| 
Giving and Accepting Help Is on the Road to Success
"It now appears that Help is the make-break point between sanity and insanity." -- L. Ron Hubbard
You can have many problems regarding the subject of help, two of which are:
1. Fear of being helped
2. Frustration when trying to help others
The second problem occurs with doctors, investors, consultants, accountants, teachers, attorneys, counselors, employers, employees, family members and others. You try to help people, but they reject your help.
For example, if you were wealthy, your friends and family members might ask you for loans. But if you were smart, instead of giving loans, you would offer a better form of help: financial education.
Successful investors want others to make money through investments. They agree with the ancient Chinese advice, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
Whenever these investors' family and friends accept this help, they also become wealthy. However, sometimes, they reject this help. They say, "Investing is too hard" or "It's too risky" or "I don't have the time."
Physicians also have this problem. They tell patients to stop smoking, eat more vegetables and exercise. Patients often reject this helpful advice and just want drugs. In fact, some patients change doctors if they don't get the drugs they want.
You might know several ways to help people with your advice. And when people will not listen to your advice, you probably feel frustrated. You might even give up on giving help. You might say, "To heck with them!" "They don't deserve my help." "I'm too good for them."
If the frustration gets worse, you might even feel a little crazy. You cross over the make-break point between sanity and insanity!
Help Becomes Insanity
A mother knows her daughter is marrying the wrong man. He has black greasy hair, lives in a van and smells bad. The mother makes a few hints, but the daughter won't budge.
She finally says, "You should not marry that man!"
If the daughter rejects this advice and gets married anyway, the mother might start acting nutty.
When people reject your assistance, you might avoid talking to them. You might give up on them. You would find other friends.
You would also reject their help, no matter how badly you needed it. You might even reject help from everyone.
People who cannot accept help act like they are totally self-reliant.
"I don't need anyone to help me succeed."
"Save your help for someone who really needs it."
"I'm not failing in everything, so I'll wait until I am."
But believing you do not need any help from anyone closes the door to opportunities for a brighter, more prosperous future. This is not very sane.
Another reason people dislike help is when they are betrayed.
Help Becomes Betrayal
You trust someone and then they stab you in the back. They betray you and so you stop trusting them. If enough people betray you, you decide to not trust anyone.
When people say they can help you, you immediately worry they cannot be trusted.
Betrayal, disguised as help, is common in this society. For example, you hear someone is depressed and so goes to a psychiatrist for help. A few weeks later, they are either taking a psychiatric drug or feeling more depressed than ever. You learn a lesson. If you feel depressed, do not seek help!
Con artists take advantage of you by pretending to offer help. "I know how you can double your money in one month! You can't lose!"
A few weeks later, the con artist, and your investment, are history.
Business owners often feel damaged by employees they trust. "Don't worry boss, you can count on me!" Employees often feel the same way about business owners. "I'll give you a raise as soon as the company is doing better."
Even worse is when your spouse or a family member betrays you.
If you are betrayed too often, the world seems against you. You feel alone.
You tend to stop people, including yourself, from pursuing a brighter future. You discourage risk. You criticize new ideas. You feel afraid of change.
Yet you can't give up! You can't close the door to possibilities. You can't lose hope.
Hope
Even if you have been betrayed, you can and should trust most people anyway.
Most people have good intentions. Most people enjoy helping you. Most people are not evil.
The small percentage of people you cannot trust are easy to identify. You just need to know the signs of the anti-social personality. Check out www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm for details.
Eight Healthy Attitudes about Help
1. Most people want to be trustworthy and will be trustworthy if you do not hurt them first.
2. Rejecting help does not improve your life, but closes the door to opportunities.
3. Being too "proud" to accept help has nothing to do with pride and everything to do with past betrayals.
4. Too much self-reliance or self-dependence limits your success. Being an island burns you out.
5. Seeking help does not mean you have failed, but is a sign of intelligence.
6. Depending on people is healthy and vital to your long-term success. Everyone who is famous, wealthy or wildly successful proudly admits they had a great deal of help. No one succeeds on their own.
7. People are basically good. Most of them have good intentions. They are worthy of your help.
8. Freely giving help and freely accepting help are signs of sanity. Both are essential to your success.
Recommendations
If giving or receiving help is not easy for you, deliberately do the following two steps every day.
1. Find something you are not very good at and find someone to help you with it.
2. Find someone who is not very good at something and help them with it.
After one week, notice how you feel.
Reaching your goals and becoming a total success is much easier if you give and receive massive amounts of help along the way.
Copyright © 2006 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.TipsForSuccessCoaching.org. For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here. To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here. |
