TipsForSuccess: February 2007

TipsForSuccess: Who is Stopping You? (Part 3)

Who Is Stopping You? (Part Five)

Some of the greatest barriers to your success are antisocial people. When you are not under their influence, you perform at your best. When you are not opposed, it's much easier to reach your goals.

As outlined in "Who Is Stopping You?" parts 1-4, a person with an antisocial personality speaks in generalities ("Everyone thinks you have problems"), likes to talk about bad news ("Did you hear about the murders?") and worsens the news ("Experts say we should expect even more mass murders very soon!").

When you are around antisocial people, you feel frightened, upset, intimidated, sick or depressed. Once you identify these people, and remove their influence over your life, you feel energetic, optimistic, happy and strong.

This last part of this series outlines another way to identify an antisocial personality.

Wrong Targets

"6. The antisocial personality habitually selects the wrong target." "If a tire is flat from driving over nails, he or she curses a companion or a noncausative source of the trouble. If the radio next door is too loud, he or she kicks the cat." "If A is the obvious cause, the antisocial personality inevitably blames B, or C or D." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Terrorism, war and murder are, of course, wrong targets. Killing people solves nothing. Yet an antisocial person actually claims more death is good or moral.

For example, Charles Manson persuaded his followers to commit several murders. He testified he was trying to improve the "establishment." Obviously, he selected the wrong solution.

When psychiatrists select wrong targets, they look silly. "His chemical imbalance is the reason he keeps hitting his wife." "She can't learn to hold a job because she had a bad childhood." "Sex is the root of all mental problems."

You see examples of wrong targets every day: The driver behind you blames you for making him late for work. The patient blames his doctor for his cancer. A man can't pay his bills and so blames his boss.

Prejudice and biased views are also good examples of wrong targets. "I'm poor because of rich Americans." "Homosexuals are a threat to my marriage." "She can't work because she's old."

Correct Targets

As a social personality, you select correct targets. If the tire is flat, you fix the hole in the tire. You don't kick your dog or yell at your friend. You fix the tire.

When social personalities are running countries, you have improved conditions because the leaders find and handle the correct targets. For example, Egypt and Israel were bitter war enemies until the U.S. President convinced the Prime Minister of Israel and the President of Egypt to communicate. These three leaders were social personalities who ignored the antisocial people around them. They successfully negotiated their differences during a 13-day meeting in 1978. To this day, Egypt and Israel remain at peace.

Social personalities succeed in business because they find the correct targets to their business problems. "We don't have any new customers because we stopped advertising." "We earned more money this month because our service was outstanding." "The more we train our employees, the faster we expand."

Social people help you because they find correct targets. "You are broke because you don't control your spending." "Your ex-girlfriend left you because you never found out what she really wanted." "Your kids will help you clean the house if you praise them each time they help."

When you select the correct targets, you also open the door to your personal success. "Being kind to people makes them want to help me." "I'm fat because I eat lots of junk food and never exercise." "If I constantly learn new skills and work hard, I'll make more money."

Antisocials pick the wrong targets, wrong problems and wrong solutions. Conditions around them get worse and worse.

When you hit the correct target, fix the correct problem or use the correct solution, conditions improve.

Recommendation

1. Take a condition around you that is getting worse.
Example 1: Your job is not as fun as it used to be.
Example 2: You bills are growing and you have no cash to spend.

2. Look for a wrong target.
Example 1: Many of the employees think the boss is being a jerk.
Example 2: You think the system is set up to make the rich richer and poor poorer.

3. See who is behind the wrong target.
Example 1: Every day, Joe finds a new reason to blame the boss for something.
Example 2: You got the idea the "little guy can't get ahead" from watching the news.

4. Do what you can to find the correct target.
Example 1: Every day, you mention to someone how Joe is the only one who has a problem with the boss.
Example 2: You find success stories of people who made it on their own and realize you can do the same.

5. Continue the above steps until the condition improves.
Example 1: You get the boss to come to lunch with the group and have fun.
Example 2: You take control of your spending, increase your income and pay off your bills.

You can read the 12 characteristics of a social personality at www.scientologyhandbook.org/sh11_2.htm.

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TipsForSuccess: Who is Stopping You? (Part 2)

Who is Stopping You? (Part Three)

You feel good one day and bad the next. You are productive and efficient one week, but then waste time and get nothing done the next week. Your mood goes up and down, apparently with no explanation. You are under the influence of an antisocial person.

Abraham Lincoln was known for his mood swings. Sometimes he was energetic, ambitious and cheerful. Other times, he was withdrawn, exhausted and unable to sleep. Winston Churchill was also on a roller coaster: forceful, energized and brilliant one day, depressed and drinking the next. Imagine how much more these men would have accomplished if they had been more stable. They did not recognize how antisocial people were hurting them.

Businesses are also prone to ups and downs because of antisocial people. One week your productivity and income are doing very well. The next, you have major problems.

Marriages and families can go through the same ride. Happy and loving one month, unfriendly and argumentative the next month. If this happens to you, someone may be secretly messing up your family and marriage.

Luckily, you can handle the negative people in your life. You can take control of your progress. You can have a stable, steadily improving business, career, marriage, family and life.

The first step is to recognize who is causing you trouble and what they are up to.

In two previous articles, we outlined three characteristics of the antisocial personality. (Part One: www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm, Part Two: www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial2.htm.)

Antisocial Characteristic #4

"4. A characteristic, and one of the sad things about an antisocial personality, is that it does not respond to treatment or reform . . . ." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, while most people find a walk to be refreshing, even therapeutic, an antisocial person sees no benefit. "No one likes to take walks . . . all that polluted air is bad for your health. . . the crime rate is rising so you better carry some pepper spray."

Most people are happier when they move to a better neighborhood or learn a new skill, but not an antisocial. He or she does not change for the better. He or she sees nothing to be happier about.

No matter how hard you try to help antisocial people, you will fail. You think you can help them and you try as hard as you can. They may even give you the idea that you are succeeding! But in the end, the antisocial smashes your hopes.

For example, you work at a health club and believe you can help anyone get into shape. Most of your clients are delighted to lose weight and feel stronger. But a small percentage of your clients prove you are wrong and ruin your day.

You can waste years trying to make an antisocial into a kind, considerate person. For example, antisocials will beat their wives or kids until someone threatens them. They pretend they have changed and then start the beatings again.

The antisocial is the constant complainer; the critic who is never happy; the whiner who threatens to leave you. He or she acts kind and thoughtful . . . while stabbing you in the back.

If you open your eyes and face the truth, you eventually realize you cannot help the person, no matter how hard you try.

The opposite characteristic is true of the social personality.

"It is often enough to point out unwanted conduct to a social personality to completely alter it for the better." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you supervise a social employee, correction is simple. You just point out the problems. "Sally, please don't use your computer for personal shopping." Sally says, "Okay" and stops shopping with her computer from then on.

Bosses love employees with social personalities. They can help these employees succeed and thus make the company succeed. "We have too many welding jobs around here, so if you stay late, I'll teach you how to be a welder. Later, I'll give you a raise because we'll sell more welding jobs. Sound good?"

At least 80% of all employees, bosses and coworkers, are social personalities and fun to work with. They are considerate and supportive. They change and improve themselves.

If you are married to a social personality, you can work out your marriage problems with communication. "Could you put your smelly socks in the hamper each night?" "Sure."

Are You Antisocial?

"Self-criticism is a luxury the antisocial cannot afford." "Only the sane, well-balanced person tries to correct his conduct." -- L. Ron Hubbard

If you criticize yourself and try to improve your behavior, you are not antisocial. You have the desire to get along with people, to even help them, but not to hurt them.

For example, a father finds a broken vase and asks his 7-year-old son, "Who broke the vase? Did you break it?" His son says, "No, I didn't!" The father gets angry and spanks him for breaking a vase and lying about it.

But then his wife comes in with a broom and says, "I need to clean up the vase I broke."

A father with a social personality then hugs his son and says, "Son, I'm sorry for not believing you. I'll try to be a better father and be more trusting, okay? Let's go get some pizza!"

A father with an antisocial personality says, "The kid deserves the spanking for something else he probably did. You need to show these kids who the boss is."

Of course, anyone can temporarily be antisocial, if he or she is pushed hard enough (by an antisocial). For example, antisocial parents teach their children to be antisocial. The key is whether or not the person will change to a social personality, once he or she realizes the truth.

If you want to improve your conduct, you will change your conduct. You have a social personality!

Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.TipsForSuccessCoaching.org.

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Who is Stopping You? (Part Two)

A Los Angeles Police Department study determined only 2% of the population was dangerous and harmful to society. Years earlier, L. Ron Hubbard had found almost the same number (2.5%), but he also observed another 17.5% of the population acts like antisocial personalities because they are under the control of antisocials.

So you could say 20% of the people who you know cause 80% of your troubles. One out of five people are not helping you succeed. These are the people who hope you will fail.

Once you discover which people in your life are antisocial, they have less influence over you. You know who to ignore. You know where your stress is coming from.

You also know who your friends are. You know who you can trust. Luckily, most people are on your side and hope you will succeed!

Part One covered the first characteristic of the antisocial personality: they speak in generalities. For example, "Everyone thinks you are too inexperienced," "No one likes what you said" or "America is terrified."

Go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm to read "Who is Stopping You? (Part One)."

The second and third characteristics are covered below.

Antisocial Characteristic #2

"2. Such a person deals mainly in bad news, critical or hostile remarks . . ."

"It is notable that there is no good news or complimentary remark passed on by such a person." -- L. Ron Hubbard

The social person is the opposite.

"The social personality is eager to relay good news and reluctant to relay bad.

"He may not even bother to pass along criticism when it doesn't matter."

"He is more interested in making another feel liked or wanted than disliked by others and tends to err toward reassurance rather than toward criticism." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples:

Antisocial: "Did you hear about the guy who blew his brains out last week?"

Social: "Did you hear about the guy who won the lottery last week?"

Antisocial: "So that was your favorite chicken dish? My mother's chicken tastes much better."

Social: "Great chicken. Thanks!"

Antisocial: "Everyone in the office thinks you work too hard which is why you look so tired."

Social: "Paul wishes he could work as hard as you. I think you set an excellent example for all of us."

Antisocial Characteristic #3

"3. The antisocial personality alters, to worsen, communication when he or she relays a message or news. Good news is stopped and only bad news, often embellished*, is passed along.

"Such a person also pretends to pass on 'bad news' which is in actual fact invented." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*embellish: add fictitious details)

Simply passing on bad news is not enough for antisocials. They prefer to make it seem even worse.

Examples:

Neighborhood gossiper: "Marge's husband left her and now she seems to have a different man's car in front of her house every night!"

Politician: "Unlike my political opponent, I do not support gay marriage. And I will never support child pornography!"

News reporter: "New questions are surfacing about the death of John Smith. Was it really natural causes . . . or murder?"

The social person has a different approach.

"A social personality passes communication without much alteration and if deleting anything, tends to delete injurious matters.

"He does not like to hurt people's feelings." -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples of social personality statements: "Marge is finally getting out and meeting some men. I couldn't be happier for her." "If I am elected, I will work hard to give our children a better education." "In his will, John Smith left $1 million for cancer research. He was a wonderful man."

Five Recommendations

1. Notice who around you likes to pass on bad news and criticisms. Observe who might be making bad news seem even worse.

2. Let these people know you do not want to hear their negative comments. If they do not stop, reduce your contact with them.

3. Notice who likes to pass on good news and compliments. They probably avoid negative topics and like to talk about positive subjects.

4. Let these people know you appreciate them and want to support them.

5. Work on becoming more social yourself. Do not pass on rumors or criticisms. Never make bad news seem worse than it really is. Whenever possible, pass on good news and compliments.

If you live your life as a social person as much as possible, you and the people around you have a much better chance of succeeding.

Learn more at www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH11_1.HTM

Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.TipsForSuccessCoaching.org.

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org, click here.

TipsForSuccess: Who is Stopping You? (Part 5)

TipsForSuccess: Who is Stopping You? (Part 3)

TipsForSuccess: Who is Stopping You? (Part 2)

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