TipsForSuccess: August 2008

TipsForSuccess: Communication is a Two-way Street

Communication Is a Two-way Street

"A conversation is the process of alternating outflowing and inflowing communication."

"There is a basic rule here:

"HE WHO WOULD OUTFLOW MUST ALSO INFLOW;

"HE WHO WOULD INFLOW MUST ALSO OUTFLOW.

When we find this rule overbalanced, in either direction, we discover difficulty.

A person who is only outflowing communication is actually not communicating at all, in the fullest sense of the word. For in order to communicate entirely, he would have to inflow as well as outflow. A person who is inflowing communication entirely is, again, out of order For if he would inflow he must then outflow." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Carefully listening is a skill many people never learn. They find it difficult to listen. Yet if you never master this important communication skill, people do not like to talk to you.

You fail to skillfully inflow communication if you have one or more of these bad habits.

Ten Bad Listening Habits

1. Appearing to listen. You nod, you smile, you agree with everything people say. But you don't hear a word. But the game is over when you ask a question about something the person already answered.

2. Resistance. You find ways to change the subject, distract the speaker or forbid discussion of a topic. Resistance simply puts off an inevitable confrontation.

3. Selective hearing. Tuning out or filtering out what you don't want to hear. It takes a lot of practice to filter out certain topics, but some people do it well. For example, a boss gives an order and a suggestion. The employee hears the order but tunes out the suggestion. The employee describes a productivity problem and hints about a raise. The boss focuses on the production problem and never hears the hint.

4. Calculating while listening. Forming an answer. Working out a response. Thinking of ways to escape. You are less interested in what the person has to say than in what you will be saying or doing next.

5. Cutting in. You listen to some of the data, jump to a conclusion and cut the person off. Or maybe you interrupt with a question or abruptly change the subject. If you do this, you not only upset people, you often reach the wrong conclusion. When you cut people off, they feel you do not give a darn about them.

6. Spacing out. Day dreaming, drifting off, thinking of something else. Because you can listen twice as fast as people can speak, you get bored. You make the person feel unimportant.

7. Interpreting everything. You can't take information at face value so you look for hidden meanings. "So when you say that you won't help me, are you really saying you don't like me?" "Because you won't buy from me, does that mean you think I'm a crook?" "Are you actually angry but just being polite?"

8. Listening with an attitude. Instead of simply listening, you feel pressed for time or angry or unhappy. Maybe you do not believe the speaker. Regardless, you send body language. The speaker is distracted and fails to say what he or she wants to say.

9. Equating what people say to something else. Examples: A friend talks about his money problems while you think about your own money problems. Your spouse talks about taking a vacation while you think about asking your boss for time off.

10. Story topping. Cutting people off to tell them your better idea or more interesting experience. For example, someone says, "I met the mayor last night . . ." and you jump in and say, "Did I tell you about the time I met the governor?" It's hard for you to ever let others be more important, more knowledgeable or more interesting than you.

One Great Listening Habit

"Happiness is power and power is being able to do what one is doing when one is doing it." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you really want to be a great listener, you sit there and do nothing else except listen. You treat the person's communication as the most important communication you have ever received.

Say to yourself, "Right now, there is not one thing more important than truly understanding this person."

Look at the person with no other thought in mind. Make good eye contact. Get completely focused. Do nothing but listen.

Recommendations

1. Notice how people listen to each other this week. Find three of the bad listening habits and what happens as a result.

2. For all conversations you have this week, give 100% of your attention to the person. Understand what they say exactly. Notice their reactions.

3. To see the difference, consciously use one or more of the bad habits, instead of carefully listening, and notice how people react.

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

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TipsForSuccess: Why You May Hate to Study

Why You May Hate to Study

No doubt about it. To be successful, you need to read and apply instructions. You must know how to study written material and then use it on your job or in life.

Yet if you get a headache or feel bored or frustrated while studying, you will look for excuses to quit.

One reason people get those feelings and fail to learn certain subjects is they try to study the subjects without seeing the actual objects in front of them.

"You're trying to teach this fellow all about tractors and you're not giving him any tractors. Well, he's going to wind up with a face that feels squashed, with headaches and with his stomach feeling funny. He's going to feel dizzy from time to time and very often his eyes are going to hurt." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Which would you prefer? A three-hour lecture on how to train dogs or a dog-training workshop where you bring your own dog and try out what you learn? Which method would work best for you?

Unfortunately, most education does not offer the "mass" or physical objects to show you how things actually work. For example, you listen to a lecture about managing employees with no stories or demonstrations. You read about cutting hair from a book that has no pictures of people's hair. You learn how to set up a website with no computer.

Without the objects of the subject, you eventually feel dizzy or get a headache. Your eyes might hurt. You might feel bored or exasperated, like you are frustrated, angry or annoyed.

If you think about it, the most difficult subjects involve the least amount of mass or physical objects. Most people do not enjoy studying laws, computer language or accounting because very few objects are involved.

Yet you can enjoy studying any subject if you can see or create a demonstration to envision how
something works.

How to Do Your Own Demonstrations

Of course, the best physical object or mass you can use is the object itself. Go look at the airplane, chemical reaction or construction method you are studying.

When the object is unavailable, you can use small objects on your desk to show an interaction.

"A 'demonstration' or 'demo' is usually done with a 'demo kit' which consists of various small objects such as corks, caps, paper clips, pen tops, rubber bands, etc. The student demonstrates an idea or principle with his hands, the paperclips on his desk, etc." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, you are reading about a complicated legal problem between the government, two companies and five individuals. You feel bored and want to get a snack, but instead, you demonstrate the problem. You use a coffee cup to represent the government, two wooden blocks to represent the two companies and five rubber bands to represent the individuals. You move the objects around showing who is fighting with who. The legal problem now seems simple and you are no longer bored.

"Sketching is also a part of demonstration and part of working things out." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, you are learning how to design kitchens and read that you should use a triangle between the refrigerator, sink and stove. This makes no sense and you start to get a headache. You realize you need a demonstration so you pull out a piece of paper and draw little boxes for the refrigerator, sink and stove at the points of a triangle. You then add some cabinets and it suddenly makes more sense. Your headache goes away and you get excited to design your first kitchen.

Summary

Keep these five feelings in mind whenever you study:

1. Headaches
2. Dizziness
3. Feel squashed, such as head pressure
4. Stomach feels funny
5. Eyes hurt

When you get one of these feelings, do not give up. Do not continue to study in spite of the feeling. Instead, go look at the object or demonstrate it until the feeling goes away.

You can learn more about study technology at www.scientologyhandbook.org.

As a result of using L. Ron Hubbard's study technology, you will experience joy while learning. You'll feel confident and excited about the subject. Best of all, you will successfully use what you have learned in the real world.

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. To gain more knowledge about job security, buy and read The Problems of Work by L. Ron Hubbard.

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TipsForSuccess: Need Security?

Need Security?

We need security for our computers, our jobs and our assets. We want security for our families, our marriages and our friendships.

We want to be free from danger, attack or risk. We do not like fear, anxiety or doubt. We want to feel safe.

Security is big, big business in this world. For example, consider the billions spent on national security, Internet security, financial security, health insurance security and retirement security.

But what truly gives us security? Money? Expertise? Armed forces?

No, because wealthy people, experts and people with weapons feel just as insecure as everyone else.

The security we all want is the ability to determine our course in life. We just want to enjoy a safe, peaceful, prosperous future.

How do you get this kind of security?

"Self-confidence alone is security. Your ability is your security. There is no security but you." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, if you are confident you will be safe in your home, you have security. If you are confident you will earn enough money for all of your expenses, you have security. If you are sure you will always be a valuable worker, you have job security.

So why do we feel insecure?

"INSECURITY EXISTS IN THE ABSENCE OF KNOWLEDGE." "All security derives from knowledge." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, if you KNEW FOR A FACT that you could handle any problems that life threw at you, you would feel secure. If you KNEW FOR A FACT that you would never be completely broke and would always have plenty of money for your needs, you would feel secure. KNOWING you will be okay is security.

So how do you reach this level of security?

By increasing your knowledge about work, business, finances, computers, marriage and, of course, successful living.

Example

Phil notices one of his back teeth is loose for no reason he can imagine. He feels insecure about his teeth as he realizes he could lose all of his teeth. He decides he needs more knowledge about teeth.

He reads 15 articles about tooth loss. He now KNOWS tooth loss comes from cavities and gum disease. He finds a dentist and demands help.

The dentist is happy to see a knowledgeable patient and helps Phil save his teeth. Phil cleans his mouth three times a day, visits his dentist twice each year and never loses a single tooth.

Because of his knowledge, Phil has full security regarding his mouth. He KNOWS he will never need dentures.

Recommendations

1. Where do you need more security?

2. What do you need to KNOW about that area?

3. How can you get that knowledge?

4. Do whatever is necessary for you to obtain that knowledge.

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TipsForSuccess: Five Tips for Success with Children

Five Tips for Success with Children

1. "It is a remarkable fact, a scientific fact, that the healthiest children come from the happiest mothers." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Recommendation: Do all you can to help women be happy during their pregnancies.

2. "'My child,' is often the parent's fond manner of alluding to his offspring. But that isn't 'my child.' That is Bobby-a person in his own right." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Recommendation: Do not own a child. Just as you own and control yourself, let the child own and control himself or herself.

3. "Children who have received too large a bonus for being children are those who progress the least satisfactorily." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Recommendation: Perhaps you know a young adult who still acts like a kid? If you admire and reward a child too much for being a child, he or she sees no reason to grow up and take responsibility in life. Instead, admire and reward children (and those who act like children) for behaving like adults.

4. "Forbidding children to work and, particularly, forbidding teenagers to make their own way in the world and earn their own money, creates a family difficulty so that it becomes almost impossible to raise a family. And it creates, as well, and particularly, a state of mind in the teenager that 'the world does not want him' and he has already lost his game before he has begun it." "It is highly supportive of this fact that our greatest citizens worked, usually, when they were quite young." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Recommendation: Encourage children of all ages to work. Ensure they earn the praise or money they deserve.

5. "When children become unimportant to a society, that society has forfeited its future." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Recommendation: Raise the priority, in your mind, of the importance of all children. As a parent, give your children the time they need from you every day. If you do not have children, help and support parents to raise their children.

Your future, and the future of our society, depend on it!

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: To Succeed, Follow the Law

To Succeed, You Need to Follow the Law

Breaking the law is not only foolish, it seriously hurts your chances for success. If you are caught, you ruin your image, pay fines or spend time in jail. Even if you are never caught, you always wonder if you might get caught some day.

Stupid people sometimes get the idea that the only way to succeed is to break the law. Maybe they think criminals are kind, funny or happy, just like they see in the movies. Yet in real life, criminals are just the opposite.

To succeed, you need to know the laws, follow the laws and encourage others to follow the laws.

1. "'Illegal acts' are those which are prohibited by official rules or law. They are the product of rulers, legislative bodies and judges." "Any member of society, however, has a responsibility, whether young or old, for knowing what that society considers to be an 'illegal act.'" -- L. Ron Hubbard

You can now find nearly every law in the world on the Internet. If you take the time to read the laws, and use a dictionary to help you understand each word, you will know exactly what is legal and what is illegal.

For example, Pete did not get a building permit to build a tool shed. He thought he had broken the law. But when he looked up the building rules online, he was delighted to learn a building permit was not required for his shed.

2. "Almost any worthwhile thing one is trying to accomplish often can be done in perfectly legal ways. The 'illegal' route is a dangerous and time-wasting shortcut. Imagined 'advantages' in committing illegal acts usually turn out not to be worth it." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, Sarah, a store clerk, was stealing money from her employer. At first, she just borrowed pens and postage stamps. Then she figured out how to "borrow" $40 or more in cash each week. Over two years, she stole over $5000 in cash and supplies. As a result, she felt so stressed by her job that all she could do at night was watch television and eat junk food.

Her coworker Chris never stole or borrowed anything. She enjoyed the job, loved the people and never felt stressed. Instead of stealing, she worked extra hours at night and earned a promotion. Her pay increased by $1000 per month.

3. "See that children and people become informed of what is 'legal' and what is 'illegal' and make it known, if by as little as a frown, that you do not approve of 'illegal acts.'" -- L. Ron Hubbard from The Way to Happiness

If you let someone know what is legal and illegal, you help that person lead a happier, more successful life.

Summary

1. If you do not know what is legal or illegal, find out.

2. Whenever you feel like breaking a law, find legal ways to get what you want.

3. Help others by explaining the laws to them and encouraging them to follow those laws.

Watch a short video of this success tip by clicking here.

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

TipsForSuccess: Communication is a Two-way Street

TipsForSuccess: Why You May Hate to Study

TipsForSuccess: Need Security?

TipsForSuccess: Five Tips for Success with Children

TipsForSuccess: To Succeed, Follow the Law

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