TipsForSuccess: Part 3: How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication) "Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication." -- L. Ron Hubbard Affinity: how well you like or love a person Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real Communication: your exchange of information and ideas To read Part 1, click here. To read Part 2, click here. To read Part 3, click here. Part 4: ARC in Sales and Negotiations   Even if you are not a professional sales person or negotiator, you do sell and negotiate every day. For example, you might sell an idea to your boss, negotiate dinner plans with your spouse, sell your value as a worker to get a raise, convince someone to work for you, negotiate with your son to clean up his room and so on.   Unfortunately, many salespeople and negotiators are taught to treat prospects like the enemy. "Strip off their objections! Make them afraid to buy from anyone else! Push them into a corner! Take away their choices! Nail them to the wall! Push them hard until they agree!" With the ARC Triangle, you put the relationship first and the sale second. You communicate with the person, have affinity for the person and then reach an agreement with the person. ARC is so powerful, it even makes bad salespeople into kind, helpful salespeople. For example, if you try to sell something without first establishing good ARC, the prospect is not going to tell you how he or she feels. "So are you ready to buy?" "No, I want to think about it." "What's there to think about?" "None of your business." If you are in good ARC, you get a different response. "So are you ready to buy?" "Well, I'm concerned about the price. Can you tell me again how your payment plan works?" Salespeople with high ARC even get sales because of their excellent ARC! "She was just such a nice person, I couldn't say no." Because your friendship is genuine, you do your best to reach an ethical, helpful agreement or sale. People then tell you, "I'm so glad we worked out a deal where we both win!" "If you hadn't helped me, I would have bought the wrong insurance policy." "You really helped us solve so many problems with our finances. Now we can move into this wonderful home. Thank you!" How to Establish ARC with New Contacts     This powerful quote can make anyone into a good salesperson or negotiator. "The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard, from The Problems of Work For example, if you are a smart car salesperson, you silently find something to like about the prospect as you approach. "I like how clean he keeps his car." Because you have created a little affinity for the prospect, he or she will find it easier to have affinity for you. Then, you find something on which to agree. "Quite a nice day we're having, would you say?" "Do you like the look of that new model?" "I noticed that you keep your car in good condition." When you attend business or social functions, you can make several new contacts with ARC. Simply walk up to someone, find something you like about him or her, then discover a point of agreement. "What do you like best about these gatherings?" "What is your opinion about _____(the meeting topic)_____?" "What business are you in?" As a negotiator or deal maker, you have greater success when you first establish ARC with all parties. For example, when you first sit at the negotiation table, you look at each person and find something you like about each. "I like his suit, I like her hair, I like how bright he looks and I like how organized she is." You then discuss something on which everyone can agree. "Does everyone agree that our goal today should be to find a deal that meets all our needs?" "Is it okay with everyone if I control the discussion?" "Can everyone work on this for two full hours without interruption?" Magically, because you use ARC, you get more done in less time with greater results! Recommendations     1. Write down a deal you would like to negotiate or an item you would like to sell this week. 2. Write down how you will establish ARC with the people involved. 3. Go do it!     Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org   For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm    Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

 

TipsForSuccess: Part 3: How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)    "The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations." -- L. Ron Hubbard   Affinity: how well you like or love a person Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real Communication: your exchange of information and ideas Understanding: The result of combining affinity, reality and communication   To read Part 1, click here. To read Part 2, click here.   Part 3: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships   Wouldn't it be great if you could become fast friends with nearly everyone you meet? If you could make people like you right away? If you could even earn their support?   For example, you could get strangers to agree with you within a few minutes. You could get the leaders in your field to listen to you. You could earn respect from your coworkers, staff, colleagues, friends and family.   You can do all of these things with ARC. You start by using communication.   "The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard (from The Problems of Work)   For example, you want to form a business relationship with a business owner. You invite him to lunch. Now, what do you say?   1. Find something you like about the owner. You look him over and decide he has a nice smile and good looking shoes. You have some affinity for him. This step is done.   2. Discuss something with which he can agree. He mentions that he hates the hot weather outside. You say, "I can't stand the heat either, but my wife loves it." He says, "My wife likes it too. Something is wrong with them." You both laugh.   You ask questions to find something with which to agree. "How is your business going? Can you tell me what you like most about this type of business?" "What do you do for fun? Do you have any children?"   Maybe you learn he loves his challenges at work, has trouble with a government regulation and worries about his father's health. You also have trouble with the same government regulation and so you discuss it. Your ARC with the business owner goes up.   Three More Examples   As another example, you are waiting for your flight to Chicago at an airport. You decide to establish ARC with the business woman sitting next to you. First you find something you like about her, perhaps her red briefcase.   So you say, "Nice briefcase!" She smiles and nods. A small amount of affinity is established. You then find something with which she can agree. "Are you from Chicago?" She starts to communicate. You find points of agreement. You have ARC and perhaps a new business relationship.   If you are single and want to meet someone new, these two steps are great for breaking the ice with the opposite sex, even if you feel shy. For example, you notice someone you want to meet in a bookstore. He or she is looking at magazines. You do the first step and find something you like, such as this person's hair, shoes and voice.   You suddenly feel less shy. You then find something with which you can agree. "I need a good magazines. Which ones do you like best?" "I see you like gardening magazines. Me too. Have you seen this one?"   You can use this formula to form relationships with people who are different than you. Say you get on that airplane for a long flight to Chicago and are assigned to sit next to a body-pierced, tattooed, pimply-faced teenager with hamburger onion breath.   You follow the formula and find something to like about him: he has a beautiful sunset picture on his t-shirt. You feel a little better about the fellow. You then find something with which he can agree. "Where did you get that great shirt?" "What do you like to do after school?" "That is quite a tattoo you have." Before long, you have enough ARC with this teenager to enjoy sitting next to him for the flight.   Recommendations   1. List all the people or types of people with whom you want to form a relationship.   2. Work out a way to use the two steps with each of them:   "The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard   Give it a try!       Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org   For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm    Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

 

TipsForSuccess: Part 2: How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

 

How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)    "Without affinity, there is no reality or communication. Without reality, there is no affinity or communication. Without communication, there is neither affinity nor reality. Now, these are sweeping statements, but are nevertheless very valuable and are true." -- L. Ron Hubbard   Affinity: how well you like or love a person Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real Communication: your exchange of information and ideas Understanding: The result of combining affinity, reality and communication   By using ARC, you can significantly improve your relationships at work and at home, find new friends, make more sales, negotiate better deals, lead your group more effectively and help more people. You will be selected as the best person for a date, for promotions at work, big contracts for your business or whatever you want most from life. Using this tool gives you more self-confidence, greater peace of mind and an improved view of yourself.   Part 1 in this series explains how the ARC Triangle works and how you can increase the amount of ARC you have with someone. You can read Part 1 by going to www.tipsforsuccess.org/ARC1.htm. Part 2 explains how you can repair upsets you have with others.    Part 2: Breaks in the ARC Triangle   Whenever you feel upset with someone, you have a broken triangle or an "ARC break." Every argument, fight or break up includes an ARC break. Everyone who once liked you and now seeks revenge against you, tries to get even with you or hopes you fail has an ARC break with you.   "The ARC break will vanish magically when the source is found." -- L. Ron Hubbard    You simply find and restore the broken point of the triangle. When did the upset begin? Which point of the triangle had a sudden drop?   Did you suddenly dislike the person (A)?   Did you have a disagreement (R)?   Did you have a communication problem (C)?   Once you spot the problem, you can repair it. When you fix it, the sun shines, the birds sing and everything goes back to normal.   Example: Your accountant calls and says, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I made a mistake. You need $10,000 by the end of the week to pay your taxes or you'll get a $5000 penalty."   You say, "You idiot! I don't have that kind of money. How could you do this to me!" You hang up. You feel betrayed. You decide the accountant is an enemy and that you should not talk to him again.   Later, you still feel upset. You try to feel better, but you cannot. So you examine the problem to determine if the break in the ARC triangle is A, R or C.   You realize the problem is not that you dislike the accountant, but that you disagree with the unhappy reality of owing taxes. This break in the R point of the triangle makes you want less communication. Of course, the A or Affinity point dropped as well.   Now that you know the problem is a break in reality, you calm down and decide to handle it. You call and say, "Sorry I hung up on you Peter, but the news was a shock to me. You need to explain this as it's so unreal to me." Within seconds, you and your accountant work out a solution.   When People Get Upset with You   When someone gets upset with you, you can use the ARC triangle to resolve the problem. For example, Fred, an old friend of yours, is acting odd on the phone. He doesn't say much and won't talk to you. You think back and try to determine if the problem is with A, R or C.   You ask yourself, "Did we suddenly dislike each other? No. Did we disagree about something? No. Did we have a communication problem?"   You realize you forgot to return Fred's call last month (a break in communication) so you say, "I'm really sorry I didn't call you back last month." Fred suddenly says, "Yeah! Call me when I leave a message so I don't have to come over there and throw eggs at you, okay?" You both laugh.   As another example, you have been negotiating a contract with Pam and your last offer made her so mad she broke off the meeting and stormed out. Without your knowledge of ARC you might give up on the deal or start using intermediaries.   Instead, you look over the situation and evaluate the ARC. Which point is the most damaged? You realize the R or reality point went bad as no one can agree. How can you repair this break in reality?   You could raise the communication point by trying to call, but that does not seem appropriate. You could send a cheerful greeting card to increase the affinity, but that doesn't sound right either. You want Pam to realize there are more points of agreement than disagreement.   So you send her a list that describes all the many points of agreement already established along with a request that she call you when ready to complete the negotiation.   Your telephone rings 10 minutes later. Pam starts the conversation with an apology.   Suggestions   1. Are you currently upset with anyone?   2. If so, which one of the three points of the ARC triangle do you think is broken? Is it broken because you dislike the person? Because you disagree with the person? Because you failed to communicate with the person?   3. How could you repair the break? What steps could you take?   4. Take those steps today!   5. Repeat the above four steps for other people you may be upset with.   6. Repeat with anyone who may be upset with you.   7. Repeat with anyone in your past with whom you wish to rekindle a relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.   Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org   For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm    Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

 

 

TipsForSuccess: How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)   By using this powerful tool, you can form meaningful relationships with everyone you like. Because these relationships, you can get the raise, promotion, sale, friendship, marriage, support or cooperation you want.   "The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations." -- L. Ron Hubbard   ARC (pronounced as A-R-C, not "ark") forms the basis for all of your relationships. L. Ron Hubbard discovered the rules and uses of ARC during the 1950s.   Every relationship has three parts:   Affinity: how much you like or love a person Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real Communication: your exchange of information and ideas   These three parts interact with each other and so form a triangle.   Part 1: How ARC Works   Purdue University did a study to determine why some of their graduates succeeded and others did not. After several years of analyzing the success of their engineering students, Purdue came to the following conclusions:   "The average salary of the students with the highest grades was only slightly higher than the average salary of all the graduates. The salaries of the most popular students, the ones with the good personalities, were much higher than the average of all students. Also, their salaries were much higher than the students with the highest grades."   A popular personality is based on ARC. When you have good ARC with people, they understand you, believe in you, trust you, help you and feel good about you. ARC is such a powerful tool that the simple lack of ARC results in upsets, distrust, hatred, lawsuits, attacks and wars.   "Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication." -- L. Ron Hubbard   The ARC Triangle gives you a deep understanding of people. When you truly understand your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, employees, customers, clients, neighbors and friends, you can help them, talk to them, reach more agreements and enjoy their company more than ever before.   You have more ARC for some people than others. For example, you have high ARC with a coworker or colleague if you like the person (Affinity), can talk about many subjects (Communication) and agree on many subjects (Reality). You understand this person and this person understands you.   You probably also know someone with whom you have low ARC. You cannot agree on things (Reality), you do not like the person very much (Affinity) and you do not communicate.   In Part One of this series of articles on ARC, you will learn how you can increase your ARC with anyone.   How to Increase ARC with Anyone   "The triangle of affinity, reality and communication could be called an interactive triangle in that no point of it can be raised without affecting the other two points and raising them, and no point of it can be lowered without affecting the other two points." -- L. Ron Hubbard   So all you need to do is decide which point of the triangle you can increase and the other two points automatically rise!   For example, you meet a new fellow at work named Richard and instantly dislike him. Maybe his attitude or appearance rubs you the wrong way. You really don't want to communicate with him (C) or to agree with him (R). There is little or no understanding.   However, you decide you need to understand Richard so you can work with him. So you ask yourself, "Which of the three points can I raise?" You decide to work on the C part of the triangle and just start talking to him. "Where did you work before?" "How long have you lived in this area?" "Do you have any kids?"   As a result of your communication, you find out he has three kids about the same age as your kids. You share a reality here and so you chat about children. You find yourself agreeing with Richard (R). Within a few minutes, you realize you like Richard (A). You understand each other better than before. You look forward to working with him.   As another example, you want a better relationship with Stella. Stella could be your boss, an important client, a potential mate or a valuable contact. You currently know little about Stella, but have scheduled to meet with her for lunch.   During lunch, you notice Stella is not talking very much. She rarely looks at you and barely smiles. You realize the Communication point of the triangle is not very good with Stella. The Affinity point is also weak as she does not seem to like you very much. So you decide to raise the Reality point of the triangle. You look for things to agree on. "How do you relax after work?" "What kind of exercise do you like?" "Do you have a vacation coming up?"   Stella mentions she loves sailboats and you happen to be a sailboat fanatic. Because of this shared Reality point of the triangle, you and Stella suddenly have a lot to talk about. After several minutes of sailboat chat, you notice she is smiling at you and you feel a higher level of Affinity for her.   As a final example, you want a better relationship with your spouse. You have not been talking very much lately and seem to disagree more often than before. You decide to increase the Affinity point of the triangle in your marriage.   Before you go home, you decide to just feel more Affinity. You think of all the things you like about your spouse. After a few minutes, your mood improves and you look forward to going home.   At home, you give your spouse a big smile, a hug and a kiss. At first, he or she is a little shocked, but soon starts to return the affection and your Affinity point rises. You talk about your day's events (C) and agree (R) on your plans for the evening. Your ARC Triangle is higher than it has been for a while.   This is the power of ARC. With this knowledge, you can rehabilitate or create a wonderful relationship with anyone.   Recommendations   1. Write down something you want.   Do not limit yourself to money or physical objects, but consider new opportunities, powerful contacts, friendships, deals, or projects you want to do.   2. List the names of those who can help you get it.   3. Decide which point of the triangle you can increase with each person: Affinity, Reality or Communication. Include how you will do it.   For example, "Increase Reality with Jill. Agree with her new ideas and she will support my project steps." "More Communication with Bob. Talk to him about his future in the group. Let him say all he wants to say." "More Affinity with Chris. Let him know how much I like his landscaping."   4. Increase that one point with each person until the other two points of the triangle increase.   5. Continue to increase your ARC Triangle with each person until you reach your objective.   The uses of ARC are broad and powerful. ARC can change your life in many ways.   Future articles will cover more ways you can use this tool to form friendships with strangers, become a better leader, negotiate win-win deals, increase your success at work, improve your marriage and boost your self confidence.   Learn more about ARC in the book The Problems of Work by L. Ron Hubbard, available at www.tipsforsuccess.org/bookstore.htm.     Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org   For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm    Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org

 

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TipsForSuccess: Jealous?

Jealous?   No one likes being jealous. You're afraid you might replaced or you might lose a relationship. You feel insecure.   Having a relationship with a jealous person is also difficult. The jealous person does anything to make sure you still like him or her. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.   Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate and fear. Jealous people do not think clearly. They can even act a little insane.   What causes jealousy?   "Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them." -- L. Ron Hubbard   When you are jealous, you worry a line of communication exists with your spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain.   Friendships and business relationships can also include jealousy. You worry your best friend has a better friendship with someone else and hides this from you. You worry your best client is working with someone else who might replace you.   Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is he/she going to find someone better than me?"   The mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he'll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "My favorite salesperson might be going to lunch with her old boss because she wants to work for him instead of me." "How come he didn't call me? Does he like someone better than me?"   How to Dissolve Jealousy   "Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow to stern-front to back.)   If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and start asking questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.   Bob says to his wife, "I don't want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"   His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"   Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.   If Bob doesn't communicate, his wife's communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.   Chris says to her boss, "Are you interviewing people to replace me?" The boss says, "No, I thought you'd like an assistant." Or maybe the boss says, "Well, yes, I don't think this job is right for you." Either way, the communication is out in the open so Chris can deal with it.   If someone is jealous of you, you can help this person by making your communications open and available. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you meet with Joe to help with his son?" "Would you like to join us for lunch?"   1. Are you jealous of someone? What communication is hidden from you?   2. Is someone jealous of you? What communication might be hidden from him or her?   In either case, add communication and watch the jealousy disappear!    Provided by TipsForSuccess.org as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.     Copyright © 2011 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Subscribe, buy books or learn more about TipsForSuccess.org at www.tipsforsuccess.org   For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/reprint_info.htm    Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at www.tipsforsuccesscoaching.org