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TipsForSuccess: Grief: Moving on After a Loss


Grief: Moving on After a Loss

Few things are more painful than losses. A close friend dies, your spouse asks for a divorce or your company goes bankrupt and you feel horrible. Many people still feel the grief from losses in the past: a childhood pet that ran away, the death of a grandparent, a failed career, the loss of a home and so on.

Drugs, alcohol or just waiting for the loss to stop hurting are not solutions.

For example, Jim and Nancy fall in love at their first high school dance. They see each other every day and talk on the phone every night. Jim looks forward to their marriage and a life together.

The day after their high school graduation, Nancy says, "I'm sorry Jim, but I want to date other guys now. Please don't call me again."

Jim pleads, yells and sulks. He tries text messages, flowers and cards. He talks to Nancy's family and friends. Nothing changes Nancy's mind. He asks himself every hour, "How can I get her back? Why did she really leave me? What did I do wrong?"

Jim stops eating, stops smiling and refuses to talk to his friends. He loses interest in life and spends hours each day watching television.

His mother tells him not to worry. "Time heals all wounds."

But after a few months, Jim is not over his loss. He can't get Nancy out of his mind. Time heals nothing.

A friend says, "You need to wash away your troubles with some beer!" So Jim gives it a try. Jim feels better . . . for an hour. Then he sees a girl with hair like Nancy's and gets tears in his eyes. Another beer makes it worse. The next morning, Jim realizes beer is no solution.

Another friend says, "The best way to get over Nancy is to find a new girlfriend!" So Jim goes out on a date with Jill. Her perfume reminds him of Nancy, her laugh sounds like Nancy's. He wants to go home and just think about Nancy. The date is a disaster.

Jim sees an ad on depression. "Of course," Jim thinks, "I need professional help." So he goes to a psychiatrist who gives him a prescription. Even though the pills make him feel wooden, Nancy is still on his mind, 24 hours a day.

The psychiatrist tells Jim's dad that Jim needs to take the pills forever. Jim's dad gets angry and throws away the pills. He tells Jim, "Just get over it!" Jim goes to his room and cries.


L. Ron Hubbard discovered these two ways to resolve the emotional pain of a loss.

1. Release the Stuck Attention

After a loss, many people cannot get on with their lives. All they can think about is the loss. Their attention is fixed or glued to the loss.

You can help them feel much better and move on by doing the following:

"Tell the person you are going to help them. Tell him or her, 'Find something that isn't reminding you of ______ (name of person he or she lost).'

"Repeat the command, getting the person to find something else that is not reminding him or her of the person until he or she has a realization and feels better about the situation.

"This simple procedure can help the person recover from his or her lost love and begin to live again." -- L. Ron Hubbard

You decide to help Jim get over his break up with Nancy. You say, "Let me help you get over Nancy, okay? Here we go. Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

Jim looks around the room for a little while. "That mirror doesn't remind me of Nancy."

You say, "Okay" and repeat the instruction: "Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

"The drapes."

You say "Okay" and repeat the command: "Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

"The couch. Oh, Nancy sat there. I sure miss her. Okay, that box of crackers."

"All right. Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."

"That plant. . . ."

After answering this question 50 times, Jim's eyes become bright and he smiles. "Nancy who? To heck with that. I feel better! Let's get something to eat."

In some cases, this procedure might take a few hours to work, but if you persist, your friend will snap out of the loss.

The technique works equally well with the loss of a job, a business, money -- anything you or the person you are helping has lost.

By the way, the procedure above is one of hundreds of counseling processes discovered by L. Ron Hubbard. Dianetics is another type of counseling procedure that you can use to improve your life and to assist others.

2. Erase the Emotional Pain

Harmful memories are stored in the mind at a conscious and unconscious level. These memories ruin marriages, careers and your confidence. They cause unfounded fears, unreasonable anger and irrational behavior.

You carry this mental baggage wherever you go. They pop into your mind when you least want to think about them. Harmful memories cause you to act in ways that are not really YOU.

Dianetics eliminates the influence of these destructive memories. The Grolier Encyclopedia defines Dianetics as: "A form of counseling for curing emotional and psychosomatic illnesses and enhancing life" (psychosomatic illnesses: health problems stemming from the mind).

When you receive Dianetics counseling, you talk about your past in a certain way until the emotional pain vanishes. The depression, grief and anxiety caused by losses disappear forever.


When you reduce the emotional pain of memories, you enjoy these benefits:

* More energy
* Increased courage
* Interest in new activities
* More self-confidence
* Higher intelligence
* Better health
* Reduced need for drugs or alcohol
* Less fear of failure
* Greater success

To learn more about Dianetics, check out

Provided by as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 


Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

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