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Who Do You Blame? No one wins the blame game. For example, you make a mistake and feel guilty. So you blame someone or something. "I crashed the car because you played the radio too loud!" "It's not my fault the soup is too salty! It's your stupid recipe." "If we had a newer computer, I wouldn't have deleted the computer files." Blame is frequently used to explain poor job performance. "My boss is such a jerk, I can't get my work done." "I closed my painting shop and went bankrupt because of the economy." "I don't get paid enough to be nice to EVERY customer." Blame is also used for personal problems. "I'm depressed because of the tragedies on television." "I can't be faithful to my wife because I have a chemical imbalance." "I can't stop smoking because my father used to spank me." Why You Can't Win the Blame Game When you blame someone or something else, you actually make yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself "at effect" instead of being "at cause" of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame. "Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the same act loses control and becomes effect." -- L. Ron Hubbard For example, your business is failing and you blame your assistant. You are making your assistant more powerful than you. You might say, "My assistant messed up my business, " which is just another way of saying, "My assistant determines if my business succeeds or fails." If you take responsibility for your business, you would say, "I need to train my assistant so he doesn't make mistakes" or "I'd better fire my assistant so my business will succeed." As another example, you might blame your parents for your stress and anxiety. This makes your parents responsible for your feelings. You might say, "My parents ruined my life" which is the same as saying, "My parents are so powerful, they control my emotions. I have no control over my anxiety." Stopping the blame game and accepting responsibility for yourself gives you new hope. "My parents didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life by being lazy and unemployed. I just need to improve my opinion about myself and get busy." While blaming people for your problems is silly, blaming physical objects is even worse. "My house is so ugly, I feel depressed." "Hot weather makes me go crazy!" "My body has a disorder which makes me fat." In these cases, you are actually saying, "My life is controlled by _______." If you wish to succeed, you have to end the blame game. You only get ahead when you become "cause" over the situation. " I'll stop watching TV and paint my house a nice color." "I'll stay inside so the hot weather doesn't bother me." "I'm only fat because I eat too much and don't exercise." Five Steps for Ending the Blame Game 1. Make four columns on a sheet of paper. 2. In the first column, list all of the problems or conditions you blame on others or things. Example: "I can't stop smoking because I'm addicted to nicotine." 3. In the next column, write how you are responsible for each problem or condition. Example: "I am the one who decided to become a smoker." 4. Write how you can take more responsibility for each. Example: "I could be more determined to quit smoking." 5. In the last column, write down an action step you can take for each problem or condition. Example: "Each time I want a cigarette this week, take a 15-minute walk first." Five Benefits of Taking More Responsibility * Other people and things have less control over your destiny. * Poor conditions start to improve. * You make fewer mistakes. * No one can control you without your consent. * You become the most powerful force in your future success. Copyright © 2006 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.TipsForSuccessCoaching.org. For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here. To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here. |
