TipsForSuccess: September 2007

TipsForSuccess: How to Get Revenge

Five Ways to Be More Popular

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Many people believe the route to success is to be interesting--to show off or act like someone else.

For example, many teenagers can't understand why they are unpopular. They learned as children that to get attention they should act up a little; to be cute or interesting. Yet later on as teens, they find acting interesting does not make them popular.

To handle their unpopularity, these teenagers might despise people or become loners. Or they get involved in smoking, drinking, shoplifting, drugs, sex, guns and so on.

Acting interesting can ruin your adult life as well. Show-off employees, self-centered managers and pompous business owners rarely succeed. Why not?

Because the secret to popularity is not to be interesting, but to be interested!

"When a person becomes terribly interesting he has lots of problems, believe me. That is the chasm which is crossed by all of your celebrities, anybody who is foolish enough to become famous. He crosses over from being interested in life to being interesting. And people who are interesting are really no longer interested in life. It's very baffling to some young fellow why he can't make some beautiful girl interested in him. Well, she is not interested, she is interesting." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you are an actor, you must be interesting while you are acting. It's part of the job. Seminar speakers must be interesting to keep the attention of their audiences. The best comedians, models and magicians are interesting, even fascinating.

Yet in real life, if you try to be interesting and only do things to get attention and admiration, people will get tired of you. You only feel good if people approve of you. You are not very helpful.

When your attention is more on others than on yourself, you feel less stress. You act and respond with more intelligence. When you are interested, you are extroverted and effective.

Examples

In each example, who do you think is most popular?

1. While on a date, Chris talks about his expensive car, his karate trophies and all his money.

Jim, on the other hand, compliments his date and asks about her family, her hobbies and her interests.

2. At your cousin's wedding, Aunt Maggie tells everyone how her wedding had 500 guests, a live band and 100 doves.

Aunt Judy is thrilled to see her nieces and nephews and learns all about their school accomplishments.

3. Jill and Toni both want the office manager job at an office supply store. Jill tells the boss about how great she is with people, with computers and with employees.

Toni asks questions about the last office manager, the office's problems and what the boss needs and wants from the office manager. After Toni understands the position's requirements, she assures the boss she can do it.

4. You tell Jacob and Tom, "I just found out that my business is finally making a profit. I'm so relieved!"

Tom asks, "Wow! How the heck did you do it?"

Jacob says, "Did I tell you about my first business? It was profitable the first week and . . . "

Five Ways to Be More Popular

To get people to support you, to like you, to open up to you, you must be interested in them.

1. Practice shifting your attention from yourself onto other people. Force yourself to observe them and understand them. You might be surprised at what you see!

2. Discover things about people that interest you. "What is interesting about Joe? What else is interesting about Joe?" Make a new habit of automatically getting interested in each person you see.

3. If you catch yourself acting like someone else, showing off or topping people's stories, you are being interesting. If instead you get interested, you will feel more natural, more like yourself. The fact is, you are most effective when you are simply being yourself.

4. When people make you nervous or shy, get interested in them. Take your attention off of yourself and put it on to them. With practice, this will make you calm, even bold.

5. Focus on how you can help the person in front of you. Replace your tendency to act interesting with a purpose to help. Your effectiveness and popularity will soar!

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TipsForSuccess: Is the Honeymoon Over?

How to Get Revenge

Do you want to hurt someone because he or she hurt you? Do you need to get even? Are you seeking revenge?

How do you get back at someone who treats you poorly? Who ruins your success? Who treats you like an enemy?

You might think the best revenge is to destroy your enemies. Make them regret ever messing with you. Prove you are more powerful.

Fighting an enemy can take over your life and cost you enormous amounts of money and time. Trying to get even with the bad guys can ruin your life more thoroughly than their original attack.

For example, Peter and his wife Samantha worked hard for 25 years to make their restaurant the best in town. Their restaurant was so popular, it was worth over $2 million. So when Peter caught Samantha having an affair, he asked for a divorce and decided to get even. He made sure they fought over every tiny detail for three years. In the end, their lawyers all had new Mercedes and they had nothing.

Many lawsuits are based on revenge. For example, an employee feels offended by a bad joke and decides to sue the company. Partners accuse each other of breaking their agreement and so spend five years fighting in court. You feel cheated by a company and so spend thousands of hours trying to make them pay you back.

If you use violence for revenge, you regret your actions. You hurt innocent people. You destroy your life. You end in prison.

Is anyone trying to ruin your success? How would you like to defeat them, once and for all?

In 1991, L. Ron Hubbard wrote "The Way to Happiness," a booklet that gives you 21 principles to achieve happiness. The 21st principle, reprinted below, outlines the most effective way to get revenge.

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"Sometimes others seek to crush one down, to make nothing out of one's hopes and dreams, one's future and one, himself.

"By ridicule and many other means, another who is evil-intentioned toward one can try to bring about one's decline.

"For whatever reason, efforts to improve oneself, to become happier in life, can become the subject of attacks.

"It is sometimes necessary to handle such directly. But there is a long range handling that seldom fails.

"What, exactly, are such people trying to do to one? They are trying to reduce one downward. They must conceive that one is dangerous to them in some way: that if one got up in the world, one could be a menace* to them. So, in various ways, such seek to depress one's talents and capabilities.

"Some madmen even have a general plan that goes like this: "if A becomes more successful, A could be a menace to me; therefore I must do all I can to make A less successful." It never seems to occur to such that their actions might make an enemy out of A even though he was no enemy before. It can be classed as an almost certain way for such madmen to get into trouble. Some do it just from prejudice or because they "don't like someone."

"But however it is attempted, the real object of such is to make their target grow less and fail in life.

"The real handling of such a situation and such people, the real way to defeat them is to flourish and prosper.

"Oh, yes, it is true that such people, seeing one improve his lot**, can become frantic and attack all the harder. The thing to do is handle them if one must but don't give up flourishing and prospering for that is what such people want you to do.

If you flourish and prosper more and more, such people go into apathy*** about it; they can give it up completely.

"And that is my wish for you: flourish and prosper!" -- L. Ron Hubbard

(*menace: a threat or danger) (**lot: one's destiny or condition in life) (***apathy: complete failure, no feeling, no emotion)

Learn more about "The Way to Happiness" at www.twth.org. You can also buy a copy of the booklet at
www.tipsforsuccess.org/way-to-happiness.htm.

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TipsForSuccess: How Your Negative Emotions Ruin Your Productivity

Is the Honeymoon Over?

When you fall in love, it seems like your love will last forever. So you get married. You want a permanent feeling of love. Yet sooner or later, it happens . . . no more spark.

Perhaps a marriage counselor tells you to take a weekend trip together. So you give it a try and you feel a little spark again. But once you get back to your routine, the honeymoon is over again.

Maybe you try a drug or some wine to make your marriage better. If it helps, it is only temporary and then it feels worse. Besides that, you don't want to depend on a chemical for a good marriage.

So couples give up. They either endure their apathetic, unhappy or stormy relationship, or they get divorced.

Most people have the wrong idea about marriage. They think you can just sit back and enjoy it. Unfortunately, a marriage does not exist just because you had a nice wedding ceremony. A family does not exist just because you have children. You need to create it.

"It's very easy to break down a family because there is no relationship in a family except a pretended relationship."

"Now, I'm not saying that marriage is a false relationship. It isn't. In this society and time, a family is the closest knit, self-perpetuating, self-protecting unit and is necessary economically and otherwise to the society the way it's rigged at this present time."

"The relationship, basically, is a postulated* relationship."

"And when people stop postulating it, it ceases to exist!" -- L. Ron Hubbard (*Postulated: Something you create or decide is true.)

For example, to have a beautiful flower garden, you need to remove weeds, fertilize and water the plants, plant new flowers and more. If you do not constantly create or postulate the flower garden, it dies away. A marriage is the same way.

If you and your spouse are postulating your family and marriage, the spark comes back. The honeymoon continues. Nothing can come along and ruin things.

Example: "He seduced my wife and ruined my marriage" is another way of saying, "I ignored my marriage for two years, so she found someone who wanted to create a relationship with her."

Example: "He's a pig. He ignores me, drinks beer and watches television all night" really means, "I'm not putting anything into the marriage that he enjoys."

Example: "She won't be as affectionate as she was on our honeymoon" is the same thing as saying, "I've stopped being romantic like I was on our honeymoon."

If you build a desk, it sits there indefinitely. You only need to create it once. If you could just create a marriage one time like a desk, everyone would have a happy marriage. However, it does not work that way.

A happy marriage or happy family is a living, breathing, dynamic relationship. It requires constant creation by everyone in the relationship, on a daily basis.

Ten Recommendations

The first, most effective way to create your marriage or other relationship is to decide to do so. If your desire is strong, you will come up with an unlimited number of ways you can create it. Examples:

1. Agree on goals you can work on together
2. Make an effort to make your spouse laugh whenever possible
3. Praise his or her accomplishments
4. Keep your body, breath and teeth clean
5. Give small gifts and surprises
6. If one of you is out of town, talk on the telephone at least once each day
7. Find new ways to help and support your spouse
8. Keep yourself healthy with good diet and exercise
9. Always be willing to listen
10. Agree on the most pleasurable experiences you can enjoy together and do them

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How Your Negative Emotions Ruin Your Productivity

When the elderly sales manager of ABC Autos retired, car sales dropped in half. The salespeople were making less money. Pete, the new sales manager, was yelling at the salespeople to do better, but with no improvement. The company owner, Mr. Christopher, was getting desperate.

Mr. Christopher sat down with the sales manager and said, "Pete, you've got to quit yelling at the salespeople. Our old sales manager never yelled. Please give it a try."

Pete said, "Where I come from, if you don't yell, you don't get sales. Fire me if you want, but I'm gonna yell."

Mr. Christopher said, "Okay, I don't care what you do, just get the sales numbers back up this week."

So Pete held a sales meeting and screamed, "IF YOU DON'T MAKE AT LEAST ONE SALE THIS WEEK, YOU ARE FIRED!"

The sales staff ran out and started calling people on the phone. "You HAVE to call me!" "I know you it's been six months since you were here, but I need to see you. "Your old car is dangerous; you must come in NOW!"

A couple walked in to browse. Four salespeople charged at them. The first one actually ran to beat the others and said, "HI THERE! How can I help you! Let me show you around!"

The couple jumped back, mumbled "No thanks" and headed for the door. Another salesperson was blocking the doorway. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

The couple fought their way out the door and the salespeople went back to their telephones. Mr. Christopher, who was watching, shook his head.

Emotional Reactions

When things don't go your way, how do you react?

Some people get more emotional, more reactive. They get frustrated, sad, angry or worse. They react without thinking.

Unfortunately, this can make a short-term improvement. This is why bosses will threaten, scream and pound. They don't realize FORCED productivity is slavery and always backfires. Long-term improvements require another approach.

When a work environment is tense and emotional, pay also drops. Good people look for other jobs. No one is happy.

In 1971, L. Ron Hubbard wrote: "THE PRIMARY BARRIER TO PRODUCTION IS HUMAN EMOTION AND REACTION."

Careers, jobs and businesses fail when emotional reactions take over.

Mr. Christopher Hires a New Manager

Of course, sales at ABC Autos went from bad to worse and Pete was fired. The owner, Mr. Christopher, decided to run the sales people himself.

First, he held a sales meeting with gourmet pizza. They celebrated Pete's departure.

Next, he went over the facts about the cars and the kindest, most intelligent ways to sell cars. The emotional outbursts and reactive behavior were gone.

By the end of the week, sales increased and continued to increase each week.

Sixty Examples of Human Emotions and Reactions That Can Hurt Your Productivity

Reaching your goals and succeeding as never before means you need high-level performance. You must be capable of high-volume work. The road to success does not include negative emotional reactions.

You must remove, control or ignore the following types of emotions and reactions to improve your personal power and performance. They are wrecking your forward progress.

Whining, snippy comments, avoidance, the silent treatment, revenge, disrespect, acting up, resentment, moaning, sulking, death wishes, blaming, fear, mocking someone, hate, getting upset, yelling, lump-in-throat sadness, emotional pain, complaining, being grouchy, mood swings, hostility, false sincerity, making someone wrong, political games, jealousy, preaching, overwhelming someone, anxiety, sarcasm, despair, harassment, pretending to be hurt, disagreeing without thinking, giving sympathy, demanding sympathy, getting even, antagonism, terror, being critical, belligerence, exasperation, acting stupid, regret, pity, gossiping, feeling useless, apathy, anger, lying, hopelessness, being stressed out, crying, confusion, sighing, being glum, hysteria, being a victim and cutting off communication.

Five Examples

1. Office Politics

Office games waste time and slow down career success. "Jack took credit for my project so I'm going to crash his computer. " "Sue didn't invite me to lunch so I'll tell the boss she is lazy." "If I can make Wendell look bad, he'll get fired and I'll get that corner office."

2. Marriages

Couples become miserable when their negative emotions and reactions pop up. "He became so cold and heartless, I didn't want him to touch me." "She didn't notice my work in the backyard so I decided to spend more time drinking with my friends." "We haven't really talked for two years."

3. Children

"Clean up your room or I'm locking you in it." "He yells at me every time I talk about my boyfriend, so I'll just sleep with him." "I hate you!"

4. Management

Executives are praised or demoted to a large degree by how well they handle their emotions and reactions.

For example, employees lose confidence when the boss says, "I didn't like how you looked at me this morning" or "I'm really depressed right now."

Employee performance suffers when bosses say, "You're such a stupid idiot!" or "Once again you have ruined my day."

5. Self

When you decide to have negative emotions or reactions, you hurt yourself the most. "I'm too upset to work any longer today." "I'll be just secretive about what I'm really doing as he scares me." "If I look really depressed, she'll feel sorry for me and give me a raise."

To succeed, you must shake off the emotional reactions, get focused, be honest and get working.

Recommendations

If your negative emotions are too strong for you to handle, set a goal to improve yourself. Use one or more of these recommendations:

1. Lighten up. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Read "Being Too Serious Can Drive You Crazy" at www.tipsforsuccess.org/seriousness.htm.

2. Set goals you can get excited about. Focus on your goals whenever you feel negative emotions. Read "How to Set Goals You Can Get Excited About" at www.tipsforsuccess.org/goals-link.htm.

3. Be stronger using the recommendations outlined in "How to Generate Personal Power and Command of Life" at www.tipsforsuccess.org/personal-power.htm.

4. Take better control of yourself. Use the free coaching tools at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org.

5. Improve your mental health. Buy and read the book Self Analysis. Available at www.tipsforsuccess.org/self-analysis.htm.

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: Five Ways to Be More Popular

TipsForSuccess: How to Get Revenge

TipsForSuccess: Is the Honeymoon Over?

TipsForSuccess: How Your Negative Emotions Ruin Your Productivity

TipsForSuccess: Be Honest with Yourself

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