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TipsForSuccess: How to Influence People


How to Influence Others

Everything you want in life requires the support or cooperation of other individuals. Your success depends on people. Objects do not make you successful.

For example, real estate will not make you wealthy. It's the people who rent or buy your real estate.

If you invented a better telephone, it would not make you wealthy. Your money would come from the people who wanted this telephone.

A business does not succeed because it has a beautiful office space, fancy brochures or a brilliant plan. It succeeds because people buy your product or service. It also succeeds because the staff members do their work.

Humans relations, not things, make or break your future success.

So why are people rude to you? Why do they break their agreements with you? What makes them avoid you?

How People Decide to Treat You

"There is an interesting phenomenon* at work in human relations. When one person yells at another, the other has an impulse to yell back. One ... actually sets an example of how he should be treated. A is mean to B so B is mean to A. A is friendly to B so B is friendly to A." -- L. Ron Hubbard
(* phenomenon = an observable fact.)

If you are blunt with people, they will be blunt with you. If you try to cheat people, they will try to cheat you. If you push them down, they will push you down.

If you list all the bad things people do to you, you will find you also do these bad things.

For example, you feel upset when Joe ignores you. So you think it over and realize you have been upsetting Sally by ignoring her. So you go chat with Sally and make her cheerful. Joe then talks to you . . . or you no longer care if Joe talks to you. Either way, you are no longer upset.

How this Principle Can Make You Successful

If you are honest with people, they are honest with you. If you encourage them, they encourage you. If you give them what they need, they will give you what you need.

"When one is lucky enough to get to meet and talk to the men and women who are at the top of their professions, one is struck by an observation often made that they are just about the nicest people you ever met. That is one of the reasons they are at the top: they try, most of them, to treat others well."

"Now what do you suppose would happen if one were to try to treat those around him with justness, loyalty, good sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, kindness, consideration, compassion, self-control, tolerance, forgivingness, benevolence, belief, respect, politeness, dignity, admiration, friendliness, love, and did it with integrity*?

"It might take a while but don't you suppose that many others would then begin to try to treat one the same way?"
-- L. Ron Hubbard
(* integrity = sticking to one's principles.)

What should you do if you want to be a big success? Simply work out how you want others to treat you.

For example, insurance salesman John wants people to return his calls. He makes 150 calls per day and mostly just leaves messages. Only one or two people return his calls. He can't make a living this way.

He asks himself, "How should I treat others? How would I want to be treated?"

He answers himself, "Well, I hate sales calls and never return them myself. Let's see, if a salesman had something I might want to buy, how should he contact me? I'd prefer a personal letter. I'd want him to take a little interest in me, to care about me and try to save me money. Hey! I'm going to give it a try!"

John sits down to write personal letters and has another realization. "Hey! I don't know anything about these people! I need to do some research."

He then starts a system to record details about everyone he can. Where they live, what they do, their hobbies, their pets' names and so on. Soon his letters are personalized.

"Dear Chris, I thought you'd like a copy of this article about row boats. Also, if you want me to check your car insurance, I might save you some money. Yours, John."

"Hi Pat! It was great seeing you at the soccer game yesterday. I thought you would like this brochure about our new flood insurance. I think we have the best prices. John. P.S. Let me know if you change your mind about helping us coach the team. "

Before he sends each letter, he asks himself: "Would I want to be treated this way?"

Soon, John is selling more insurance than ever before.

Five Steps for Improving Human Relations

You can improve the way people treat you in many ways. For example:

1. Make a list of everyone who influences you. Everyone you depend on. Everyone who can make you successful. Include your boss or employees, customers, coworkers and colleagues.

2. Write down how you want these people to treat you. For example, kind, interested, honest, cooperative, friendly, patient, fair, generous and so on.

3. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-5 for each of these characteristics.

4. Each day, work to improve one or more of these characteristics in yourself. Treat everyone, not just the people you depend on, in the ways you want to be treated. Raise your rating to a 5 for each characteristic.

5. Persist for a few months and watch the results!

Try these steps with your family or your romantic relationship, as well!

This principle about human relations comes from The Way to Happiness. You can buy a copy of the booklet, or download a free copy, from the Way to Happiness Foundation at

Provided by as a public service to introduce you to the technology of L. Ron Hubbard.

Copyright © 2005 All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

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