TipsForSuccess: How to Get Along with Your Spouse (and Others)

How to Get along with Your Spouse (and Others) When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react? Some people like to blame their spouse. "You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home." Others prefer to criticize. "You're so fat it makes me sick." Getting even is also a common response. "Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat." By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship. Cause and Effect When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint. There are two types of relationships: 1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem. For example, husband John says, "Mary, you ran over the neighbor's gate. How could you be so stupid?" John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect. 2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage your spouse to assume the cause point AS WELL. This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes: "If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame. "Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor's gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!' John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John's car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands. "John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones's gate with the car.' John says, `Yes, I know. We've already repaired it." Mary says, `I'm sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.' John says, `That's all right. What about the bathroom curtains?' Mary says, I want to dye them blue.' John says, `That's a good idea.' "If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John's and Mary's attention, since it represents future action." -- L. Ron Hubbard Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility over each other. Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments. Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage. Give it a try!   Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2012 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.   Sign up or learn more about TipsForSuccess at www.tipsforsuccess.org.

 

TipsForSuccess: Getting Organized

Getting Organized As covered in two previous articles, to succeed you need to NAME and WANT whatever product or result you are after. The third component is ORGANIZE TO GET YOUR PRODUCT. "The purpose of organization is TO MAKE PLANNING BECOME ACTUALITY." -- L. Ron Hubbard Well-organized operations make it simple for its employees to follow the set procedures. For example, McDonald's restaurants can train a high-school student to run the cash register, fill orders and provide good service with just a few days of training. Everyone in McDonald's does it the same efficient way, from Burbank to Boise to Berlin. Successful individuals are also well-organized. They get the most possible productivity with the least amount of time and effort. Their work space is orderly and clean. Their possessions are kept in good working order and easy to locate. They are punctual, dependable and efficient. Organized people stay on top of the routine actions necessary to successful living. Their cars run well, their desks are clean and their closets are orderly. They set goals, work out doable plans and figure out their priorities. Because they are organized and ready to produce, they get more things done than people who are disorganized. You, too, must be organized to achieve your dreams. Six Key Ingredients L. Ron Hubbard lists six essential parts of good organizing.      Observation      Planning      Communicating      Supervision      Production      Users 1. Observation: Before you start, look around. See what needs to be done. Envision a well-organized life or operation. When organizing your business, your job, your employees or your home, look at the current scene. Do not assume anything. Listen to no one. Observe for yourself so you can more accurately do the rest of the steps. 2. Planning: List all the steps you will need to take to reach the final result. Break big projects down into small tasks. Make sure each task is doable and not based on fantasy. 3. Communicating: Talk to those who will be involved in your plan. Ensure they will help you, work with you or do the work. 4. Supervision: Everyone is a supervisor, even if just a supervisor for themselves. Someone has to put things into motion. If no one supervises the activity, it dies from lack of attention. 5. Production: Until this point, it's been all thinking and talking. Now you take action. Because you have properly organized the activity, you get more done in less time. Your planning steps will pay off. You can throw yourself and others into the task. Focus on accomplishment. Do whatever you need to do to make the plan an actuality. 6. Users: Make sure whoever receives your product or service is satisfied. If they get what they need or want, you are successful. For example, a new software program that is incredibly powerful, is only successful if anyone can use it. If it's too complicated, it will not lead you to your dreams until you take it one extra mile to the user. As an employee, your user may be your boss, your customers or your coworkers. Do they love your product or service? Does it exceed their expectations? If so, you have organized your ultimate success. Summary NAME your product. Get very specific about what you need to produce or accomplish. WANT your product. Raise your desire and passion to the highest levels possible. ORGANIZE yourself and the activity. Use the six ingredients to quickly and efficiently reach your goals. With all three factors in place, you perform better, accomplish more and make your dreams into reality. You win!   Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2012 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.   Sign up or learn more about TipsForSuccess at www.tipsforsuccess.org.

 

 

TipsForSuccess: The "Want" Factor

The "WANT" Factor As mentioned in last week's article, you can get anything you want if you do three things: "NAME" or describe exactly what you need to create, accomplish or produce, "WANT" that result or product, and "ORGANIZE TO GET" that result or product. This article addresses WANT. How badly do you want to succeed? On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 meaning you are so excited and passionate about your success that you can't sleep), how would you score right now? How important is it for you to reach your goals? How badly do you want to increase your income? How much do you want to improve your future? "Where no real or valuable production is occurring, one has to ask the question, does the executive really WANT the product he is demanding? And does the staff member or members he is dealing with WANT the product?" -- L. Ron Hubbard Just as you can NAME any product or result you want, you can also WANT anything you like. In fact, many people succeed, not because they are experts in their fields, but because they REALLY WANT to succeed. They will do whatever is necessary to reach their goals. Many people do not REALLY WANT the results of their jobs (their products) badly enough to make it happen. And instead of finding ways to get what they want, they find excuses. For example, "I can't get anything done today because _________." Recommendations NAME the product and then WANT the product. 1. NAME the product or the accomplishment or the result. It is much easier to want something specific than something general. Get specific. For example, a car salesperson might want 30 test rides, 5 sales and $1000 in commissions. An accountant might want to complete 20 tax forms and start 3 new clients. A mother might want her five-year-old to use good manners and her 16-year-old to stop smoking pot. 2. Decide to really WANT the result. Increasing your want for a result or product will increase your chances of getting it. For example, "I'd like a successful career" does not show much WANT. So imagine how successful you might be if you wanted a successful career at this level: "MAKING MY CAREER A BIG SUCCESS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME THAT I'LL DO WHATEVER I MUST DO TO BE ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD. I WILL WORK 10-12 HOURS PER DAY. I WILL LEARN ALL I CAN, AND GET AS MUCH HELP AS I CAN, FROM EVERY SOURCE POSSIBLE. I WILL EAT, SLEEP AND BREATHE MY GOAL. I WILL USE ALL MY STRENGTH, TIME, KNOWLEDGE, FAITH, CONFIDENCE AND RESOURCES TO MAKE THIS GO RIGHT. I WILL BECOME THE BEST IN THIS FIELD AND ACCOMPLISH MY GOAL NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!" 3. If you can't make yourself want the product, accomplishment or result, something may be wrong. You may need to straighten up something in your life first. Certain things can kill your desire: drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, unethical behavior and so on. Perhaps you need better self discipline, a better approach, more education, better people around you, a kinder attitude toward yourself or a better place to live or work. Once you reorganize your life, you will find a way to passionately, intensively and unreasonably achieve what you really want. So, how much do you want to succeed?   Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2012 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.   Sign up or learn more about TipsForSuccess at www.tipsforsuccess.org.