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TipsForSuccess: Three Ways to Handle People

 

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Three Ways to Handle People

Your sister has a serious drinking problem which is ruining her life. Her husband left her and her children are being neglected. You and your other family members decide to meet with her to get her to stop drinking.

Your brother wants to use "tough love." He thinks everyone should attack her and criticize her, ". . . for her own good."

Your other sister wants to force her into a rehab program. She finds a place that will come kidnap her. She says, "Maybe if they give her some kind of an injection, she'll go quietly."

You don't feel comfortable using either approach and feel there must be a better way.

Three Methods

To understand the three ways to handle people, read these three definitions:

1. Enhancement: to improve or make greater
2. Domination: to control with authority or power
3. Nullification: to make something invalid

Mr. Hubbard writes:

"The methods of handling others could be assigned to three general categories. The highest category would be one of enhancement, where the individual seeks by example and good reasoning to lift the level of those around him to the point where they will partake of the projects of living with him."

"The second category would be that of punishment drive, or domination. Here the individual uses alarm, threats and the general promise of pain unless compliance is given by the others around him."

"The third category is that of nullification, wherein the individual seeks to minimize individuals." "This category would rather see a man sick than well, because sick men are less dangerous than well men, according to the 'thinking' that takes place on this band." -- L. Ron Hubbard from the book, Science of Survival

For example, if you have a boss that manages you with the nullification method, he wants you to be a slave. To make you feel you are nothing, he says, "Sometimes you're as stupid as a bag of hammers." The less alive you feel, the less of a threat you are to him, and the more easily he thinks he can control you.

If your boss uses the domination method, he wants to overpower you. He says, "Get your work done by noon or you're fired!" He might also lie and say, "I can't afford to pay any bonuses this year." He wants you to feel afraid of him, at all times.

A boss that handles you with the enhancement method lifts you up. He sets an excellent example. He explains things to you. He makes you want to work.

He says, "Let's make this one of our best days ever, okay?" "I can get 50 files done in a hour. Can you?" "If you get the project done before you go home, I'll bring us donuts in the morning!"

Tough Love

"Tough love" is not loving. "We love you, but you're a total idiot! You've ruined your life and your kids' lives. If you don't change, we're never speaking to you again!"

Trying to change or improve someone with force always backfires. For example, if you force your alcoholic sister into a rehab program against her will, she might cooperate at first. But sooner or later, she will rebel and either drink more than ever or refuse to speak to you again.

The staff of "boot camps" for difficult children say that they force kids to straighten up. Their "therapy" includes beatings, sleep deprivation, emotional abuse and public humiliation. However, these domination and nullification approaches do not work. In fact, the U.S. Justice Department reports these boot camps are as bad as prison, and that none of the children get better and many get worse.

True Love

To help your sister with the enhancement method, you use reason, respect and admiration. Your intention is to improve her perception of the world; to increase her own control and responsibility for herself and her family; to help her live a better life.

You communicate. You have unlimited patience. You are friendly and optimistic.

"I love you and want to help you be happier and healthier. I'd like to help you be a great mother again. Can we have a private dinner tonight and just talk?"

You use logic. You carefully point out the good and the bad. You work out plans that your sister agrees to do.

For example, you start taking vigorous walks together. You talk on the phone each day. You have family events each month.

Even when she fails, you continue to try to help her, even if it takes years. You never punish or criticize her. Your love is stronger than the obstacles.

She recovers because you find and strengthen the good in her. You bring her up to your level and she decides to stop drinking and succeed.

Exercises

1. Imagine how your life would be if everyone handled you with enhancement, not domination or nullification. Imagine how your family would be.

2. Imagine how your work would be if everyone there handled each other with enhancement and not domination or nullification.

3. Imagine a country where the government handled its people and other nations with enhancement, not domination nor nullification. What would the world be like if everyone did this?

4. Notice how people around you handle others. Do they try to nullify people? Do they dominate them? Or do they enhance them?

5. Notice how you handle others. Do you ever feel like nullifying people? Do you try to dominate certain people? How often do you handle others by enhancing them? What is the result?

6. Use enhancement as your main method of handling others for a few days. Use good reasoning and communication to get others to join with you. Even if you do not see immediate results, persist.

As a result, you will set a good example. You will help others succeed. They will support you and appreciate you.

You will make a giant leap toward your ultimate success.

 

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2012 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

 

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TipsForSuccess: Worried?

 

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Worried?

There has never been a better time for worry. According to the news, we are seeing more financial problems, more people going broke and more unhappiness than ever before. "They" say we are very worried.

Symptoms of Anxiety

* You worry about everything, big things, little things, imaginary things
* You are afraid of making mistakes
* You find it hard to make decisions
* You feel nervous for no reason
* You feel dizzy or weak or tired
* You imagine the worst
* Your body is tense
* You sleep poorly

One Simple, Powerful Solution

By making one easy change in your lifestyle, you can significantly reduce your stress and anxiety. All you do is stop listening to certain people!

Simply ignore the Merchants (sellers, distributors) of Chaos (disorder, confusion).

"It is to their [the Chaos Merchants] interest to make the environment seem as threatening as possible for only then can they profit."

"Look over a newspaper. Is there anything good on the front page? Rather there is murder and sudden death, disagreement and catastrophe. And even that, bad as it is, is sensationalized to make it seem worse." -- L. Ron Hubbard ("sensationalize" = make an event seem as exciting or shocking as possible)

Anyone who profits, by making the world seem worse than it is, is a Chaos Merchant.

For example, a politician makes crime seem like a bigger problem than anyone ever thought it was. He promises to fight crime better than his opponent. He wins if he scares enough people.

An arms dealer tells one country, "This country has secretly purchased some bombs and has pointed them at you. You need to buy some bombs and point them at their capital."

Certain lawyers are Chaos Merchants. For example, they say, "A police friend of mine says they are going to investigate you and want to put you in jail. I can probably keep you out of jail, but my retainer is $75,000."

Anyone you know can be a Chaos Merchant. For example, a coworker wants you to stop getting so much done. He thinks he will get a promotion, if you start to look bad. So he gives you bad news whenever possible. "I'm worried we'll all get fired, don't you?" "No one appreciates us." "I don't think the boss likes your attitude."

Of course, the most popular Chaos Merchants create the bad news you see on television, in newspapers and on the Internet. The more terrifying the news, the more people will listen to them or read their articles.

These Chaos Merchants make us think we have to listen to them to protect ourselves. This makes them popular and helps them make money by selling advertisements.

Recommendations

1. Stop reading newspapers and news magazines.

How does knowing all the bad news help you? Answer = it doesn't. Just completely cut out the bad news in your life. You will not miss a thing.

Instead, read cheerful articles or an interesting book. You will feel instant relief.

2. Stop watching the news on television. How does it help you or anyone to know about deaths, danger and catastrophes?

Instead, watch an upbeat show or take a walk.

3. Avoid people who like to pass on disturbing "news."

Instead, spend time with people who like to pass on cheerful news.

4. After 7-10 days, notice how you have been feeling.

5. If you are not sure if the Chaos Merchants really have any effect on you, do the above steps for 7-10 days. And then go back and read the newspapers, watch the news and listen to disturbing people for a few days. Notice how you feel now.

Benefits

Nearly everyone who breaks off all association with Chaos Merchants notices benefits like these.

* You find other parts of your life are more interesting.
* You notice your life feels less dangerous.
* You eat better and sleep better.
* You laugh more easily.
* You are less afraid.
* You feel healthier.
* You feel calmer.

Give it a try!

 

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2012 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

 

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TipsForSuccess: The Key to a Successful Marriage

 

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The Key to a Successful Marriage

When you have a good marriage, life is wonderful!

You can endure the difficulties at work more easily if you can go home to a happy marriage. You have more fun during your free time when you do it with your spouse. Insurance experts agree that happily married people are healthier and live longer than single people.

On the other hand, if you are trapped in a bad marriage, life is miserable. You and your spouse either argue or avoid communicating. You and your spouse cannot agree on things and prefer to spend your time apart from each other.

The stress of a bad marriage makes your work more difficult. Your production and income suffer because you so unhappy. Achieving success in other areas of life is nearly impossible.

The Key Ingredient

"The successful sex relationship depends upon man and woman reaching a high degree of agreement on immediate and long-term goals . . . ." -- L. Ron Hubbard


Goals are a vital factor in a happy, healthy marriage. For example, a couple shares the goal of raising their children; to help them grow up. They have a strong agreement on this goal which keeps them happily married while the children are living at home.

Yet if after the kids are grown and on their own, the couple does not set new goals for themselves, they argue. They spend less time together. They finally get divorced for several "reasons." They never realize the real reason for the divorce is they have no new goals.

Some couples work hard to start a business and then divorce after the business is a big success. They say, "We were happier when we were poor and struggling." The fact is, they did not set and agree on new goals after the business took off.

A personal disaster often unites a couple because they are forced to agree on a goal. For example, after five years of marriage, Jake and Sara argue every day until Sara finds out she has breast cancer. Suddenly Jake and Sara have a shared goal of beating Sara's cancer. Jake and Sara have a high degree of agreement and fall back in love to work together on this mutual goal.

Another example is with newlyweds. Some new couples fight during their honeymoon. Their goal to have a wonderful wedding has been achieved. Once the party is over, they have nothing to work on as a team. So they pick on each other.

If you counsel a couple before their wedding, tell them, "You need to spend your honeymoon setting goals for your marriage. You need to agree on immediate goals and long-term goals. Don't come home from your honeymoon until you have several goals worked out."

If the newlyweds follow your advice, they join as a team and jump into life with a mutual direction. They are happily married as they are connected in a common cause. They accomplish a great deal in their lives rather than waste their marriage with disagreements, conflicts and fights.

Arguments, anger or "personality conflicts" are often resolved when the two people find and agree on goals. Of course, each person can have other goals as well, but for the marriage to succeed, both parties must agree on some short- and long-term goals.

Recommendations

1. Have a goal-setting session with your spouse. Agree on as many short-term and long-term goals as possible. Write each goal down so you can review them on a regular basis.

The goals can be anything you and your spouse agree to set. Some examples can be: Help our son reach the top 10% of his class. Buy a big new house. Take a two-day vacation each month. Save $3 million for our retirement. Clean the house every weekend. Get Jack through medical school and Jill through law school. Improve our tennis game. Help our friend Fred win the election for mayor. Get rid of the roaches. Spend a month in China. Double the size of our computer company. Buy a horse ranch.

2. Whenever you and your spouse start to argue or avoid each other, pull out your goals list. Check your progress on each goal. Ensure you are still in agreement on the goals. You may be surprised to see how many of your old goals you have achieved! In this case, you better find and agree on several new ones, right away.

Like magic, getting back in agreement on your goals will replace your angry, hurtful feelings with admiration, respect and love.

3. If you are searching for a mate, find someone who wants to set mutual goals. Love, attraction and good communication are never enough. You must determine if you and this person can agree on some goals.

4. Help other couples by encouraging them to agree on short- and long-term goals. If they follow your advice, they will enjoy a happier marriage.

 

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 

  

Copyright © 2012 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

 

Sign up or learn more about TipsForSuccess at www.tipsforsuccess.org,

 

Like us on Facebook 

 

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm

  

Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

 

 

 

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