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The Blame Game
No one wins the blame game.
For example, you make a mistake and someone makes you to feel guilty. In your defense, you blame someone or something.
"I crashed the car because you played the radio too loud!"
"It's not my fault there's too much salt in the soup! Your recipe is wrong."
"If we had a newer computer, I wouldn't have deleted the computer files."
Blame is used to explain weakness, poor performance and work failures.
"My boss is such a jerk, I can't get my work done."
"I closed my painting shop and went bankrupt because the local economy went sour."
"I don't get paid enough to be nice to EVERY customer."
Blame is also used for personal problems.
"I'm depressed because of the tragedies on television."
"I can't be faithful to my wife because I have a chemical imbalance."
"I can't stop smoking because my father used to spank me."
Why No One Wins the Blame Game
When you blame someone or something else, you are also making yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself "at effect" instead of being "at cause" of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame.
"Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the same act loses control and becomes effect." -- L. Ron Hubbard
For example, your business is failing and you blame your assistant. This makes your assistant more powerful than you. You are saying, "My assistant determines if my business will succeed or fail."
If you take responsibility for your business, you would say, "I need to train my assistant so he doesn't make mistakes" or "I'd better fire my assistant so my business will succeed."
As another example, you blame your parents for your stress and anxiety. This makes your parents responsible for your feelings, good or bad. You are saying, "My parents are so powerful, they control my emotions. I have no control over my anxiety."
Stopping the blame game and accepting responsibility for yourself gives you hope. "I have let my parents bother me with their advice. I just need to improve my opinion about myself."
Blaming things is even worse. "The rainy weather makes me sad." "The government is ruining my life." "My genetics make me fat." In these cases, you are saying, "I am controlled by the weather/government/genetics and will obey these things for the rest of my life."
You only get ahead when you become "cause" over the situation. "I'll be happy despite the rain." "The government will not stop me from reaching my goals." "I'm only fat because I don't change my habits."
Seven Recommendations for Ending the Blame Game
1. Draw three lines down a sheet of paper to make four columns.
2. In the first column, list all of the problems or conditions you blame on others or things. Example: "I can't stop smoking because I'm addicted to nicotine."
3. In the next column, write how you are responsible for each problem or condition. Example: "I am the one who decided to become a smoker."
4. Write how you can take more responsibility for each Example: "I could be more determined to quit smoking."
5. Write an action step you can take for each problem or condition. Example: "Make a 100% decision to not smoke whatsoever."
6. Each time you make a mistake, avoid blaming anyone. Consider how you are responsible for the mistake and how you can prevent it from ever happening again.
Example: "That idiot Gene didn't mail the credit card payment on Monday and so we got a bad credit mark and owe late fees and extra interest. Actually, I was the idiot because I didn't personally ensure the check was mailed. So from now on, when a check absolutely must be mailed, I will mail it myself."
7. Break blame habits. For example, every time you start a sentence with these phrases, check if you are blaming someone or something:
"I can't because he/she/they/it . . ."
"I failed because he/she/they/it. . . "
"I have a problem because he/she/they/it . . . "
In each case, look at how you are responsible for the problem, failure or difficulty. Find ways to be more responsible and act accordingly.
Eight Benefits of Taking More Responsibility
* You have more personal power.
* Other people and things have less control over your destiny.
* Poor conditions start to improve.
* You make fewer mistakes.
* You are healthier and happier.
* No one can control you without your consent.
* You feel less trapped and more free.
* You become the most powerful force in your future success.
Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce you to the technology of L. Ron Hubbard. Copyright © 2004 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. You can improve your control over any issue, habit or problem with TipsForSuccess Coaching. Check out www.TipsForSuccessCoaching.org. You have permission to copy, print or post this article. Click here for details. To subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here. |
