TipsForSuccess: October 2008

TipsForSuccess: Fear

Fear

If nothing ever scares you, success is easy. You never feel hesitant, shy or nervous. You take action.

However, when you do not act, it is probably because of fear.

Fear is the inability to face someone or something. You prefer to avoid it. When you cannot face an issue, it seems complicated or stressful.

For example, if you cannot talk about money with people, you have money problems. Whenever you need to ask for money or negotiate financial terms, you freeze. As a result, you earn less money.

If you are an employer, but cannot face staff conflicts, production statistics decline. Work becomes serious. Since no one resolves the staff problems, they persist while your business suffers.

Avoiding topics with your spouse is a common reason for marriage problems. Your fears block your communication. Hiding, withholding or suppressing your feelings and thoughts from your spouse is a giant leap toward divorce.

In a book called Science of Survival, L. Ron Hubbard explains how fears are like shadows. If you reach out and take action despite your fears, you will discover how thin and weak the fears really are!

To illustrate this point, he wrote, "On Lake Tanganyika* the natives have a very interesting way of catching fish. There on the equator the sun shines straight down through the clear water. The natives take blocks of wood and string them along a long rope. They stretch this rope between two canoes and with these abreast begin to paddle towards the shoal** water. By the time they have reached the shoals, schools of fish are piled and crowded into the rocks and onto the beach. The blocks of wood on the rope make shadows which go all the way down to the bottom of the lake and the fish, seeing the approach of these shadows and the apparent solid bars which they form in the water, swim fearfully away from them and so are caught." -- L. Ron Hubbard (* Lake Tanganyika is located in east-central Africa ** shoal: shallow)

Four Ways to Shine Light on Your Shadows

1. One effective method is drilling or role playing. You identify a circumstance that gives you fear. You pretend to face the situation in a role-playing exercise. Drilling allows you to discover which parts of the problem are really problems and which are simply shadows.

For example, you need to ask your boss for a raise. Before talking to him you practice the conversation with your friend. You work out some details, change your approach and work out your best possible presentation. Because you are prepared for the meeting, you are not as nervous.

2. Another method of reducing fear is to approach the problem with gradient steps. You cut the problem into smaller pieces. You successfully deal with the small parts and thus reach a full resolution.

For example, you need to fill out a 10-page government tax form. Instead of trying to take on the entire task in one day, you decide to just fill out the first page and then quit.

One page is much easier than ten pages! The next day, you decide to tackle pages two and three.

You continue like this and before you know it, you have completed the form. You have conquered your fear.

3. Talking about the fear can reduce the effects of fear. After you openly discuss it with someone who listens, the problem often feels less difficult.

For example, you are afraid of flying in an airplane. Your spouse agrees to listen to you and you spill your guts. You describe everything about flying that scares you. After a while, you decide you can fly.

L. Ron Hubbard discovered that talking and listening is a powerful form of therapy, when done correctly. He spent years developing an entire system that guides your communication in a counseling session. As a result, you can completely remove your fears. For more information, click the link at the end of this article.

4. In many cases, the best approach to dealing with a fear is to close your eyes and jump in. You face the fear without any regard for your feelings and emotions. You might get nervous or even terrified, but once you take the leap, you discover the big monsters are merely shadows.

Confronting a fear can be tough, but the reward is enormous.

Succeeding, despite a fear, means you have done something you could not do before. And that is real success!

Watch a video about resolving fears and other problems that block your success by clicking http://www.lrh-books.com/Dnintro.html

TipsForSuccess: Does Money Control You?

Is Money Controlling You?

Do you control money or does money control you?

10 Signs Money Is Controlling You
You constantly worry about having enough money
You often wish you could buy more things
Your only goal in life is to get rich, but you have no realistic plan
You spend money to feel better
You blame others for your financial problems (government, boss, spouse)
You judge people based on the amount of money they have
You lie, cheat or steal to get money; even a little lying or cheating shows money is controlling you
You take unnecessary financial risks
You use credit to buy things that decrease in value, such as expensive cars or expensive clothing
Money controls your mood-you feel good or bad based on your finances

10 Signs You Are Controlling Money
You decide to buy something, save the money, and get what you want
You buy things that increase in value
You invest in yourself, such as more education or personal improvement
You donate to causes you believe in, even if just small amounts
You keep your financial agreements
You have good credit
You pay your taxes
Cheating you out of your money is very difficult
Each year, your earning power improves and financial worth increases
You use money as a tool to follow your dreams and reach your goals

Five Ways to Control Money

1. Spend your money according to a plan.

"THE LESS AMOUNT OF INCOME AN ORGANIZATION OR AN INDIVIDUAL HAS, THE MORE CAREFULLY AND WISELY FINANCIAL PLANNING MUST BE DONE." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you spend money as you get it, or to pay off squeaky wheels, you have no plan. You spend a few bucks here and a few bucks there until your money is gone. Instead, take control and write a financial spending plan. Decide in advance how you will spend your money.

When you plan your spending, you make better decisions. Examples: "If I buy these extra classes, I'll get a raise." "I want a new car and will set aside $60 per week until I have the full amount." "If I pay off this credit card with the minimum payments, it'll take me 23 YEARS to pay it off! I'd better pay $100 extra each month and cut the stupid thing in half!"

2. Never spend more than you make.

"Make all the money you can. Spend less than that. That's the simple ABC of financial control." -- L. Ron Hubbard

When planning your spending, ensure you follow the above rule. For example, "Each week I will set aside $______ for the house, 10% to education, 5% to savings, pay current bills and buy food. Anything left can be spent on fun things like movies and vacations."

3. Stop wasting your time trying to get money without earning it.

"One has to produce something to exchange for money." "One exchanges something valuable for something valuable." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Do not gamble, play the lottery or try to cheat others. Do not wait for your fortune to arrive or expect someone to hand you money. Count only on yourself.

Get rich the old reliable way. Create something valuable and exchange it for the money you want. You deserve it, because you earn it.

4. Increase your productivity and improve the quality of your work.

"Produce in abundance and try to give better-than-expected quality." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, if you give haircuts for a living, find ways to make your customers' hair look more beautiful. If you fix furnaces and usually fix two per day, figure out how to fix three furnaces per day . . . and then train and manage other furnace-repair people.

5. Make constant, steady progress.

"THE TOTALITY* OF POWER IS ORDERLY PROGRESS." -- L. Ron Hubbard *(Totality: quality or state of being total or complete.)

Keep track of your financial progress. For example, make a graph showing your total debts and total savings. Then make sure your savings go up every month and your debts go down every month, even if just a little bit.

When you know you are steadily improving your financial condition, you are controlling it.

Once you are in control of money, you can focus on your more important purposes.

TipsForSuccess: "The Whole World Stinks"

"The Whole World Stinks!"

While Grandpa is taking a nap on the couch, his seven-year-old grandson gets some Limburger cheese from the refrigerator and smears it on Grandpa's mustache. (If you've never smelled Limburger cheese, its smell is very strong!)

When Grandpa wakes up, he says, "This room stinks!" He goes to another room and says, "This room stinks." After walking throughout the house, he says, "The whole house stinks!"

Grandpa goes outside and takes a deep breath and says, "The whole world stinks!"

Have you ever noticed how the world seems to change according to your attitude?

Three Examples

1. You read about the bad economy and suddenly worry about your job or business, your lack of savings and your bills. You look outside and the weather seems uncomfortable, the sky seems darker. You notice the people walking by seem to look at the ground more than before. Everyone seems afraid.

2. After you have another argument with your spouse, you go to a movie. You notice that nobody seems to smile. Couples seem to be bored with each other. The movie's happy ending seems phony.

3. Despite the economy, your business made a healthy profit this month. You celebrate at a restaurant where the food tastes great and the waitress is cheerful. When you go outside, the sunset looks glorious. Everyone seems to be smiling.

Why Life Changes

In an article "Is it Possible to Be Happy?" L. Ron Hubbard writes:

"You remember when you were maybe five years old, and you went out in the morning and you looked at the day, and it was a very, very beautiful day, and you looked at the flowers and they were very beautiful flowers.

"Twenty-five years later you get up in the morning, you take a look at the flowers--they are wilted. The day isn't a happy day.

"Well, what has changed? You know they are the same flowers, it's the same world, something must have changed.

"Probably it was you."

"One's attitude toward life makes every possible difference in one's living."

"The day when you stop building your own environment, when you stop building your own surroundings, when you stop waving a magic hand and gracing* everything around you with magic and beauty, things cease to be magical, things cease to be beautiful." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*gracing = to give beauty, elegance or charm to something)

How can you start building your own environment? How can you make your surroundings more beautiful? How can you remove that Limburger smell from your world?

Suggestions for Adding Magic to Your Life

1. Look around you. Notice your immediate surroundings as they are right now.

2. Write down some things you can do to make your environment a little more cheerful.

3. Write down some things you can do to make your environment a little more beautiful.

4. Write down some things you can do to make your environment a little more magical.

5. Do these things until your world is happier!

6. Read the complete article, "Is it Possible to Be Happy?" at www.genuineauditing.org

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TipsForSuccess: Your Power to Make People Happy

You Have the Power to Make People Happy

If you make people happy, you can take giant leaps toward your goals.

If you think about it, all your success depends on other people. People can give you opportunities, money, contracts, praise, support, help and advice. They can recommend you to other people who also give you what you need.

People can also stop your success. They can criticize you, oppose you and close down your progress. Even if they do not actively oppose you, they can avoid you, hide your options or simply do nothing for you.

"If a person thinks he can be happy without making those around him happy, he's crazy." -- L. Ron Hubbard

When you make others happy, you own an important people skill. They want to help you. Even better, making people happy makes you feel great!

However, mastering the skill to making people happy can be difficult.

Does Changing People Make Them Happy?

Everyone has an identity. It's what they want to be. You can call it their "beingness."

Trying to make people change their beingness is a common activity. For example, a 10-year-old girl's parents are worried that she loves motorcycles. They are afraid she'll grow up and join a motorcycle gang. So they make her wear dresses and play with dolls. They forbid her from being around motorcycles. A happy girl becomes unhappy.

As another example, Fred is a computer geek. He likes to wear goofy clothes and tell silly jokes. Fred goes to a college where the popular students criticize him. "Fred, your jokes are so dumb I want to gag." "Fred asked me out to dinner once and I laughed at him." "Check out Fred's striped pants! What an idiot!"

Married people often try to change each other's beingness as well. "Jill, I wish you were not so talkative. You're on the phone all day." "Jack, you lazy bum. I wish you were more energetic so you would take me out dancing!" Jack and Jill's marriage is not happy.

How do you feel when someone tries to change your beingness? Perhaps you feel resentful. You might even want to attack the person. You certainly do not feel happier.

Granting Beingness

"The ability to assume or grant (give, allow) beingness is probably the highest of human virtues*. It is even more important to be able to permit (allow) other people to have beingness than to be able oneself to assume it." -- L. Ron Hubbard (virtue: good or desirable quality)

As you know, you must "be" before "doing" or "having." For example, before "having" a good marriage, you must first "be" a good husband or wife. You can then "do" the things necessary to then "have" a great marriage.

Per the above quote, a skill more important than assuming your own beingness is permitting others to be whatever they want to be.

For example, you need to let Fred the computer geek be exactly what he wants to be. You grant him beingness. You say to yourself, "It's completely okay with me for Fred to wear odd clothing and make bad jokes." You then realize Fred is actually a good person. You laugh at his jokes. You admire his purple ties. You become friends. A few years later, you get an executive job at his new multi-million-dollar computer company.

Granting beingness to marriage partners can seem very difficult, but anyone can do it. "Jack, if you want to lie on the couch each night, that's okay with me." "Jill, let's get another phone line so you won't be interrupted with other calls." If you sincerely grant beingness to your spouse, you are both much happier.

For most parents, ensuring their children are happy is their first goal. Granting beingness is essential to this happiness. For example, on Monday, little Joey wants to be a fireman. His mom says, "You'll be a great fireman!" On Tuesday, Joey wants to be a basketball star. "I think you'll be a wonderful basketball star!" And so on.

Later in life, Joey's mother still grants him beingness. "So you want to quit college to work for a rock band? You'll be setting up the stage? Well, I think you'll be the best stage manager they've ever hired!" One week later, Joey decides he should finish his education and goes back to college.

What if Joey's mother had not granted him beingness. "Joey, that's the stupidest decision you've ever made! You must quit this job and go back to college." Of course, Joey can't admit he is wrong about his decision and so sets up stages for rock bands for the next 25 years.

Change the World

Imagine how the world would be if everyone granted beingness to everyone else. No more discrimination because of the color of your skin. Women would be treated as fairly in business as men. Everyone could join whatever religion they preferred.

Career choices would come from the heart. You and everyone around you could map out their own lives. You could be whomever you wanted to be.

Such a world is possible. It starts with granting beingness. It leads to massive happiness.

Recommendations

Grant beingness to everyone you meet today. Let them be whoever they want to be. Make no attempt to change their beingness.

Grant beingness to someone you already like. Notice what happens to your feelings and your relationship with this person.

If someone irritates you, grant him or her beingness. For example, if another driver on the road makes you mad, grant him beingness. If someone appears odd or ugly to you, grant this person beingness.

If you hate someone, grant him or her beingness. You can do this right now, without even seeing the person. It may not be easy, but the rewards can be interesting, if not amazing.

Watch how others respond to you when you grant them beingness. You may discover you now have the skill to make anyone happy.