TipsForSuccess: Two Rules for Happiness

Two Rules That Make You Happy What determines your happiness? Does someone else decide how happy you are? Is your happiness predetermined and out of your control? Does luck have anything to do with it? The happiness business is big business: drugs, alcohol, gambling, overeating and other bad habits are based on our need for happiness. Unfortunately, these "solutions" become bigger problems and make us unhappier. Many people give up on the idea that they can be happy. They say things like, "Anyone who tells you they're happy is lying." "I'd be happy if I had a better _____ (spouse, job, body, house, income, parent, child, boss, employee)." "Life stinks and then you die." Yet because you are reading this article, you know something can be done about it. You know you have the power to make yourself happier. You control the amount of joy in your life. You control it based on how well you follow these two rules: "One: Be able to experience anything. "Two: Cause only those things which others are able to experience easily." -- L. Ron Hubbard from Scientology: A New Slant on Life. Rule One To follow this rule, you become willing for ANYTHING to happen to you. You can face it and experience it. For example, someone yells at you and you can take it. You don't want people yelling at you, but you can deal with it. You are not afraid of being yelled at. Because you can experience people yelling at you, you'll still be happy whenever it happens. A few years ago, a California fire alarm salesman was terrified of his house catching on fire. He worked out escape plans, installed fire sprinklers in his house and installed the latest fire alarms. He talked about fire so often his seven-year-old became fascinated with matches. Naturally, his son started a fire, the sprinklers didn't work and the house burned to the ground. Luckily, no one was hurt. After getting over the shock, the fire alarm salesman started laughing. "Even though I did everything I could think of to prevent fire, I ended up causing a fire with my fear. It turns out it's not so bad! The house burned and we're okay!" After that, the idea of his house burning down no longer made him unhappy. He could experience it. "To be happy, one only must be able to confront, which is to say, experience those things that are." -- L. Ron Hubbard Anything you cannot experience or confront will make you unhappy. So reversely, learning to face reality is the first rule for being happy. For example, to do your job you need to give presentations to a group of people. However, you hate speaking to groups. You make up excuses and avoid this part of your job until you get fired. If instead you face the music and give the talks, despite your fear, you are able to experience. You confront the job and feel happy. Rule Two To only cause things which others can easily experience means you need to pay attention to other people. Everyone experiences things differently. For example, your colorful language offends your mother, but makes your friend laugh. Spending the day at a shopping mall is a joy for your daughter, but a boring waste of time for your son. Your views about politics enrage your father-in-law, but inspire your neighbor. To be happy, you can't have attitudes like these: "I say whatever I want to anyone I want." "If you don't like what I do, that's your problem." "It's dishonest to not say how I feel." If you don't care about other people's happiness, the people around you will eventually not care about your happiness either. Everyone is unhappy. "If you examine your life, you will find you are bothered only by those actions a person did which others were not able to receive." -- L. Ron Hubbard For example, if you punch someone in the mouth during a boxing match, neither of you are bothered. However, if you punch your friend in the mouth during an argument, your friend cannot easily experience the punch and you are both unhappy. "To create only those effects which others could easily experience gives us a clean new rule of living." -- L. Ron Hubbard If you break this rule, you create enemies. If you follow this rule, your work relationships, marriage and friendships all thrive. The rule requires you to notice what people can easily experience. For example, you notice your spouse cannot easily experience your constant complaining about your work. You realize it does not help you to complain to her. You stop complaining and your spouse seems more cheerful. You feel happier. The rule worked. Judgement You may think this second rule means you can't demand good performance from employees or correct your children. For example, "My employees can't easily experience hard work, so I'll be soft on them." However, high productivity boosts morale. Laziness ruins production, lowers morale and ruins your company. A bankrupt company is difficult for anyone to experience! So you learn to demand good performance while being cheerful and everyone is productive and happy. Children may not like eating their meals or brushing their teeth, but poor health or tooth pain is much more difficult to experience. You learn to get your kids to do what they should without anger or threats. Use your judgement. Planning Use the two rules for happy living in your planning. For example, you need to resolve a conflict with your business partner. To resolve the disagreement, you can either A.) Threaten to sue if you don't get your way, or B.) Find and work toward mutual goals. You plan to use the second choice as it is easier for both of you to experience. Business owners and managers earn a bad reputation when they cause effects others cannot easily experience. For example, you own a business and discover your monthly payroll amount is too high. You can either A.) Fire 20% of your employees, or B.) Promise they can keep their jobs if the business income increases by 20%. Which is easier for your employees to experience? Which will make you happiest in the long run? The two rules for happy living are powerful marriage rules. For example, if you learn to experience ANYTHING your spouse does, how can he or she make you unhappy? Additionally, if you ONLY do or say things your spouse can EASILY experience, how will you both feel? Four Recommendations for a Happier Life Make four lists to make yourself much happier this week. 1. Write down everything that was hard for you to experience last week. 2. Write what you can do to more easily experience these things this week. 3. List out what you did or said last week that others could not easily experience. 4. Write how you can accomplish next week's goals while causing effects others can easily experience. Additional Idea: Imagine what would happen if you spent all day causing effects others enjoyed. Why not? Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce you to the technology of L. Ron Hubbard. Copyright © 2004 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. For books by L. Ron Hubbard, additional articles or information about TipsForSuccess.org, click here. To contact us, click here

TipsForSuccess: Distractions

Distractions Have you ever completed a busy day without accomplishing anything? You were probably distracted. Ever wonder why you feel frustrated at work? Distractions might be stopping you. Ever feel stress? Distractions may be the source. Distractions are destructive forces that ruin production. Examples: Chatty coworkers, family problems, sunny days, rainy days, holidays, earthquakes, debts, salespeople, money concerns, health problems and so on. Recognizing distractions is the first step to dealing with them. For example, telemarketing telephone calls are hugely unpopular because they are distractions. A detailed description about a movie while you are working is a distraction unless you are in the movie business. A store clerk who is talking about his personal problems on the telephone while customers wait is another example. An important long-term solution to distractions? Get organized. "THOSE INDIVIDUALS OR AREAS THAT ARE THE LEAST WELL-ORGANIZED ARE AFFECTED THE MOST BY DISTRACTIONS." -- L. Ron Hubbard A well-organized business understands distractions and organizes to deal with them. For example, a key worker calls in sick. The group calls a temporary worker from an agency within minutes. A poorly-organized group discusses the problem for 20 minutes without coming to a solution. They are then distracted all day because they have to do the missing worker's job. When a well-organized business owner gets a legal notice, he or she delegates the problem to the legal person and focuses on making a prosperous day. A poorly-organized business owner drops everything and spends the entire morning on the telephone and worries about it all day. Well-organized groups handle emergencies, disasters and sudden increases in production without breathing hard. Poorly-organized groups are overwhelmed with them. Personal Organization Organizing your own life so you are not distracted boosts your productivity and income. For example, you don't need to talk to everyone who calls. It's silly to read every piece of mail or email you receive. By getting organized, you ignore all communications that do not support your purpose. While working, you ignore family problems, personal problems and even health problems. All superior producers do. While working, nothing is more important than the work. Instead of listening to a sales pitch, you say, "I'm sorry, I have to get back to work. Thank you." Instead of listening to an employee's lengthy discussion about a problem, you say, "That's so important that I'd like you to put it in writing for me so I can study it. Will you do that?" Instead of daydreaming about a hike in the mountains, you do your work as fast as possible so you can take that hike. When you organize your job, you avoid, ignore or replace people who distract you with their chit-chat, criticalness or stupidity. You do the same with employees or coworkers who do everything but their jobs. How to Get Better Organized 1. Write down five of your biggest distractions. 2. Next to the first distraction, write down how you can get organized to reduce the distraction. 3. Do the same for the other items on the list. 4. Follow your plans and get organized! 5. Write down permanent rules or policies for yourself or your work so you stay organized. Personal examples: "I will only take personal calls during my lunch hour." "If I get hungry during the afternoon, I will chew gum and keep working until 5:00." "I will avoid conflicts with my brother by not talking about my job with him." Business examples: "Each December, we will do these steps to keep our attention on our work despite the holidays." "If someone asks you to do their job, ask them for their pay." "If you have a suggestion for the company, please write down the complete details and put it in my basket."   Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce you to the technology of L. Ron Hubbard. Copyright © 2004 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. For books by L. Ron Hubbard, additional articles or information about TipsForSuccess.org, click here. To contact us, click here.

TipsForSuccess: Marriage Success Secret

 

The Secret to a Great Marriage Why are these statements all lies? "The honeymoon is over. We can't get the spark back in our marriage." "When I married you, I expected you'd stay in love with me." "This other person is my soul mate and so I've got to get a divorce." When you meet someone and fall in love, it seems like your love will last forever. So you get married. You want a permanent feeling of love. Yet sooner or later, it happens . . . no more spark. Maybe a marriage counselor tells you to take a weekend trip together. If you enjoy the weekend, you might feel a little spark again. But once you get back to your routine, the honeymoon is over again. Maybe you try a drug or drink some wine to make your marriage better. If it helps, it is only temporary and then drops to new lows. Besides, who wants to depend on a chemical for a good marriage? All too often, husbands and wives give up. They either learn to live with a dead relationship or get divorced. The biggest lie is that once you get married, you can sit back and enjoy it. Unfortunately, a marriage does not exist just because you have a marriage license. A family does not exist just because you have children. "It's very easy to break down a family because there is no relationship in a family except a pretended relationship." "Now, I'm not saying that marriage is a false relationship. It isn't. In this society and time, a family is the closest knit, self-perpetuating, self-protecting unit and is necessary economically and otherwise to the society the way it's rigged at this present time." "The relationship, basically, is a postulated* relationship. There is no truth in the relationship. It is a postulated relationship. "And when people stop postulating it, it ceases to exist!" -- L. Ron Hubbard (*Postulated: Something you create or decide is true.) Like a garden, a marriage needs constant work. To create a beautiful garden, you need to remove the weeds and water the plants. If you do not constantly create or postulate the garden, it dies. If you and your spouse are creating your marriage, no one can come along and ruin things. "He seduced my wife and ruined my marriage" is another lie. A truthful statement is, "I ignored my marriage for two years, so she found someone who wanted to create a relationship with her." If you could just create a marriage one time and forget about it, everyone would have a happy marriage. No one would get divorced. Bottom line: A happy marriage requires constant creation by both parties on a daily basis. Examples of How to Create Your Marriage ● Make an effort to make your spouse laugh whenever possible ● Praise his or her accomplishments ● Keep your body, breath and teeth clean ● Give small gifts and surprises ● If one of you is out of town, talk on the telephone at least once each day ● Agree on goals you can work on together ● Find ways to support your spouse ● Always be willing to listen ● Agree on the most pleasurable experiences you can enjoy together and do them Of course, the most effective way to create your marriage or other relationship is to decide to do so. If your desire is strong, you will come up with an unlimited number of ways you can create it. Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce you to the technology of L. Ron Hubbard. Copyright © 2004 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. For books by L. Ron Hubbard, additional articles or information about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: Exchange

 

Exchange The biggest problem with dentures (false teeth) is that they do not feel comfortable. Some people love them right away while others are never happy with the fit and always seem to suffer. The unhappy patients return to their dentist for several adjustments. They try different adhesives. They even go to other dentists to start over. But no matter what they do, some people's dentures never feel comfortable. So a denture manufacturer conducted a study to find out why dentures easily fit the mouths of some patients, but were a constant problem with others. According to this study, they evaluated the type of material used in the dentures. They considered the methods of determining the shape and size of the dentures. They also checked the dentists' training and techniques. But they could not find out why patients loved or hated their dentures. And then they examined this one factor: most of the patients who complained that their dentures did not fit HAD NOT PAID FOR THEM. They still owed money to the doctor! If the patient or their insurance company had paid for the dentures, they seemed to fit better. "When you let somebody be dishonest, you are setting him up to become physically ill and unhappy." "When you let a person give nothing for something, you are factually encouraging crime." -- L. Ron Hubbard If you give free services or products to people, sooner or later they will not appreciate your help. In fact, they may dislike you as a result. You are making them become dishonest and it makes them ill and unhappy! (And you thought you were doing them a favor.) People need to give an exchange. If they mow your lawn or clean your house, they will feel much better about your help. Lottery winners often lose all their money within a few years. They buy expensive cars and wreck them. They buy big houses and let them go to ruin. One man used his winnings to drink himself to death. These poor people didn't earn the money. They got something for nothing so it meant nothing to them. People want to be good. They want to be honest. When they get something for nothing they tend to waste it, as they know they do not deserve it. Children and Exchange "A lot of this exchange imbalance comes from child psychology where the child is not contributing anything and is not permitted to contribute. "It is this which first overwhelms him with feelings of obligation to his parents and then bursts out as total revolt in his teens. "Children who are permitted to contribute (not as a cute thing to do but actually) make noncontributing children of the same age look like raving maniacs!" -- L. Ron Hubbard When you make children give an exchange they become much happier! Children, as young as three-years-old, can contribute by picking up their toys, not yelling, helping in the kitchen and so on. Recommendations 1. When people complain about what you do for them, check if they have given you a proper exchange. If not, make it a requirement. 2. Ensure you give an honest exchange for goods and services you receive. Like people with dentures, you will be happier with what you receive if you give a fair exchange. 3. Teach children and adults that the world does not owe them a living. You must find ways to earn everything you get in life. Permit them to help you. Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce you to the technology of L. Ron Hubbard. Copyright © 2004 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. For books by L. Ron Hubbard, additional articles or information about TipsForSuccess.org, click here. To contact us, click here.