CAN, AND GET AS MUCH HELP AS I CAN, FROM EVERY SOURCE POSSIBLE. I WILL EAT, SLEEP AND BREATHE MY GOAL. I WILL USE ALL MY STRENGTH, TIME, KNOWLEDGE, FAITH, CONFIDENCE AND RESOURCES TO MAKE THIS GO RIGHT. I WILL BECOME THE BEST IN THIS FIELD AND ACCOMPLISH MY GOAL NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!"

3. If you can't make yourself want the product, accomplishment or result, something may be wrong.

You may need to straighten up something in your life first. Certain things can kill your desire: drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, unethical behavior and so on.

Perhaps you need better self discipline, a better approach, more education, better people around you, a kinder attitude toward yourself or a better place to live or work.

Once you reorganize your life, you will find a way to passionately, intensively and unreasonably achieve what you really want.

So, how much do you want to succeed?

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

TipsForSuccess: Three Steps to Getting Anything You Want

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Three Steps to Getting Anything You Want

You can get anything you want if you do three things: "NAME" or describe exactly what you need to create, accomplish or produce, "WANT" that result or product, and "ORGANIZE TO GET" that result or product.

This article addresses NAME. Future articles will cover WANT and ORGANIZE.

"IF PRODUCTION IS NOT OCCURRING, THE ABILITY TO NAME THE PRODUCT IS PROBABLY MISSING." -- L. Ron Hubbard

David, a highly-successful business owner, was having a difficult time finding a new wife. Because of his status, wealth, charm and social connections, dozens of single women were attracted to him. Yet after a year of dating, David could not find his new mate. "I can't decide who I want to be with. It's driving me crazy!"

So he learned to "Name" the mate he was seeking. He described, in writing, every characteristic he wanted in a wife. After a few minutes, he became excited about his list of qualities. ". . . good sense of humor, likes to entertain, wants a big family, lets me eat snacks in bed . . ." He said, "As soon as I meet her, we're getting married!"

Four weeks later he met his mate. He recognized her immediately as he had named exactly who he was looking for. They have been married for 24 years and have four children.

Get Specific

The more specific you are when you name the product, the more likely you will get what you need and want.

For example, if the boss tells a staff member, "Get busy," you will see lots of action, but may not see any products. The staff member accomplishes more when the boss says, "File that stack of papers and make these 40 calls today."

Parents who name products with their kids have happier, more productive children. For example, "Clean up this mess!" is not nearly as effective as "Pick up all the toys on the rug and put them in your toy box over there, right now."

If you push yourself to succeed without naming what you specifically want to produce, you waste time and energy.

For example you say, "I have to get some money fast!" You then jump from one task to another and accomplish nothing.

If instead you say, "I need $5000 by the end of the month. That means I need to produce the following . . . ." And then you name the necessary products or objectives you need to accomplish. As a result, your chances of getting the $5000 are much greater.

How to Name What You Want

Naming your products or objectives is an important and powerful step you must take to increase your income, rise to the top in your profession, find the perfect place to live, pay off your debts, find a great job, hire terrific employees, start a successful business and so on.

Naming your product allows you to focus on the exact action you need to take, produce, create, accomplish or locate. You can name your products for the hour, day, week, month, year, decade or lifetime. These steps may help you.

1. Think of something you need or want.

2. Describe this product, result or objective as specifically as possible. List the qualities in detail.

3. Include a date when you want to get it produced or accomplished, and then get started.

4. As you work to get what you need or want, review your description regularly.

5. Constantly revise and update your description, as you think of new qualities or discover what you truly want or do not want.

6. If you discover your product or objective is unrealistic, revise your description to fit reality.

7. Persist until you get it.

Simple!

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

TipsForSuccess: How to Boost Your Personal Power

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How to Boost Your Personal Power

The greater your personal power, the greater your success. The method for increasing your personal power in this week's article was described by L. Ron Hubbard in 1958.

"Power is contained in the ability to maintain a position in space. If you can't maintain a position in space you will never have any power." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Try this demonstration. Put a coin on your desk. Move it around with the tip of your finger. Now, with your thumb, firmly press down on the coin. Make it hold a position. Try to move it around with a finger. Because the coin holds its position, it has power.

Holding an ethical position increases your personal power. For example, someone at your job says, "Will you tell the boss I met my quota so I can get a bonus?" You say, "No, sorry, I can't lie for you." No matter what the person tries to make you lie, you hold a position.

Three More Examples

1. Joe is happily married to June. One day, Joe runs into his ex-girlfriend. She says, "I sure miss you! Let's go to my apartment for some wine, okay?" Joe holds a position on what he knows is right and says, "Great! I'll pick up June on the way because she'd love to meet you."

2. You decide to stop smoking. After the first day, your body screams, "Get me a cigarette!" You hold a position and refuse. During the second day, your body says, "I will die if I don't have a smoke you jerk!" You hold a position and eat a carrot. Because you hold a position, your body gives up and you become a nonsmoker.

3. You need to finish a report for your boss by morning. Most of the report is in your laptop and you decide to finish it at home. After dinner, you discover your laptop won't start. You try everything you know to get it working with no success. You call for tech support, but the computer company is closed. You call a friend who says, "Don't worry. Your boss will understand."

You decide to hold a position and to make it go right. You pull out a writing pad and start to write. At midnight, your spouse says, "I'm sure your boss will understand if you don't finish the report. Come to bed!" You feel really tired and decide to climb into bed.

After a few minutes, you decide to hold a position regarding the report. So despite feeling tired and having a dead laptop, you get up and continue handwriting the report. At 5 AM, you finish the first version. You think, "My boss will understand that it looks sloppy."

Yet once again, you decide to hold a position. You remember you are a professional.

So you get dressed and arrive at the office an hour early. You use your desk computer to type up the report. By 8 AM, the report is done and it is perfect.

You give it to your boss who says, "Thanks." You feel powerful.

Maintaining Your Power

When you hold a position on a constructive, beneficial position, you earn respect and support. The people around you realize you have good intentions and that you usually do the right thing. They learn they can trust you.

For example, a friend says, "Don't tell the store you dropped the television. Just take it back and tell them it didn't work in the first place."

You say, "No, I'll tell the truth and try to work something out."

Later, your friend calls and says, "You were right about the TV. Can you help me with my investments? I know I can trust you."

When an antisocial person holds a position on destructive or evil positions, he or she eventually fails. Most people in this world prefer good intentions. Sooner or later, they learn who has bad intentions and withdraw support or fight back.

For example, a coworker says, "Let's have some fun and all go get drunk!" At first, a few people go with him, but they soon discover he is an alcoholic and gets mean when he's drunk. No matter how often he holds a position and demands that people go with him, he ends up drinking alone.

Holding a position to destroy something good, hurt someone or prove others are wrong is a poor use of your personal power. You lose respect, trust and support.

Holding a position to do good is an excellent use of your personal power. You make a more successful, happier life for you and others. You earn respect, trust and support.

Recommendations

1. Write down five examples where you should hold a position. Situations where you should say, "No" or "Yes." Things for which you should take a stand.

2. Select an easy item on the list that will benefit you and others if you hold a position on it. Write down how you will hold your ground.

3. Do it! Hold a position on this thing as soon as possible. Notice how you feel.

4. Continue to strengthen your personal power by holding your position with tougher and tougher situations, especially those positions that help you and others succeed.

5. You will find it gets easier and easier to hold your position in space. You become more powerful than ever before.

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

TipsForSuccess: How to Get Along with Your Spouse (and Others)

TipsForSuccess: Getting Organized

TipsForSuccess: The "Want" Factor

TipsForSuccess: Three Steps to Getting Anything You Want

TipsForSuccess: How to Boost Your Personal Power

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