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The Ultimate Marriage Tool
Affinity, Reality and Communication (ARC)
"The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Affinity: how well you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
Understanding: The result of combining affinity, reality and communication
Part 6: How ARC Can Save or Improve Your Marriage
As with all of your relationships, your marriage succeeds or fails based on ARC. The more you communicate, the more you agree on things, and the greater your affinity for your spouse, the better your marriage. If you do not communicate, do not agree and do not like each other, the marriage is doomed.
"Marriages fall apart simply because of a failure of communication, because of a failure of reality and affinity." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Young lovers believe, "Our love is so strong, it will make our marriage last forever." Of course, if affinity is all they have, sooner or later, the lack of agreement or poor communication ruins the relationship.
For example, Julie and Jeff meet at a coffee shop one night, fall madly in love and get married. When apart, they can't think of anything but each other. When together, they can't keep their hands off each other. Neither have experienced so much affinity, so they get married.
But their reality point suffers. Julie doesn't agree with Jeff's decision to start a plumbing shop. She would rather he became an accountant. Jeff doesn't agree with Julie's urge to socialize. He'd rather she stayed at home.
To compensate, they decide to not communicate, "Let's not talk about those things right now. All that matters is that we will love each other forever." Of course, by not communicating about their disagreements, their love/affinity begins to dwindle.
Julie and Jeff stop holding hands as often. Sometimes they ignore each other at home. They keep secrets from each other. They argue about little things, like where to eat dinner, who should clean the house and which type of cat food is best.
The little things become bigger things: choices of friends, money, sex and so on. The arguments become fights. Jeff storms out and stays away for a few nights. Julie moves back with her parents. The marriage dies.
As another example, Bill and Diana know how to use the ARC Triangle. When they first meet at work, they feel the same incredible feeling of affinity toward each other. Love songs, sunsets and hugs become amazing experiences for both of them.
But as they begin to plan their life together, Bill and Diana take the time to bring their communication and reality up to the same level as their affinity point. They say things like:
"Instead of going to a movie tonight, why don't we talk about our goals. Maybe we can agree on a future together."
"If we were to stay together, we'd have to agree on how we would spend our time together. I like to spend time with my old friends. What do you think?"
"I need to tell you something I did wrong and really regret, but we agreed to not have secrets. Can I tell you now?"
While they might experience some glitches in their relationship, the strength of their affinity AND reality AND communication is stronger than any problems they encounter. Bill and Diana get married and stay married for decades, based on all three points of the ARC Triangle.
Recommendations
You can improve your marriage, or even save a bad marriage, by improving your ARC.
1. Write down how you can improve your communication with your spouse.
2. Write down how you can reach more agreements with your spouse.
3. Write down how you can increase your affinity for your spouse.
4. Take the easiest task and do it today.
5. Do the rest of the tasks and continue these steps until your ARC with your spouse is higher and your marriage is better than ever!
To read Parts 1 through 5, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/arc1.htm
Copyright © 2008 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here. |
