TipsForSuccess: June 2008

TipsForSuccess: For a Successful Marriage, . . .

For a Successful Marriage, Communicate!

Marriages can survive money problems, career disasters, even affairs. But if you refuse to communicate, your relationship is doomed.

For example, Frank and Lila's marriage is in trouble. They eat together, watch television together and sleep together, but they are both lonely.

It started when Lila said, "I wish we could go to Hawaii again."

Frank decided Lila meant he was not making enough money; he never asked her, but assumed it. He decided it was best to become unemotional and not tell Lila his true feelings.

Lila noticed Frank was more silent at dinnertime than normal. She thought, "He must not like my cooking." She did not ask, but simply assumed he did not like her cooking. She decided it was better to not bring it up.

Lila was also sure Frank did not like her appearance. Frank convinced himself Lila thought he was a loser. Both had doubts and neither would speak.

Luckily, Frank and Lila decided to improve their communication. While it seemed like the hardest thing in the world to do, Frank forced himself to talk.

"Lila, do you think I'm a loser?"

Lila replied, "Of course not! I think you're an excellent provider. I just wish you liked my cooking and how I look."

Frank said, "I love your cooking and your looks!"

Both Frank and Lila were relieved. They set a goal to visit Hawaii. They no longer felt lonely.

Repairing a troubled marriage requires much more communication than the example, but the key principle applies:

"When in doubt, talk. When in doubt, communicate." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Any kind of relationship improves with communication: friends, co-workers, children, bosses.

If talking about certain subjects is hard for you, start with easy subjects. Talk about anything. Then work your way back to the problems. Persist until the relationship is succeeding.

Whenever you have doubts about something, COMMUNICATE! Talk, talk, talk until the problem resolves. When you feel stress, disagreement or resistance between you and someone near to you, the wrong thing to do is ignore the problem. Instead, start communicating.

When a marriage is bad, there are few things more miserable. But when your marriage is good, there are few things more wonderful.

Communication is the key.

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TipsForSuccess: Why Problems Do Not Solve

Why Problems Do Not Solve

Your mind is like a powerful computer. It's job is to solve problems so you can enjoy a successful life. Unfortunately, problems in life can freeze or clog your computer.

In a 1951 handbook, L. Ron Hubbard wrote these exercises to help you improve the performance of your mind. Give it a try! You might be amazed at how easily you can solve huge, long-term problems, by yourself, right now, on your own.

The exercise includes 12 questions for which you will need to write down the answers.

"Problems do not solve for two reasons: The first is lack of data; the second is an earlier unsolved problem on the same subject."

"This will become clearer to you when you have completed the following exercise."

1. "LIST FIVE PROBLEMS, WITH PEOPLE OR OBJECTS OR CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH YOU ARE NOT SOLVING IN THE PRESENT."

2. "NOW LIST WHAT YOU WISH YOU KNEW ABOUT EACH ONE OF THE PROBLEMS ABOVE (THE MISSING DATA YOU WISH YOU HAD.)"

3. "NOW LIST HOW IMPORTANT YOU NOW FEEL THESE PROBLEMS ACTUALLY ARE OR WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE NOW SOLVED."

4. "IF ANY OF THE FIVE PROBLEMS REMAIN UNSOLVED, LIST WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO TO SOLVE THEM."

"Now let us take a glance at the past. There are several problems, undoubtedly, which you feel you did not solve.

5. "LIST FIVE PROBLEMS, WITH PEOPLE OR OBJECTS OR CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH YOU FEEL YOU DID NOT SOLVE IN THE PAST."

6. "NOW LIST WHAT YOU WISH YOU HAD KNOWN ABOUT EACH ONE OF THE PROBLEMS ABOVE."

7. "NOW LIST HOW IMPORTANT THESE PROBLEMS ACTUALLY ARE TO YOUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES."

8. "IF ANY OF THE ABOVE PROBLEMS STILL BOTHER YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE TO DO OR TO KNOW IN ORDER TO RESOLVE THEM?"

"Let us now take a look at the problems of the future.

9. "LIST FIVE PROBLEMS, WITH PEOPLE OR OBJECTS OR CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH YOU THINK YOU WILL HAVE TO SOLVE IN THE FUTURE."

10. "NOW LIST WHAT YOU WILL HAVE TO DO NOW TO SOLVE THESE PROBLEMS IN THE FUTURE."

11. "NOW LIST HOW VITAL THESE PROBLEMS MAY BECOME TO YOUR EXISTENCE."

12. "IF ANY OF THE ABOVE PROBLEMS WORRY YOU, IT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT DECIDED UPON YOUR COURSE OF ACTION. TRY TO LIST YOUR COURSE AS IT WILL PROBABLY BE TAKEN." -- L. Ron Hubbard

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TipsForSuccess: Our Greatest Supporters

Parents: Our Greatest Supporters

"Children are indebted to their parents for their upbringing -- if the parents did so. While some parents are so fiercely independent that they will accept no return on the obligation, it is nevertheless true that there often comes a time when it is the turn of the younger generation to care for their parents." -- L. Ron Hubbard from The Way to Happiness

How much did your parents pay to raise you? How much did they pay for your food, clothing, medical care, dental care, housing, child care and so on?

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, raising a child currently costs from $124,800 to $249,180. Up to a quarter-million dollars! For some of our parents, raising us was a major financial burden.

Some children say, "I don't like how my parents raised me. They ruined my life. I owe them nothing!" Even if true, we must remember this:

"One cannot overlook the fact that almost always, parents are acting from a very strong desire to do what they believe to be best for the child. In spite of all, one must remember that they are the only parents one has. And as such, no matter what, one should honor* them and help them." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*honor: to respect; to treat with courtesy)

Because most parents do not want you to repay the thousands that you owe them, you can and should honor and help them.

Ten Ways to Honor and Help The People Who Raised You

1. Always remember Mother's Day, Father's Day and their birthdays.

2. Talk to them or visit them on a regular basis.

3. Be generous with them.

4. Share your successes.

5. Stop asking them to solve your problems.

6. Treat them with respect and courtesy at all times.

7. Ensure they have the healthcare insurance and long-term care arrangements they might need.

8. Get your brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces and children to honor and help them.

9. As they reach the end of their lives, ensure they are as happy and comfortable as possible.

10. Thank them for raising you, teaching you and helping you start your adult life.

Summary

To be a huge success, you need all areas of your life to be in good shape. If you have a strained relationship with your parents, it will pull you down to a degree. If you have a wonderful relationship with your parents, it will give you a solid support base on which you can build your success.

After all, your parents have been interested in your success for more years than anyone else you know!

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TipsForSuccess: Your Most Valuable Asset

What is Your Most Valuable Asset?

Of all your assets, which one is most valuable? Your investments? Savings account? Coin collection?

Which of your assets makes you the most money? Your business? Your career? Your education?

While those are all valuable, one of your assets is more valuable than all others. This asset is essential to your income. No manager, professional or employee can succeed without it.

"The most valuable asset we have, actually, is our ability to understand, to do the right thing, to be kind, to be decent." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, you help a lady with her car trouble without being asked. You feel great. Later, you are feeling a little depressed and you see that same lady in a store. She brightens your day with more thanks. You return to work with a bounce in your step. Your kindness paid off twice.

As another example, you arrive for an appointment for a job or to sell something. The receptionist is busy and rude. You remain kind and patient. After your meeting, you learn the receptionist is the company owner's wife who was just filling in for a few minutes. She tells her husband how nice you are.

Are you in the habit of helping people without being asked? With no thought of payment?

You can probably think of several examples. If you cannot, you have a new way to become more successful.

Five Steps to Increasing the Value of Your Most Valuable Asset

Write down the answers to these questions.

1. Who should you take the time to better understand?

2. What right things should you be doing?

3. With whom could you show more kindness?

4. What are the most decent things you can do?

5. Do these things as soon as possible, starting today!

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TipsForSuccess: For a Successful Marriage, . . .

TipsForSuccess: Why Problems Do Not Solve

TipsForSuccess: Our Greatest Supporters

TipsForSuccess: Your Most Valuable Asset

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