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TipsForSuccess: Part 3: How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

How to Succeed with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

"The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations." -- L. Ron Hubbard


Affinity: how well you like or love a person

Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real

Communication: your exchange of information and ideas

Understanding: The result of combining affinity, reality and communication


To read Part 1, click here. To read Part 2, click here.


Part 3: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships


Wouldn't it be great if you could become fast friends with nearly everyone you meet? If you could make people like you right away? If you could even earn their support?


For example, you could get strangers to agree with you within a few minutes. You could get the leaders in your field to listen to you. You could earn respect from your coworkers, staff, colleagues, friends and family.


You can do all of these things with ARC. You start by using communication.


"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard (from The Problems of Work)


For example, you want to form a business relationship with a business owner. You invite him to lunch. Now, what do you say?


1. Find something you like about the owner. You look him over and decide he has a nice smile and good looking shoes. You have some affinity for him. This step is done.


2. Discuss something with which he can agree. He mentions that he hates the hot weather outside. You say, "I can't stand the heat either, but my wife loves it." He says, "My wife likes it too. Something is wrong with them." You both laugh.


You ask questions to find something with which to agree. "How is your business going? Can you tell me what you like most about this type of business?" "What do you do for fun? Do you have any children?"


Maybe you learn he loves his challenges at work, has trouble with a government regulation and worries about his father's health. You also have trouble with the same government regulation and so you discuss it. Your ARC with the business owner goes up.


Three More Examples


As another example, you are waiting for your flight to Chicago at an airport. You decide to establish ARC with the business woman sitting next to you. First you find something you like about her, perhaps her red briefcase.


So you say, "Nice briefcase!" She smiles and nods. A small amount of affinity is established. You then find something with which she can agree. "Are you from Chicago?" She starts to communicate. You find points of agreement. You have ARC and perhaps a new business relationship.


If you are single and want to meet someone new, these two steps are great for breaking the ice with the opposite sex, even if you feel shy. For example, you notice someone you want to meet in a bookstore. He or she is looking at magazines. You do the first step and find something you like, such as this person's hair, shoes and voice.


You suddenly feel less shy. You then find something with which you can agree. "I need a good magazines. Which ones do you like best?" "I see you like gardening magazines. Me too. Have you seen this one?"


You can use this formula to form relationships with people who are different than you. Say you get on that airplane for a long flight to Chicago and are assigned to sit next to a body-pierced, tattooed, pimply-faced teenager with hamburger onion breath.


You follow the formula and find something to like about him: he has a beautiful sunset picture on his t-shirt. You feel a little better about the fellow. You then find something with which he can agree. "Where did you get that great shirt?" "What do you like to do after school?" "That is quite a tattoo you have." Before long, you have enough ARC with this teenager to enjoy sitting next to him for the flight.




1. List all the people or types of people with whom you want to form a relationship.


2. Work out a way to use the two steps with each of them:


"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard


Give it a try!




Provided by as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you. 


Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

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