sends success articles each week to 23,000 subscribers. Use these articles to improve your personal, financial and professional success. Go to for more information.

TipsForSuccess: Make a Fresh Start


How to Make a Fresh Start

Nothing can ruin your success faster than personal conflicts. Upsets between business partners or battles between bosses and staff ruin productivity, reduce income and build up stress.

Bad marriages can also ruin your success. A stressful marriage can put you in a bad mood at work. You cannot think as efficiently and tend to dislike others.

Bad work relationships can also hurt your marriage. You come home in a bad mood and take it out on your spouse.

Most people have good intentions most of the time. They want to get along, do their work and succeed. Yet personal upsets can make good people into monsters.

Office politics, backstabbing, covert and overt attacks, jealousy, rumors and revenge are the result of personal conflicts. Conflicts are major blocks to your success.

How Do You Deal with Personal Conflicts?

Imagine you get promoted to a management position at work. You now have five staff who now answer to you. Four of them are supportive and friendly. Yet the fifth person, Dick, is a problem.

Dick is not cheerful around you. He jokes and smiles around the other staff, but frowns and gets serious when you show up. He never looks you in the eye. He avoids you whenever possible.

One day, a customer complains about Dick. After you make the customer happy, you call Dick into your office. You say, "So why did you mess up with that customer?"

Dick sneers and says, "He's just a jerk. Take his side if you want. I don't care. Can I get back to work now?"

What do you do?

Let Dick leave your office and pretend there is no problem?

Get angry at him and chew him out?

Plead with him to be nice to you?

Demand he tell you what is wrong?

A Better Approach

The real problem is you have not formed a working relationship with Dick. You need to apply the Non-Existence Formula.

"The Non-Existence Formula is:

"1. Find a comm
[communication] line.

"2. Make yourself known.

"3. Discover what is needed or wanted.

"4. Do, produce and/or present it."
- L. Ron Hubbard

Since you already have the communication line as Dick is sitting in front of you, you can now do steps 2 and 3.

You say, "Dick, before we deal with this customer, I'd like to get our relationship off to a good start. As you know, I'm now in charge here and you are working for me. What do you need or want from me as your boss?"

Dick looks startled. "What do you mean?"

"I want to know the best way to work with you. I also want to tell you what I need and want from you, but let's start with what you need or want from me, okay?"

Dick shrugs and says, "Okay. I like to know what is going on. For example, nobody told me you were taking over."

You say, "Oh really! That's not good. I'm sorry no one told you. As your new boss, I'll be happy to tell you what's going on. I have no secrets. What else do you need and want from me?"

Dick relaxes and says, "I like to handle customers myself. If a customer complains, I'd like a shot at handling him before you step in. No one lets me do this."

You say, "No problem. From now on, when a customer complains, I'll give you one chance to fix the problem yourself."

Dick starts to look interested. "I want to go to lunch at 12:30 instead of noon. I want a better chair for my back. And I want someone to listen to my new ideas of how we can make more sales."

All of this is fine with you.

You say, "Now let me tell you what I need and want from you. I need a daily update on what you are doing. I want you to see me if you aren't sure what to do. I want you to beat your own sales records. I also want you to be friendly to me. Can you do these things?"

Dick's eyes sparkle as he says, "No problem!" He smiles, sticks out his hand and you shake on it.

You and Dick then discuss the customer complaint. Dick says he'll call him and make sure everything is okay.

Dick gets back to work and tells a coworker, "No one from management has ever asked me what I wanted. We might have a good boss here!"

Ten Great Uses of the Non-Existence Formula

1. You start a new job of any kind. You meet with everyone you will be working with. You tell them your new position and follow the steps of the formula. You are in control of your job faster than ever.

2. You are in a conflict with someone. You realize neither of you are doing what the other needs or wants. You arrange a meeting (comm line) and do the next two steps. "Joe, as your assistant, I want to do a perfect job. Can we go over specifically what you need and want from me?"

With a coworker you say, "Jill, we're stuck with each other. I think we should work things out so we get along. What do you need and want from me as your coworker?" "Can I tell you want I need and want from you?"

3. You want to be hired for the perfect job. During the job interview you ask. "If you hire me, what will you need and want from me?" Since no one else has asked, the boss is a little startled by the question, but really enjoys answering it. You explain how you can deliver these needs and wants . . . and more. You get the job on the spot.

4. You want to rent a building space or apartment, but there are several other applicants also want the space. So when turning in your application, you ask the landlord, "If you select me as your tenant, what will you need and want from me as my landlord?" The landlord thinks it over and tells you her needs and wants. No one has ever asked her and she's delighted someone cares. You assure her you can deliver. You are selected above all other applicants.

5. You want your boss to sell you a partnership in his company. You say, "I think you have a great operation here. If you were going to sell a partnership, what might you need and want from a partner?" The boss starts to think about it and mentions a few things. You start to do things he would need from a partner. After a while, he makes you an offer to become a partner.

6. You're dating someone and want to take your relationship to the next level. You find out what this person needs or wants from a mate. You decide if you can do those things or not. If you can, you start to deliver. He or she feels a strong attraction to you and wants to take the relationship to the next level.

You make it clear to this person what you need and want from the relationship. You observe if he or she can do those things for you. If not, you break it off. If he or she can deliver, you go for it!

7. Your marriage is not going well. You ask your spouse, "I want us to have a really good relationship. I think we need a fresh start. Do you agree?"

If your spouse agrees, you ask each other, "What do you need and want from me as your spouse?"

8. Your child is starting in a new school. You visit the school and ask the teacher, "What do you need or want from me?" "What do you need and want from my child?" Your child starts off on the right foot.

9. You are constantly looking for the needs or wants of your customers. For example, a superior cab driver not only finds out the passenger's destination, he asks, "Are you comfortable? Would you like to see today's local newspaper? Can I tell you anything about our city?"

An electronics store surveys its customers every month to find out what they want to buy. An orthodontist asks each new patient for his or her needs and wants. A computer programmer constantly asks users what they need from their computers.

Any successful business finds current data on its clients or customer's needs and wants.

10. You want to form a great relationship with the new leaders of your group. You say, "Hi. I'll be working under you as the ______ and want to know what you need and want from me." You find you get the best treatment from the new leader.


Provided by as a public service to introduce the technology of L. Ron Hubbard to you.

Copyright © 2005 All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard.

Take better control of your life with the TipsForSuccess coaching website at

For permission to copy, print or post this article, go to or click here.

To subscribe, buy books, contact us or learn more about, click here.

Blog Archive