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TipsForSuccess: "Did You Hear Me?"

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"Did You Hear Me?"

Does it bother you when you say things to people and they just stare at you? If they act like you said nothing at all?

Do you want people to confide in you? To value their time with you? To regard you as a good conversationalist?

If so, you will like this simple, yet powerful, communication technique.

After someone tells you something, what should you do next?

"Acknowledgment: Something said or done to inform another that his statement or action has been noted, understood and received. 'Very good,' 'Okay,' and other such phrases are intended to inform another who has spoken or acted that his statement or action has been accepted."

"Acknowledgment itself does not necessarily imply an approval or disapproval or any other thing beyond the knowledge that an action or statement has been observed and is received." -- L. Ron Hubbard


For example, if I ask you for the time and you reply, "It's nine o'clock," how would you know I received your answer if I didn't give you an acknowledgment? You might feel a little confused and wonder why I didn't say anything.

If you say, "It's nine o'clock" and I say, "thanks," you know I heard you and you can move on.

Pay attention and wait until the person is finished. Then indicate you received and understood the message. "Okay," "Thanks," "Good," "All right," "I got that," "Makes sense," "Sure thing," "Fine" and so on.

10 Acknowledgment Facts

1. Some people do not like to talk. Why? Perhaps at some point, they tried to express themselves and were repeatedly ignored. They have given up the idea that anyone listens to them.

2. Other people talk too much. Why? They believe no one hears them. They are still trying to get through. They think that if they talk long enough, someone will listen. If someone would acknowledge them, they could relax.

3. When employers give their staff members a good acknowledgment for completing their work, the staff members feel proud and satisfied.

"Boss, I finished that project ahead of schedule and under budget!"

"Good job!"

If the boss does not acknowledge the project completion, the employee will either repeat the statement or give up and lose interest in talking to the boss.

4. Employees who are not acknowledged will demand more pay because pay is a form of acknowledgment. Without any acknowledgments, an employee eventually gives up and finds a better boss who appreciates the employee's hard work.

5. Bosses (and parents) need to be acknowledged as well.

"Could you clean up this area before you leave?"

Silence.

"I said, clean up this area before you leave."

Blank face.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID CLEAN UP THE AREA BEFORE YOU LEAVE! GOT IT?"

6. Acknowledgments help keep your relationships going. If you never respond to personal letters, no one will write to you. If you forget to thank people for their gifts, you eventually get no gifts. If you never return telephone calls, your phone goes silent.

7. Acknowledging e-mail communication is also important. With so many spam filters around, you might not know if your message gets through if the person does not write back. You improve your relationships when you acknowledge your e-mail: "Thanks for the note."

8. Children who are not acknowledged get upset and demand more attention. "Mommy? Watch this! Mommy? Watch me! Mommy? Look at me! Mommy? Mommy?" Parents who acknowledge their children have calmer, more confident children.

9. Believe it or not, even dogs and cats are happier when you acknowledge their efforts to please you. "Good girl!" Do not be surprised that if you ignore them, they cause problems.

10. When people do not acknowledge you, you feel the need repeat yourself. You speak louder. You get angry or yell. You might also decide "To heck with it," and stop talking.

How to Test this Success Tip

If you are not sure an acknowledgment is important, listen to someone talk to you and then say nothing. Remain silent. Don't even nod your head. Notice how they react.

Then give the person some relief and say, "Oh, sorry. I heard you."

Also try it if someone repeats themselves or gets irritated at you for no reason. Patiently listen and then give him or her a good acknowledgment. "Yes, I understand. Thank you." If you do it properly, they will feel much better.


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