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TipsForSuccess: Is the Honeymoon Over?


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Is the Honeymoon Over?

When you fall in love, it seems like your love will last forever. So you get married. You want a permanent feeling of love. Yet sooner or later, it happens . . . no more spark.

Perhaps a marriage counselor tells you to take a weekend trip together. So you give it a try and you feel a little spark again. But once you get back to your routine, the honeymoon is over again.

Maybe you try a drug or some wine to make your marriage better. If it helps, it is only temporary and then it feels worse. Besides that, you don't want to depend on a chemical for a good marriage.

So couples give up. They either endure their apathetic, unhappy or stormy relationship, or they get divorced.

Most people have the wrong idea about marriage. They think you can just sit back and enjoy it. Unfortunately, a marriage does not exist just because you had a nice wedding ceremony. A family does not exist just because you have children. You need to create it.

"It's very easy to break down a family because there is no relationship in a family except a pretended relationship."

"Now, I'm not saying that marriage is a false relationship. It isn't. In this society and time, a family is the closest knit, self-perpetuating, self-protecting unit and is necessary economically and otherwise to the society the way it's rigged at this present time."

"The relationship, basically, is a postulated* relationship."

"And when people stop postulating it, it ceases to exist!" -- L. Ron Hubbard
(*Postulated: Something you create or decide is true.)

For example, to have a beautiful flower garden, you need to remove weeds, fertilize and water the plants, plant new flowers and more. If you do not constantly create or postulate the flower garden, it dies away. A marriage is the same way.

If you and your spouse are postulating your family and marriage, the spark comes back. The honeymoon continues. Nothing can come along and ruin things.

Example: "He seduced my wife and ruined my marriage" is another way of saying, "I ignored my marriage for two years, so she found someone who wanted to create a relationship with her."

Example: "He's a pig. He ignores me, drinks beer and watches television all night" really means, "I'm not putting anything into the marriage that he enjoys."

Example: "She won't be as affectionate as she was on our honeymoon" is the same thing as saying, "I've stopped being romantic like I was on our honeymoon."

If you build a desk, it sits there indefinitely. You only need to create it once. If you could just create a marriage one time like a desk, everyone would have a happy marriage. However, it does not work that way.

A happy marriage or happy family is a living, breathing, dynamic relationship. It requires constant creation by everyone in the relationship, on a daily basis.

Ten Recommendations

The first, most effective way to create your marriage or other relationship is to decide to do so. If your desire is strong, you will come up with an unlimited number of ways you can create it. Examples:

1. Agree on goals you can work on together
2. Make an effort to make your spouse laugh whenever possible
3. Praise his or her accomplishments
4. Keep your body, breath and teeth clean
5. Give small gifts and surprises
6. If one of you is out of town, talk on the telephone at least once each day
7. Find new ways to help and support your spouse
8. Keep yourself healthy with good diet and exercise
9. Always be willing to listen
10. Agree on the most pleasurable experiences you can enjoy together and do them

Copyright © 2007 All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

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