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TipsForSuccess: Gift Giving

 

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 Gift Giving

As a child, were you given a gift and then ordered how to play with it? Were some of your possessions under someone else's control? Are some of your current possessions still not under your control?

L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his book, Child Dianetics*:

"When you give a child something, it's his. It's not still yours. Clothes, toys, quarters, what he has been given, must remain under his exclusive control.

"So he tears up his shirt, wrecks his bed, breaks his fire engine. It's none of your business.

"How would you like to have somebody give you a Christmas present and then tell you, day after day thereafter, what you are to do with it and even punish you if you failed to care for it the way the donor thinks? You'd wreck that donor and ruin that present. You know you would.

"The child wrecks your nerves when you do it to him. That's revenge. He cries. He pesters you. He breaks your things. He 'accidentally' spills his milk. And he wrecks the possession on purpose about which he is so often cautioned. Why?

"Because he is fighting for his own self-determinism, his own right to own and make his weight felt on his environment. This 'possession' is another channel by which he can be controlled. So he has to fight the possession and the controller."

For example, you give your son a new bike and he leaves it out in the rain that night. If you say, "I'm taking away your bike because you can't take care of it," he makes the rest of your day miserable. If instead, you put your son in control of the bike, everyone has a happy day. "It's your bike, but you might want to dry it off and keep it in the garage at night so it doesn't get rusty. Do whatever you want."

*Dianetics: From the Greek dia (through) and noos (soul), thus "through the soul." Dianetics counseling finds incidents in the past to explain personal problems in the present. Based on the NY Times best-selling book, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health (www.dianetics.org).

 

Giving Control to Adults


The above fact is also true with adults and helps explain why some people get upset.

For example, Bob the Boss hires Fred to clean his office. Bob says, "I was watching how you hold your mop. Both hands should be in the middle of the handle, not one on top. The cleanser you used in the bathroom is blue and it should be green. Also, the tread on your shoes might leave black marks so wear white shoes tomorrow."

Every morning is like this. Bob never really gives the job to Fred. One day, Fred writes "I QUIT" in black marker on the bathroom mirror. Bob the Boss says, "You just can't get good help these days."

Another example would be a friend loans you some money so you can buy a car. But your friend then insists you buy a certain car, tries to control how you drive the car and so on.

Some parents try to control an adult child's career. For example, the parent says, "I'll pay for your college education if you become a doctor." The parent is then enraged when the son or daughter quits college to hitchhike across Europe or become a professional surfer.

When you give a job, an idea, a gift, money or a life to someone, you must let them control it. Child or adult, nobody wants strings attached.

 

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.


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TipsForSuccess: You Have the Power to Make People Happy

 

 

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You Have the Power to Make People Happy

If you make people happy, you can take giant leaps toward your goals.

If you think about it, all your success depends on other people. People can give you opportunities, money, contracts, praise, support, help and advice. They can recommend you to other people who also give you what you need.

People can also stop your success. They can criticize you, oppose you and close down your progress. Even if they do not actively oppose you, they can avoid you, hide your options or simply do nothing for you.

"If a person thinks he can be happy without making those around him happy, he's crazy." -- L. Ron Hubbard

When you make others happy, you own an important people skill. They want to help you. Even better, making people happy makes you feel great!

However, mastering the skill to making people happy can be difficult.

Does Changing People Make Them Happy?


Everyone has an identity. It's what they want to be. You can call it their "beingness."

Trying to make people change their beingness is a common activity. For example, a 10-year-old girl's parents are worried that she loves motorcycles. They are afraid she'll grow up and join a motorcycle gang. So they make her wear dresses and play with dolls. They forbid her from being around motorcycles. A happy girl becomes unhappy.

As another example, Fred is a computer geek. He likes to wear goofy clothes and tell silly jokes. Fred goes to a college where the popular students criticize him. "Fred, your jokes are so dumb I want to gag." "Fred asked me out to dinner once and I laughed at him." "Check out Fred's striped pants! What an idiot!"

Married people often try to change each other's beingness as well. "Jill, I wish you were not so talkative. You're on the phone all day." "Jack, you lazy bum. I wish you were more energetic so you would take me out dancing!" Jack and Jill's marriage is not happy.

How do you feel when someone tries to change your beingness? Perhaps you feel resentful. You might even want to attack the person. You certainly do not feel happier.

Granting Beingness


"The ability to assume or grant (give, allow) beingness is probably the highest of human virtues*. It is even more important to be able to permit (allow) other people to have beingness than to be able oneself to assume it." -- L. Ron Hubbard (virtue: good or desirable quality)

As you know, you must "be" before "doing" or "having." For example, before "having" a good marriage, you must first "be" a good husband or wife. You can then "do" the things necessary to then "have" a great marriage.

Per the above quote, a skill more important than assuming your own beingness is permitting others to be whatever they want to be.

For example, you need to let Fred the computer geek be exactly what he wants to be. You grant him beingness. You say to yourself, "It's completely okay with me for Fred to wear odd clothing and make bad jokes." You then realize Fred is actually a good person. You laugh at his jokes. You admire his purple ties. You become friends. A few years later, you get an executive job at his new multi-million-dollar computer company.

Granting beingness to marriage partners can seem very difficult, but anyone can do it. "Jack, if you want to lie on the couch each night, that's okay with me." "Jill, let's get another phone line so you won't be interrupted with other calls." If you sincerely grant beingness to your spouse, you are both much happier.

For most parents, ensuring their children are happy is their first goal. Granting beingness is essential to this happiness. For example, on Monday, little Joey wants to be a fireman. His mom says, "You'll be a great fireman!" On Tuesday, Joey wants to be a basketball star. "I think you'll be a wonderful basketball star!" And so on.

Later in life, Joey's mother still grants him beingness. "So you want to quit college to work for a rock band? You'll be setting up the stage? Well, I think you'll be the best stage manager they've ever hired!" One week later, Joey decides he should finish his education and goes back to college.

What if Joey's mother had not granted him beingness. "Joey, that's the stupidest decision you've ever made! You must quit this job and go back to college." Of course, Joey can't admit he is wrong about his decision and so sets up stages for rock bands for the next 25 years.

Change the World


Imagine how the world would be if everyone granted beingness to everyone else. No more discrimination because of the color of your skin. Women would be treated as fairly in business as men. Everyone could join whatever religion they preferred.

Career choices would come from the heart. You and everyone around you could map out their own lives. You could be whomever you wanted to be.

Such a world is possible. It starts with granting beingness. It leads to massive happiness.

Recommendations


Grant beingness to everyone you meet today. Let them be whoever they want to be. Make no attempt to change their beingness.

Grant beingness to someone you already like. Notice what happens to your feelings and your relationship with this person.

If someone irritates you, grant him or her beingness. For example, if another driver on the road makes you mad, grant him beingness. If someone appears odd or ugly to you, grant this person beingness.

If you hate someone, grant him or her beingness. You can do this right now, without even seeing the person. It may not be easy, but the rewards can be interesting, if not amazing.

Watch how others respond to you when you grant them beingness. You may discover you now have the skill to make anyone happy. 

 

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.


Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org

 

 

 

TipsForSuccess: To Succeed, You Need to Lead

 

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To Succeed, You Need to Lead

You can lead those around you with this simple, yet powerful idea:

"The leader is that one who emotionally affects others most strongly toward positive action." -- L. Ron Hubbard

What is a positive action to which you would like to lead others? For example, if you encourage people to use drugs, commit crimes or cheat the system, you are leading them toward failure. This is negative action, not positive. If you encourage people to live healthy lifestyles, increase their skills or become happier, you are leading them in positive directions.

Other positive actions include leading people toward better jobs, better products and services, stronger groups, more income, greater ability, happier marriages and closer families.

What positive actions do you want others to take? Answer this question and you have your starting point to becoming a leader.

Next, you need to emotionally affect your followers in this direction. How can you do this?

If you look at how the greatest leaders in history have emotionally affected others, you will see they get their followers excited! They give them hope. They motivate them to do good things.

Which leaders do you love to follow? How do they emotionally affect you? How can you create those same emotions in others?

Combine those emotions with positive action and you are the leader!

For example, Terry manages the Safeway grocery store in Salem, Oregon and Chris manages the Safeway store in Fresno, California. Both want to be Safeway's new Western United States Regional Manager.

Terry frequently tells people that they need to be on time, follow the rules and do their jobs.

Chris also tells people to be on time, follow the rules and do their jobs, but she stays late to teach her favorite staff members how to be managers themselves. She encourages them to have careers with Safeway. She helps them to get raises and promotions within the company. Chris also talks with loud enthusiasm.

Who would you rather work for? Whose store does best? Who does Safeway promote to the Western United States Regional Manager position?

If you want to be a leader, but feel timid about it, these two steps can give you the breakthrough you need.

For example, you wish your coworkers would stop complaining all the time. You decide the positive action to lead them toward is a more cheerful work environment. You will do this by showing your own cheerfulness at all times.

All day long you say things like, "Wow, you did a great job on that report!" "I think that's great about your son getting an award at school!" "If we get more work done than the other departments, at least we'll be the last department to get downsized." "Has anyone watched the movie Hairspray? We rented it last night and my one-year old danced all through it."

By the way, you do not need permission to be the leader. You just lead!

Recommendations


1. Decide on the positive actions toward which you wish to lead people.

2. Emotionally affect people toward those positive actions. In most cases, your passion, energy and enthusiasm will encourage people to move in that positive direction.

3. Take the lead.

 

 

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.


Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org

 

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm

  

Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

  

 

 

TipsForSuccess: Grief: Moving on After a Loss

 

 

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Grief: Moving on After a Loss

Few things are more painful than losses. A close friend dies, your spouse asks for a divorce or your company goes bankrupt and you feel horrible. Many people still feel the grief from losses in the past: a childhood pet that ran away, the death of a grandparent, a failed career, the loss of a home and so on.

Drugs, alcohol or just waiting for the loss to stop hurting are not solutions.

For example, Jim and Nancy fall in love at their first high school dance. They see each other every day and talk on the phone every night. Jim looks forward to their marriage and a life together.

The day after their high school graduation, Nancy says, "I'm sorry Jim, but I want to date other guys now. Please don't call me again."

Jim pleads, yells and sulks. He tries text messages, flowers and cards. He talks to Nancy's family and friends. Nothing changes Nancy's mind. He asks himself every hour, "How can I get her back? Why did she really leave me? What did I do wrong?"

Jim stops eating, stops smiling and refuses to talk to his friends. He loses interest in life and spends hours each day watching television.

His mother tells him not to worry. "Time heals all wounds."

But after a few months, Jim is not over his loss. He can't get Nancy out of his mind. Time heals nothing.

A friend says, "You need to wash away your troubles with some beer!" So Jim gives it a try. Jim feels better . . . for an hour. Then he sees a girl with hair like Nancy's and gets tears in his eyes. Another beer makes it worse. The next morning, Jim realizes beer is no solution.

Another friend says, "The best way to get over Nancy is to find a new girlfriend!" So Jim goes out on a date with Jill. Her perfume reminds him of Nancy, her laugh sounds like Nancy's. He wants to go home and just think about Nancy. The date is a disaster.

Jim sees an ad on depression. "Of course," Jim thinks, "I need professional help." So he goes to a psychiatrist who gives him a prescription. Even though the pills make him feel wooden, Nancy is still on his mind, 24 hours a day.

The psychiatrist tells Jim's dad that Jim needs to take the pills forever. Jim's dad gets angry and throws away the pills. He tells Jim, "Just get over it!" Jim goes to his room and cries.

----------------------------

L. Ron Hubbard discovered these two ways to resolve the emotional pain of a loss.

1. Release the Stuck Attention


After a loss, many people cannot get on with their lives. All they can think about is the loss. Their attention is fixed or glued to the loss.

You can help them feel much better and move on by doing the following:

"Tell the person you are going to help them. Tell him or her, 'Find something that isn't reminding you of ______ (name of person he or she lost).'

"Repeat the command, getting the person to find something else that is not reminding him or her of the person until he or she has a realization and feels better about the situation.

"This simple procedure can help the person recover from his or her lost love and begin to live again." -- L. Ron Hubbard

You decide to help Jim get over his break up with Nancy. You say, "Let me help you get over Nancy, okay? Here we go. Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

Jim looks around the room for a little while. "That mirror doesn't remind me of Nancy."

You say, "Okay" and repeat the instruction: "Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

"The drapes."

You say "Okay" and repeat the command: "Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

"The couch. Oh, Nancy sat there. I sure miss her. Okay, that box of crackers."

"All right. Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

"That plant. . . ."

After answering this question 50 times, Jim's eyes become bright and he smiles. "Nancy who? To heck with that. I feel better! Let's get something to eat."

In some cases, this procedure might take a few hours to work, but if you persist, your friend will snap out of the loss.

The technique works equally well with the loss of a job, a business, money -- anything you or the person you are helping has lost.

By the way, the procedure above is one of hundreds of counseling processes discovered by L. Ron Hubbard. Dianetics is another type of counseling procedure that you can use to improve your life and to assist others.

2. Erase the Emotional Pain


Harmful memories are stored in the mind at a conscious and unconscious level. These memories ruin marriages, careers and your confidence. They cause unfounded fears, unreasonable anger and irrational behavior.

You carry this mental baggage wherever you go. They pop into your mind when you least want to think about them. Harmful memories cause you to act in ways that are not really YOU.

Dianetics eliminates the influence of these destructive memories. The Grolier Encyclopedia defines Dianetics as: "A form of counseling for curing emotional and psychosomatic illnesses and enhancing life" (psychosomatic illnesses: health problems stemming from the mind).

When you receive Dianetics counseling, you talk about your past in a certain way until the emotional pain vanishes. The depression, grief and anxiety caused by losses disappear forever.

Benefits

When you reduce the emotional pain of memories, you enjoy these benefits:

* More energy
* Increased courage
* Interest in new activities
* More self-confidence
* Higher intelligence
* Better health
* Reduced need for drugs or alcohol
* Less fear of failure
* Greater success

To learn more about Dianetics, check out www.dianetics.org

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.


Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org

 

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm

  

Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

 

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