TipsForSuccess: May 2010

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Five)

People Who Want You to Fail (Part Five)

Some of the greatest barriers to your success are antisocial people. When you are not under their influence, you perform at your best. When you are not opposed, it's much easier to reach your goals.

As outlined in "Who Is Stopping You?" parts 1-4, a person with an antisocial personality speaks in generalities ("Everyone thinks you have problems"), likes to talk about bad news ("Did you hear about the murders?") and worsens the news ("Experts say we should expect even more terrorist attacks very soon!").

When around antisocial people, you feel frightened, upset, intimidated, sick or depressed. Once you identify these people, and remove their influence over your life, you feel new energy, optimism and joy.

Wrong Targets

"6. The antisocial personality habitually selects the wrong target." "If a tire is flat from driving over nails, he or she curses a companion or a noncausative source of the trouble. If the radio next door is too loud, he or she kicks the cat." "If A is the obvious cause, the antisocial personality inevitably blames B, or C or D." -- L. Ron Hubbard

War, murder and terrorism are, of course, wrong targets. Killing people resolves nothing. Yet an antisocial person actually claims more death is good or moral.

For example, Charles Manson persuaded his followers to commit several murders. He testified he was trying to improve the "establishment." Obviously, he selected the wrong targets to improve anything.

When psychiatrists select wrong targets, they look silly. "His chemical imbalance is the reason he keeps hitting his wife." "She can't learn to hold a job because she had a bad childhood." "Sex is the root of all mental problems."

Prejudice and biased views are also good examples of wrong targets. "I'm poor because of white Americans." "The gay neighbors are a threat to my marriage." "I can't get a job because of immigrants."

You see examples of wrong targets every day: The driver behind you blames you for making him late for work. The patient blames his doctor for his cancer. A man can't pay his bills and so blames his boss.

If you select incorrect targets, you do not succeed. "If I make my competitors look bad, I'll get rich." "All managers are liars." "The only way to get ahead is to cheat."

Antisocials pick the wrong targets, wrong problems and wrong solutions. Conditions around them get worse and worse.

Correct Targets

As a social personality, you select correct targets. If the tire is flat, you fix the hole in the tire. You don't kick your dog or yell at your friend. You fix the tire.

When social personalities are running countries, you have improved conditions because the leaders find and handle the correct targets. For example, Egypt and Israel were bitter war enemies until the U.S. President convinced the Prime Minister of Israel and the President of Egypt to communicate. These three leaders were social personalities who ignored the antisocial people around them. They successfully negotiated their differences during a 13-day meeting in 1978. To this day, Egypt and Israel remain at peace.

Social personalities succeed in business because they find the correct targets to their business problems. "We don't have any new customers because we stopped advertising." "We earned more money this month because our service was outstanding." "The more we train our employees, the faster we expand."

Social people help you because they find correct targets. "You are broke because you don't control your spending." "Your ex-girlfriend left you because you never found out what she really wanted." "Your kids will help you clean the house if you thank them each time they help."

When you select correct targets, you also open the door to your personal success. "Being kind to people makes them want to help me." "I'm fat because I eat lots of junk food and never exercise." "If I constantly learn new skills and work hard, I'll make more money."

When you hit the correct target, fix the correct problem or use the correct solution, conditions improve.

Exercise

Train yourself to find the correct targets so you have more success in life.

1. Think of a condition around you that is getting worse. Three examples:
A. Your job is not as fun as it used to be.
B. Your bills are growing and you have no cash to spend.
C. Your marriage is getting worse and you do not love your spouse.

2. Check if you just might be working on the wrong target, wrong problem or wrong solution.
A. Many of the employees think the boss is being a jerk.
B. You think the economy is so bad, making more money is highly unlikely.
C. After flirting with your ex, you decide to not tell your spouse.

3. See who is behind the wrong target or wrong idea you have. This is the anti-social at work.
A. Every day, your co-worker Joe blames the boss for something.
B. You realize you think the economy is so bad from watching the news.
C. You remember hearing a psychologist recommend people keep secrets from their spouses, ". . . so no one gets hurt."

4. Find the correct target, correct problem and correct solution.
A. You realize Joe is the only one who has a problem with the boss.
B. You find success stories of people who made it on their own and realize you can do the same.
C. You decide you like an honest marriage and tell your spouse about the flirting.

5. Continue using the correct target until the condition improves.
A. You ask your boss what you can do to get ahead and he gives you excellent advice each week.
B. You take control of your spending, increase your income and pay off your bills.
C. You and your spouse stop arguing and your marriage becomes better than before.

Read about all 12 characteristics of a social personality at www.scientologyhandbook.org/sh11_2.htm

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

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TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Four)

People Who Want You to Fail (Part Four)

The greatest barrier to your success is not the economy, your work habits or your lack of opportunities. Your greatest source of stress is not money or the weather or any physical thing.

The biggest source of business problems, career difficulties and personal stress is the antisocial personality. The type of person who is devious, mean-spirited, cruel, hostile or negative. This is the one who openly or secretly opposes you, cuts you down and causes you trouble.

After you change your relationship with an antisocial person, you feel relief. You sleep better, eat better and feel better.

When you remove the influence of antisocials in your life, you succeed more than you fail. You have more confidence. You have less opposition between you and your goals.

You might find it hard to believe that certain people really want to hold you down. It's a fact of life that is hard to face. But once you remove the influence of antisocial people in your life, you will feel relief, new energy and a new sense of happiness.

Characteristic #5

"Surrounding such a personality we find cowed* or ill associates or friends who, when not driven actually insane, are yet behaving in a crippled manner in life, failing, not succeeding." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*cowed: intimidated, frightened)

Like most people, you have good intentions and try to improve your life. But then you talk to an antisocial. He or she makes you feel like you are failing.

"You're so weak! Act like a grownup. Get a real job. Don't be such an idiot! Why do you torture me with your failings? Where did you learn that dumb idea? You don't know what you're doing."

If you believe statements like these, you feel afraid. You may get sick. Your production and income will not improve.

With willpower, you may fight your way out of the mental turbulence and start to succeed . . . for a while. But the antisocial will continue to look for ways to bring you down.

The stress of such situations is extreme. The stress can make you ill. As long as you are associated with the antisocial, you may never recover from an illness.

When you talk to an antisocial, you may feel all kinds of emotions: rage, grief, apathy and so on.

The opposite is true with a social person.

"The friends and associates of a social personality tend to be well, happy and of good morale." -- L. Ron Hubbard

The social person helps you increase your productivity. When you make a large amount of money, he or she is delighted and never jealous. You can trust the social personality.

Some social persons have powerful personalities. They help you solve problems. They lift your spirits. They can even make you feel healthy!

Have you ever felt wonderful after talking to someone? You are talking to a social personality. He or she wishes you success.

Recommendation

Pay attention to your moods this week. Notice how you feel after talking to each person in your life.

Do you feel happier? More energetic? Optimistic?

Or do you feel frightened or intimidated? A little bit sick? Upset or depressed?

If the same person continually brings you down or adds to your stress, you probably have an antisocial person right in front of you.

Reduce his or her influence in your life and you'll feel great!

---

To read L. Ron Hubbard's complete article, which covers all 12 characteristics of the antisocial personality, go to www.scientologyhandbook.org/sh11_1.htm

The first four characteristics of an antisocial person are covered in previous TipsForSuccess articles which you can read at www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm, www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial2.htm and www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial3.htm.

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Three)

People Who Want You to Fail (Part Three)

You feel good one day and bad the next. You are productive and efficient one week, but then waste time and get nothing done the next week. Your mood goes up and down, apparently with no explanation.

Why the rollercoaster? You are under the influence of an antisocial person.

Abraham Lincoln was known for his mood swings. Sometimes he was energetic, ambitious and cheerful. Other times, he was withdrawn, exhausted and unable to sleep. Winston Churchill was also on a rollercoaster: forceful, energized and brilliant one day, depressed and drinking the next. Imagine how much more these men would have accomplished, if they had been stable. They did not recognize how antisocial people were hurting them.

Businesses are also prone to ups and downs because of antisocial people. One week your productivity and income are doing well. The next week, you have major problems.

Marriages and families can go through the same ride. Happy and loving one month, unfriendly and argumentative the next month. If this happens to you, someone may be secretly messing up your life.

Luckily, you can handle the negative people in your life. You can take control of your progress. You can have a stable, steadily improving business, career, marriage, family and life.

The first step is to recognize who is causing you trouble and what they are up to.

In two previous articles, we outlined three characteristics of the antisocial personality. Here is #4.

Antisocial Characteristic #4

"4. A characteristic, and one of the sad things about an antisocial personality, is that it does not respond to treatment or reform . . . ." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, most people find a walk to be refreshing, even therapeutic. An antisocial person sees no benefit. "No one likes to take walks . . . all that polluted air is bad for your health. . . the crime rate is rising so you better carry a pistol."

Most people are happier when they move to a better neighborhood or learn a new skill, but not an antisocial. He or she does not change for the better. He or she sees nothing to be happy about.

No matter how hard you try to help antisocial people, you will fail. You think you can help them and you try as hard as you can. They may even give you the idea that you are succeeding! But in the end, the antisocial smashes your hopes.

For example, you work at a health club and believe you can help anyone get into shape. Most of your clients are delighted to lose weight and feel stronger. But a small percentage of your clients prove you are wrong and ruin your day.

You can waste years trying to make an antisocial into a kind, considerate person. For example, antisocials will beat their wives or kids until someone threatens them. They pretend they have changed and then start the beatings again.

The antisocial is the constant complainer; the critic who is never happy; the whiner who threatens to leave you. He or she acts kind and thoughtful . . . while stabbing you in the back.

If you open your eyes and face the truth, you eventually realize you cannot help the person, no matter how hard you try.

The opposite characteristic is true of the social personality.

"It is often enough to point out unwanted conduct to a social personality to completely alter it for the better." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you supervise a social employee, correction is simple. You just point out the problems. "Sally, please don't use your computer for personal shopping." Sally says, "Okay" and stops shopping with her computer from then on.

Bosses love employees with social personalities. They can help these employees succeed and thus make the company succeed. "How would you like to become a welder? We have too many welding jobs around here, so if you stay late, I'll teach you how. Later, I'll give you a raise because we'll sell more welding jobs. Sound good?"

At least 80% of all employees, bosses and coworkers, are social personalities and fun to work with. They are considerate and supportive. They change and improve themselves.

If you are married to a social personality, you can work out your marriage problems with communication. "Could you put your smelly socks in the hamper each night?" "Sure."

By the Way, Are You Antisocial?

"Self-criticism is a luxury the antisocial cannot afford." "Only the sane, well-balanced person tries to correct his conduct." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you criticize yourself and try to improve your behavior, you are not antisocial. You have the desire to get along with people, to even help them, but not to hurt them.

For example, a father finds a broken vase and asks his 7-year-old son, "Who broke the vase? Did you break it?" His son says, "No, I didn't!" The father gets angry and spanks him for breaking a vase and lying about it.

But then his wife comes in with a broom and says, "I need to clean up the vase I broke."

A father with a social personality then hugs his son and says, "Son, I'm sorry for not believing you. I'm going to trust you more, okay? Let's go get some pizza!"

A father with an antisocial personality says, "The kid deserves the spanking for something else he probably did. You need to show these kids who the boss is."

Of course, anyone can temporarily be antisocial, if he or she is pushed hard enough. For example, antisocial parents teach their children to be antisocial. The key is whether or not the person will change to a social personality, once he or she realizes the truth.

If you want to improve your conduct, you will change your conduct. You have a social personality!

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

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TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Two)

People Who Want You to Fail (Part Two)

A Los Angeles Police Department study determined only 2% of the population was dangerous and harmful to society. Years earlier, L. Ron Hubbard had determined it was 2.5%, but he also observed another 17.5% of the population acts like antisocial personalities, because they are under the control of antisocials.

In other words, 20% of the people you know cause you most the most trouble. One out of five people are not helping you succeed. In fact, they hope you will fail.

Once you discover which people in your life are antisocial, they then have less influence over you. You know whose advice to ignore. You know where your stress is coming from.

You also know who your friends are. You know who you can trust. Luckily, most people are on your side and hope you will succeed!

Part One covered the first characteristic of the antisocial personality: they speak in generalities. For example, "Everyone thinks you are too inexperienced," "No one likes what you said" or "America is terrified." Go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm to read "Who is Stopping You? (Part One).

The second and third characteristics are covered below.

Antisocial Characteristic #2

"2. Such a person deals mainly in bad news, critical or hostile remarks . . ."

" . . . there is no good news or complimentary remark passed on by such a person." -- L. Ron Hubbard

The social person is the opposite.

"The social personality is eager to relay good news and reluctant to relay bad.

"He may not even bother to pass along criticism when it doesn't matter."

"He is more interested in making another feel liked or wanted than disliked by others and tends to err toward reassurance rather than toward criticism." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples:

Antisocial: "Did you hear about the guy who blew his brains out last week?"

Social: "Did you hear about the guy who won the lottery last week?"

Antisocial: "You like that chicken? My mother's chicken tastes much better."

Social: "Great chicken. Thanks!"

Antisocial: "Everyone in the office thinks you work too hard which is why you look so tired."

Social: "Paul wishes he could work as hard as you. I think you set an excellent example for all of us."

Antisocial Characteristic #3

"3. The antisocial personality alters, to worsen, communication when he or she relays a message or news. Good news is stopped and only bad news, often embellished*, is passed along.

"Such a person also pretends to pass on ‘bad news' which is in actual fact invented." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*embellish: add fictitious details)

Simply passing on bad news is not enough for antisocials. They prefer to make it seem even worse.

Examples:

Neighborhood gossiper: "Marge's husband left her and now she seems to have a different man's car in front of her house every night!"

Politician: "Unlike my political opponent, I will never support child pornography!"

News reporter: "New questions are surfacing about the death of John Smith. Was it really natural causes? Some say it might be murder!"

The social person has a different approach.

"A social personality passes communication without much alteration and if deleting anything, tends to delete injurious matters.

"He does not like to hurt people's feelings." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples of social personality statements:

"Marge is finally getting out and meeting some men. I couldn't be happier for her."

"If I am elected, I will work hard to give our children a better education."

"In his will, John Smith left $1 million for cancer research. Everyone he knew liked him."

Four Recommendations

1. Listen to television or radio news or talk shows and decide who is antisocial. Do they talk about good news or bad news? Do they focus on the positive side or negative side of things? Do they make you feel stress or satisfaction?

Stop giving these antisocial personalities your time.

2. Notice those around you who pass on bad news and criticisms. Observe who makes bad news seem worse.

Tell them you do not want to hear their negative comments. If they do not stop, reduce your contact with them.

3. Notice who likes to pass on good news and compliments. They probably avoid negative topics and like to talk about positive subjects.

Give your time and trust to these people. Let them know you appreciate them and want to support them.

4. Work on becoming more social yourself. Do not pass on rumors or criticisms. Never make bad news seem worse than it really is. Whenever possible, pass on good news and compliments.

If you live your life as a social person as much as possible, you and the people around you have a much better chance of succeeding.

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part One)

People Who Want You to Fail (Part One)

The biggest barrier to a successful career is not a lack of opportunities, the job market or your city. It's certain people.

Specifically, antisocial people—people who are devious, mean-spirited, cruel, hostile or negative. People who oppose you, treat you with disrespect and cause you trouble.

"When we trace the cause of a failing business, we will inevitably discover somewhere in its ranks the antisocial personality hard at work."

"It is important then to examine and list the attributes of the antisocial personality. Influencing as it does the daily lives of so many, it well behooves* decent people to become better informed on this subject." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*behooves: to be necessary or proper for)

One of the most famous antisocial personalities was Adolf Hitler. Hitler loved children and pets. He was a vegetarian who neither smoked nor drank. He was kind and considerate to the ladies, secretaries and chauffeurs. People thought Hitler was a nice guy, yet he ordered the deaths of millions.

Most antisocial personalities are not famous. In fact, they are rarely obvious.

Antisocial personalities can be anyone: doctors, lawyers, politicians, business leaders, police officers, newspaper reporters, employees, men, women, old, young . . . anyone. They can be family members, spouses and colleagues. You probably know a few antisocial people.

When antisocial people are openly nasty or critical of you, you know who they are. They say, "You are a stupid idiot" or "That idea of yours is the worst idea I've ever heard." They stab you in your chest, not your back.

However, the worst types of antisocial persons are those who hide their true intentions. They stab you in the back so you can't catch them. They say, "Everyone thinks your ideas are silly" or "I heard a rumor the police might be investigating you" or "You look so tired; why don't you take a vacation?"

Antisocials make you ill. For example, you are enjoying your day and getting a lot done. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, you feel a little upset. Your stomach and head hurt.

So you review who just talked to you. Mary gave you a report and made a nice comment about the weather. Fred asked to borrow your pen and was very polite. The computer guy needed to look at your computer and told you how everyone hates your new software.

You think, "What was the computer guy talking about? Why did he waste so much of my time? And why are the computers always having problems? I'd better watch out for this guy."

Suddenly, you feel better. You have spotted an antisocial person. Your day is pleasant again.

L. Ron Hubbard identified certain characteristics of the antisocial person. The first way to spot them is to notice how they speak.

Generalities

"The antisocial personality has the following attributes:

"1. He or she speaks only in very broad generalities. They say . . .' ‘Everybody thinks . . .' ‘Everyone knows . . .' and such expressions are in continual use, particularly when imparting rumor." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Have you ever been to a meeting when someone said, "We're all having troubles because of the government," "People don't like anyone who's too successful" or "Everyone in this area is having a rough time"? These are generalities.

Whenever you hear a statement that starts, "Everyone says . . . " or "All the citizens feel . . . " or "The employees think . . . ," you must perk up your ears. You have just heard the beginning of a generality.

Now if the generality is a good message, you can relax. "Everyone thinks you are doing a great job!" "No one was late today." "All the carpenters appreciate the wood you bought."

However, if the message is negative, the speaker is pointing a knife at you. "No one believes your little act." "Everyone thinks the pay is too low." "No one wears their hair like that any more."

One reason the news media is such a bad influence on society is because of their generalities. Just listen to the news or read a newspaper and you see generalities. "America was shocked and saddened . . ." "Sources revealed that . . ." "Critics wonder why . . ."

How to Respond

"When asked, ‘Who is everybody . . .' it normally turns out to be one source and from this source the antisocial person has manufactured what he or she pretends is the whole opinion of the whole society." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Example:

You: "Nancy, you say everyone thinks I make too much money. Who exactly?"

Nancy: "Oh, uh, well, you know, everyone I talk to. It's common knowledge."

You: "Can you tell me who exactly?"

Nancy: "I don't know, I can't remember. I'll ask around."

You: "Okay, but if no one really said it, you need to stop saying things like that to me."

Social Personality

While the antisocials are tearing down the world, the social personalities are improving it. Constructive people make life better for those around them. Fortunately, most people are social personalities.

Social personalities are opposite of the antisocial personality. For example, they are specific.

"The social personality is specific in relating circumstances. ‘Joe Jones said . . . ‘ 'The Star Newspaper reported . . . ‘ and gives sources of data where important or possible.

"He may use the generality of ‘they' or ‘people' but seldom in connection with attributing statements or opinions of an alarming nature." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples: "Patty and Joan want raises." "Everyone's happy you're back from vacation." "Steve loved your speech."

Even if the social personality is passing bad news, it is not upsetting. For example, "Kelly and Roger closed their business so they could help their son produce documentaries." An anti-social would say, "Everyone's business is going down the tubes, just like Kelly and Roger's."

Recommendation

Every time you hear a generality regarding bad news this week, reject the information. Assume the person is either careless or antisocial. Instead, ask "Who is everybody?" or "Who exactly?"

Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Five)

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Four)

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Three)

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part Two)

TipsForSuccess: People Who Want You to Fail (Part One)

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