You Have the Power to Make People Happy
If you make people happy, you can take giant leaps toward your goals.
If you think about it, all your success depends on other people. People can give you opportunities, money, contracts, praise, support, help and advice. They can recommend you to other people who also give you what you need.
People can also stop your success. They can criticize you, oppose you and close down your progress. Even if they do not actively oppose you, they can avoid you, hide your options or simply do nothing for you.
"If a person thinks he can be happy without making those around him happy, he's crazy." -- L. Ron Hubbard
When you make others happy, you own an important people skill. They want to help you. Even better, making people happy makes you feel great!
However, mastering the skill to making people happy can be difficult. Does Changing People Make Them Happy?
Everyone has an identity. It's what they want to be. You can call it their "beingness."
Trying to make people change their beingness is a common activity. For example, a 10-year-old girl's parents are worried that she loves motorcycles. They are afraid she'll grow up and join a motorcycle gang. So they make her wear dresses and play with dolls. They forbid her from being around motorcycles. A happy girl becomes unhappy.
As another example, Fred is a computer geek. He likes to wear goofy clothes and tell silly jokes. Fred goes to a college where the popular students criticize him. "Fred, your jokes are so dumb I want to gag." "Fred asked me out to dinner once and I laughed at him." "Check out Fred's striped pants! What an idiot!"
Married people often try to change each other's beingness as well. "Jill, I wish you were not so talkative. You're on the phone all day." "Jack, you lazy bum. I wish you were more energetic so you would take me out dancing!" Jack and Jill's marriage is not happy.
How do you feel when someone tries to change your beingness? Perhaps you feel resentful. You might even want to attack the person. You certainly do not feel happier.
"The ability to assume or grant (give, allow) beingness is probably the highest of human virtues*. It is even more important to be able to permit (allow) other people to have beingness than to be able oneself to assume it." -- L. Ron Hubbard (virtue: good or desirable quality)
As you know, you must "be" before "doing" or "having." For example, before "having" a good marriage, you must first "be" a good husband or wife. You can then "do" the things necessary to then "have" a great marriage.
Per the above quote, a skill more important than assuming your own beingness is permitting others to be whatever they want to be.
For example, you need to let Fred the computer geek be exactly what he wants to be. You grant him beingness. You say to yourself, "It's completely okay with me for Fred to wear odd clothing and make bad jokes." You then realize Fred is actually a good person. You laugh at his jokes. You admire his purple ties. You become friends. A few years later, you get an executive job at his new multi-million-dollar computer company.
Granting beingness to marriage partners can seem very difficult, but anyone can do it. "Jack, if you want to lie on the couch each night, that's okay with me." "Jill, let's get another phone line so you won't be interrupted with other calls." If you sincerely grant beingness to your spouse, you are both much happier.
For most parents, ensuring their children are happy is their first goal. Granting beingness is essential to this happiness. For example, on Monday, little Joey wants to be a fireman. His mom says, "You'll be a great fireman!" On Tuesday, Joey wants to be a basketball star. "I think you'll be a wonderful basketball star!" And so on.
Later in life, Joey's mother still grants him beingness. "So you want to quit college to work for a rock band? You'll be setting up the stage? Well, I think you'll be the best stage manager they've ever hired!" One week later, Joey decides he should finish his education and goes back to college.
What if Joey's mother had not granted him beingness. "Joey, that's the stupidest decision you've ever made! You must quit this job and go back to college." Of course, Joey can't admit he is wrong about his decision and so sets up stages for rock bands for the next 25 years.
Imagine how the world would be if everyone granted beingness to everyone else. No more discrimination because of the color of your skin. Women would be treated as fairly in business as men. Everyone could join whatever religion they preferred.
Career choices would come from the heart. You and everyone around you could map out their own lives. You could be whomever you wanted to be.
Such a world is possible. It starts with granting beingness. It leads to massive happiness.
Grant beingness to everyone you meet today. Let them be whoever they want to be. Make no attempt to change their beingness.
Grant beingness to someone you already like. Notice what happens to your feelings and your relationship with this person.
If someone irritates you, grant him or her beingness. For example, if another driver on the road makes you mad, grant him beingness. If someone appears odd or ugly to you, grant this person beingness.
If you hate someone, grant him or her beingness. You can do this right now, without even seeing the person. It may not be easy, but the rewards can be interesting, if not amazing.
Watch how others respond to you when you grant them beingness. You may discover you now have the skill to make anyone happy.
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