How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)
"The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Affinity: how well you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
Understanding: The result of combining affinity, reality and communication Part 6: How ARC Can Save or Improve Your Marriage
As with all of your relationships, your marriage succeeds or fails based on ARC. The more you communicate, the more you agree on things, and the greater your affinity, the better your marriage. If you do not communicate, do not agree and do not like each other, the marriage is doomed.
"Marriages fall apart simply because of a failure of communication, because of a failure of reality and affinity." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Young lovers believe, "Our love is so strong, it will make our marriage last forever." Of course, if affinity is all they have, sooner or later, the lack of agreement or poor communication ruins the relationship.
Julie and Mario
Julie and Mario meet at a coffee shop one night and fall madly in love. When apart, they think of nothing but each other. When together, they can't keep their hands off each other. Neither have experienced so much affinity, so they get married.
But their reality point suffers. Julie doesn't agree with Mario's decision to start a plumbing shop. She would rather he became an accountant. Mario doesn't agree with Julie's urge to socialize. He'd rather she stayed at home.
To compensate, they decide to not communicate, "Let's not talk about those things right now. All that matters is that we will love each other forever." Of course, by not communicating about their disagreements, their love (affinity) starts to drop.
Julie and Mario stop holding hands as often. Sometimes they completely ignore each other at home. They argue about little things, like where to eat dinner, who should clean the house and which type of cat food is best.
The little things become bigger things: choices of friends, money, sex and so on. The arguments become fights. Mario storms out and stays away for nights at a time. Julie finally moves back with her parents. The marriage dies.
Bill and Diana
Bill and Diana know how to use the ARC Triangle. When they first meet at work, they feel the same incredible feeling of affinity toward each other. Love songs, sunsets and hugs become amazing experiences for both of them.
As they begin to plan their life together, Bill and Diana take the time to bring their communication and reality up to the same level as their affinity point. They say things like:
"Instead of going to a movie tonight, why don't we talk about our goals."
"If we were to stay together, we'd have to agree on how we would spend our time together. I like to spend time with my old friends. What do you think?"
"I need to tell you something I did wrong and really regret, but we agreed to not have secrets. Can I tell you now?"
While they might experience some glitches in their relationship, the strength of their affinity AND reality AND communication is stronger than the problems they encounter. Bill and Diana get married and stay married for decades.
Recommendations
You can improve any relationship by improving your ARC.
1. Write down how you can improve your communication with ________.
2. Write down how you can reach more agreements with ________.
3. Write down how you can increase your affinity for ________.
4. Start with the easiest task and do it today.
5. Do the rest of the tasks and continue these steps until your ARC is higher and your relationship is better than ever. If you persist, you will enjoy a major improvement.
To read all eight parts, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/arc.htm.
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